Love is the End
by phoebes.promise
Summary: If he had only spoken the right words at the right time she would be his forever. Instead, they ache, love and long for each other in silence.   A bittersweet love story desperately searching for a happily ever after.  E/B, AH, M.
1. Prologue

**_Prologue_**

"Do you make love to her, Edward?" She whispered in the darkness.

I stilled my fingers that were stroking the smooth, delicate skin on her naked back as she lay across my chest.

"Answer me. Do you make love to your…_wife_?" Her voice trailed off at the last word.

"Don't do this now. Please, Bella. We only have a few more hours." I finally responded, kissing the top of her head then stroking her hair.

"I want to know. When… when was the last time?"

Reacting to the heavy change in mood, we both shifted and sat up slowly. She stared at me intently…searching. Her eyes glistened in the faint moonlight streaming through the sheer curtains.

"A few months ago," I answered honestly, keeping my promise to never lie to her.

"A few? Before or after Florida?" She leaned in close, placing her hand on my cheek reassuringly as she knew the answer was difficult to divulge.

"After."

She closed her eyes and tears spilled silently down her cheeks. When she met my gaze again, her look was desolate. This was not the accomplished, compassionate and confident woman…the absolute center of my existence. Instead, I was staring at an empty, bare and shattered shadow of who she was. The change was gradual, it was at my hand and only I could heal it. My own tears threatened as I patiently watched her process the reality of my admission.

Suddenly she straddled my lap and began frantically grinding against my cock. Her hands grasped the back of my neck and her hot mouth was on mine intensely and desperately licking, nipping and pulling. I tasted the bitter salt of her tears on our swollen lips.

"Bella don't, not like this." I tried to calm her, but she continued to move her hips hoping for a reaction.

"Please Edward… It's all I have." She pleaded as evidence of her sorrow continued to trickle down her beautiful, pale face.

I never denied her the physical solace she sought. Comforting and protecting her was innate to me, especially since Sam died. But this was different. It was obvious now she'd reached the end and finally had enough of our charade.

I wound my right hand into the silky strands of her thick hair and my left hand made its way around her supple body grasping and pulling her towards me while she desperately guided me into her scorching heat. Her mouth opened slightly as she began to increase the pace of her movements.

She reached behind me grabbing the iron headboard to steady herself as she moved to an almost frenzied rhythm. Her firm nipples grazed my chest as she slid up and down roughly against me. Anger and frustration seeped through her every pore. I grabbed her hips to slow and soothe her, but she resisted. Leaning towards my ear she breathed,

"Does Lauren fuck you hard like this? Tell me baby. Does she even know what you like?"

I squeezed her soft flesh tight enough to stop her. We stared knowingly into each others damp eyes for a long, weighted moment. I shook my head, looked away and lifted her off of my lap.

She furiously ran her hands through her hair and grabbed the sheet around her body. When she scooted down to the end of the bed to stand up, I reached for her arm. She pulled it away forcefully.

"Bella, this is not who we are. Look at you, you're shaking."

"Yes, Edward… Look at me!" She screamed, turning around. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up in front of her.

"I'm a thirty year old widow, madly in love with my best friend who happens to be a married man. I've loved you for a lifetime, but you've _never_ been mine."

She reached for me as her shouting morphed into an agonizing whisper, "I want to wake up to your gorgeous face and have sex before the sun rises. I want to make your favorite dinner and pour your favorite wine. And I want to listen to you read fairytales to our babies every single night for the rest of our lives."

A familiar pain tore through my chest as I listened to her. She was broken from the past, needing our new beginning. She deserved so much more than a year of clandestine traveling and late night phone calls. She'd consumed me since I was eighteen years old. I'd loved her as long as she'd loved me and then some. I wrapped my arms around her tiny, trembling body and laid her back on the bed underneath me.

"Please stop leaving me," she begged and wrapped her legs around my waist as I pushed into her.

I framed her face with my hands, running my thumbs underneath her jaw. Pressing my forehead to hers, I thrust into her long, deep and hard; filling her completely with the body and soul that belonged only to her.

"It was supposed to be us…" Bella whimpered against my lips.

"I know, baby. I know."

**A/N**

**This will be a love story as told by Edward. **

**Thank you for reading. I'll be posting Chapter one over the weekend. **

**jaimearkin and renas40 I could not and would not do this without you. xo **

**I'd love to hear your thoughts or please just say hi. **


	2. Chapter 1 Wake Me Up

**Chapter 1, Wake Me Up**

"…_gorgeous spring morning folks… Metro Atlanta traffic and weather coming at you on the other side of…"_

_Dammit! _I stretched across the empty bed to Lauren's nightstand to shut off the radio alarm clock.

"Mornin'," my wife said in her trademark southern drawl. Stalking out of the master bathroom towards the bed with her long pageant stride, she was naked with the exception of the dark mascara surrounding her blue eyes.

"Hey," I replied running my hands over my face and through my hair.

"What time did ya'll finally get in?" She asked distractedly as she looked at her reflection in the large mirror hanging over our bed. I watched her pull her short, blond hair into a ponytail as her tall, lean frame loomed over me.

"After two." She didn't acknowledge my answer. Instead, she slid under the down duvet and grabbed the band of my boxers.

"I have to get to the studio early, Demetri is highlighting my hair. And it's Wednesday." She said bluntly.

"Wednesday." I repeated and silently processed its meaning. The therapist's suggestion for a passionless marriage; pick a specific day of the week and make each other orgasm.

I moved towards her for a kiss, for no other purpose than to preface the sex we were going to have. Knowing I would have to prepare her body first, I hovered over her and rested one leg between her thighs. Running my hand over my wife's enhanced breasts; I imagined the softness of _Bella's _natural swells_._ Feeling her nipples pucker under my fingertips, I took one in my mouth and lightly tugged with my teeth. Her right hand made its way to the back of my neck, but the left lay limp at her side. While my tongue continued with her nipple, I made a trail down her taut stomach and headed towards her artfully waxed sex. As my fingers worked between her folds, I stroked her the way I knew would get the quickest results. Finally feeling her wetness, I positioned my cock at her entrance. Without further warning, I plunged into her. She gasped and her hands found my shoulders.

Pushing my hips forward, I moved deeper searching for a rhythm that would benefit us both. Her manicured nails scratching down my chest left me aching for _Bella's_ gentle hands and loving touch. As I purposely picked up speed, the only sound in the room was the occasional obligatory moan from Lauren. While I worked my way in and out, she tried to meet my thrusts, but it was awkward. All we had to do was fuck and we couldn't even get that right. In an attempt to end our 'scheduled lovemaking', I worked my hand between our bodies. I began rubbing small, tight circles around her clit and I finally heard a groan of approval. Her walls clenched around me and with three more quick thrusts, I came. Lauren immediately nudged me to move out of her. I rolled over to catch my breath and she headed back to the bathroom.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

I grabbed my phone from the kitchen counter where I'd left it charging overnight. I scrolled hopefully through my calls looking for the one name that made everything else insignificant. Twelve missed calls…six from Rosalie, two from Mike, a few unfamiliar numbers and the one I was hoping for. It vibrated in my hand momentarily throwing off my plan.

"Hey Rose." I answered.

"I've been trying to call since last night."

"Sorry, I left my phone at home. I worked late at…"

"Edward," she interrupted. "Angela's gone. They let her go yesterday."

"Oh God. Rose, no. How's Eric?" I asked pulling at my hair, to support my trembling hand.

"Strong. Peaceful. He's Eric. The memorial service is this Saturday in town. But, Bella wants us all to stay at Hale House."

"Really? Do you think that's a good idea?"

"It's what she wants, so that's what we're going to do. Emmett and I are flying out of Miami this afternoon."

I exhaled deeply.

"I'll leave tomorrow morning. I just can't…I mean it's twice this year."

"I know. Call Bella, she needs you."

_Hi. You've reached Isabella Swan-Uley. I'm unavailable right now. Please leave your name, number and a brief message. If this call is regarding a pediatric speech appointment please call my office number at 360-555-7241. Have a great day. _

"It's me. Just talked to Rosalie. I'm booking a flight now. I'll try you again later."

I walked into my downstairs office located off the kitchen and powered on my computer. I pushed aside the stacks of rolled blueprints and my satchel lying haphazardly on my work table. I vaguely recalled tossing them there before making my way wearily to bed early this morning. The menacing sound of a vacuum suddenly vibrated throughout the house as soon as I sat down. I didn't realize Bree was at the house cleaning.

I searched the earliest flights out of Hartsfield for the next day and returning on Sunday. Jasper and I had our presentation scheduled early Monday morning with Randall Land Development. I figured by now he and Alice knew the news about Angela and I briefly considered sending them an e-mail to see if they wanted to travel together, but then thought better of it. If I had my own rental car I could go straight to see Bella in Port Angeles as soon as I arrived.

"Edward." My father-in-law's voice bellowed into the room startling me.

"Peter! I didn't hear you come in."

He moved further into the room and I noticed the vacuuming had ceased.

"That pretty young lady out there let me in." He emphasized his obnoxious statement with a wink.

"So what brings you by today?" I asked, urging the end of the surprise visit before it even began.

"Well, I was hoping to take my baby girl to lunch."

"She's left for the studio already…something about Demetri and hair."

"Oh," he chuckled and sat down on the edge of my antique pine work table.

"Well that's alright then. She always deserves to be pampered. What are ya'll doing home on a Wednesday mornin'?" He asked in the familiar Mallory family drawl.

"Well, I actually worked through the night. I was just making some flight arrangements for this weekend."

"Oh yeah? You and Laurie goin' somewhere special?"

"Unfortunately, I'm headed to a funeral back home. My friend Angela was taken off life support yesterday."

He shook his head and looked down in a supposedly sympathetic way, then picked some lint off his khaki golf pants. He crossed his arms across his chest and looked me in the eye, "Was she part of that bunch you fooled around with in college?"

Smirking at his pathetic patronizing, I continued, "Yes, she went to UW with me and high school."

Peter scooted himself off the table and walked over to my wall of diplomas and framed certificates. "So, you got the big presentation on Monday?"

"Yes. Nine A.M."

"Yeah, I ran into old Aro Randall on the links yesterday. That crazy son of a bitch was shootin' three over par." He cackled and rubbed his hands over his stomach. "He was in a damn fine mood. I bought him a scotch at the club and thought I'd mention you boys." I sat and watched Peter's performance in seething silence. "Don't think ya'll need to worry about gettin' that contract."

"Oh, I don't know, Peter. I've seen the bidder's list. The big guns are out for it. Jasper and I are still the new kids in the neighborhood."

"Well, I made goddamn sure that Aro had Cullen~Whitlock Design and Engineering at the top of that list. Figured I'd cash in on a favor from way back."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I strained to maintain my temper.

Peter moved within an inch of my face. "You listen to me, that's how we operate down here. Now, I don't doubt you're real good at what you do. I see those honors and awards hangin' over there. But, I know the drill with you goddamn pretty boys. So, I'm gonna make sure you keep your shit together. You understand me, son?"

His breath smelled of cigars, whiskey, and crooked conceit. My fists and jaw involuntarily tightened. I forced myself to step back, steeled my stance and offered him a stiff nod to end his bullshit attempt at intimidation. His flat, sunburned face broke into a fake smile as he wrapped one strong hand around my shoulder and slapped my cheek firmly with his other. "Good, I knew you were a smart one. You married my Laurie, after all."

The smug bastard then threw up his right hand in a mock wave as walked out the door, taking with him my professional dignity.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Sucking down a glass of cold grapefruit juice in the kitchen, I tried to regain my composure. I was completely overwhelmed with a toxic fusion of sadness and rage. _Fuck! _I slammed the small glass against the granite counter. The shattering echoed; and as my body sank to the floor, my mind sank into darkness…

_"You look beautiful," I whispered moving flush against her, while she stood at the window. Her silent response was the knowing smile that comforted my dreams when I was far away. As she took the wine glass from my hand for her own sip, I moved her long hair behind her shoulder. She gazed back out the window over the lawn as I ran my fingers down the side of her flawless face and neck. I worked my way to her breastbone and into the top of her sundress, over the swell of her breasts lightly brushing my fingertips over the sensitive skin and felt the tightening of her nipples as my fingers teased; lost in our quiet, stolen moment. _

"_What the… Something's wrong…" She said urgently, breaking my reverie. _

"_Call 911...Call 911!" Emmett's demand was muffled by distance and structure but, his panic penetrated us. _

"_Sam!" Bella screamed and dropped the wine glass on the ceramic tile floor. _

_The shattering into tiny shards and jagged edges was a painful metaphor for what followed._

_Running behind her out the door to the water's edge, I knew from the look on Emmett's face we were rushing for no reason. _

"_What happened… oh God…Sam!" She was crying hysterically while holding her husband's face in her trembling hands. "No, no, no… Sam listen to me… you're okay… fucking call someone! Please!"_

_I stepped back to give the emergency dispatch directions to Hale House on my cell phone. When the operator asked me if Sam was breathing, I watched my lover hovering helplessly over her young husband's lifeless body still strapped into his wheelchair._

"_I'm sorry… Sam, oh God, I'm so sorry." She whispered to him, stroking his hair. _

"Mr. Cullen, are you okay?"

I rubbed my damp eyes and focused on the young woman kneeling in front of me.

"Bree. Yeah… I'm fine." I looked at the broken glass on the floor behind her. She turned and began placing the pieces into the trashcan.

Feeling slightly nauseated, I gripped the edge of the counter as I stood up. Mustering just enough strength to redeem my odd behavior, I asked her how her classes were going.

"Really good. I'll be transferring to UGA this summer. I'm pretty excited."

"Are you still majoring in math?"

"Yeah, either math or graphic design."

"If you're interested in an internship when the time comes, be sure and give me a call."

"Oh wow, thanks. I'm gonna miss ya'll. Working for Lauren Mallory…Mrs. Cullen's pretty cool. She's like a total celebrity around here. I mean ever since she was Miss Georgia Belle and everything."

I responded with a forced smile, a little more small talk and headed upstairs to regroup. I wasn't in the right frame of mind to debate the true value of my wife's local celebrity with a twenty year old sporting stars in her eyes.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

My flight was booked and my bag was packed for the long weekend away. My emotions warred with each other as I was headed to bury a second friend in less than a year _and_ to see Bella. A desirable heat surged through me as I thought of holding her delicate body underneath mine. I hadn't made love to her since Christmas and I could still picture her lying naked, illuminated only by the lights on the tree as I cherished her.

I placed the small, black velvet pouch into the side pocket of my carry on and imagined her wide, gorgeous eyes when she saw the contents.

As the evening wore on I decided to face the inevitable. Avoidance was usually my prescription for survival with Lauren, though I knew it was a coward's remedy.

"Darlin'. I've only got a few minutes." Lauren said in a hurried, hushed tone.

"Okay, well Angela passed away yesterday."

"Aww. That's so sad. She was married to Mike, right?"

"No, Eric."

"That's right. They gave us that hand painted vase for the wedding. I remember now. Didn't they just have a baby? We sent something, didn't we?"

"Yes, Leah's six months old. The memorial is on Saturday. I'm leaving in the morning and I'll be back on Sunday."

"Edward, it's Easter Sunday. We were going to the early church service and having brunch with Daddy at the club. And we're supposed to go to the charity egg hunt. I need to make an appearance."

"Maybe Riley can go with you."

"Oh, good idea. Will you be staying with your parents?"

"No, at Hale House with Rose and Emmett and…"

"Did you watch me at six?" She interrupted.

"No, Lauren! Jesus Christ! One of my best friends just died. I don't give a shit about the local crime report."

"Edward, please don't yell at me. I'm about to go on air."

"I'm sorry." I said flatly.

"It's okay. You can still watch the eleven. I want you to see my new hair. It's lighter and shorter, and I'm even wearing your favorite color tonight." She teased as if she was doing me a favor.

"Alright, I'll try to watch."

Walking back into the bedroom just as the 17Live newscast started, I grabbed the remote control and ran my finger over the power button. I settled back against the pillows and propped my arm up behind my head. Lauren Mallory, my wife of two years and her transparently handsome co-anchor Riley Biers appeared on the screen. Her hair was indeed shorter and lighter if that was possible, I smirked to no one, which was the constant for that time of night. _And breaking fucking news, fine citizens of Atlanta, Edward Cullen's favorite color is apparently pink._

I clicked the power off.

Just as I glanced down at the time on my phone, it vibrated.

"Hey." I answered anxiously.

"Hi. Sorry I missed you earlier." Her sweet, calm voice resonated straight to my heart.

"How are you?"

She exhaled deeply, sounding relieved to hear my voice too.

"I'm okay. I'm still at Eric and Angela's. I was rocking Leah to sleep. She's so perfect, I just can't stay away from her. She looks exactly like her."

"I know she does. Are you staying there tonight?"

"No, I'm driving back to Port Angeles. Eric's parent's are here now."

"Be careful driving home. I should be in around five tomorrow."

"I have a late appointment; do you maybe want to come by the new office?"

"Absolutely, I can't wait to see it."

"Are you ready for your meeting on Monday?"

"Yeah, Jasper and I are both feeling pretty confident about it," I answered, suppressing the anger over my father-in-law's sudden involvement.

"I'm so proud of you. Edward…" Her voice cracked.

"It's okay, baby, I'll be there soon." I said reassuringly.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Bella."

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading and for all of your wonderful words of encouragement to continue. **

**For every rec, tweet, fav and alert... warm hugs. **

**jaimearkin and Renas40 simply thanks for being you, I couldn't do this without you. xo **

**Chapter two will be posted next week... as the beautiful lovers reunite.**

**Please let me know what's on your mind or just say hi.**


	3. Chapter 2 Be Here to Love Me

**Chapter Two - Be Here to Love Me **

I arrived at Bella's new office just before five o'clock on Thursday evening. Gravel crackling under my tires was a faint backdrop to the overt sound of my pounding heart. Once I spotted Bella's car, I realized she was finally only moments away. A white minivan, I assumed belonging to her late appointment, was parked in a space to the left of the purple Porsche.

"_It's actually amethyst metallic and it was a gift." _She relentlessly defended that car to anyone giving her hell, knowing she would have never chosen it for herself.

A wheelchair ramp ran parallel to the stairs I climbed towards the front door. The exterior of the small building was weathered white wood paneling with a dark green door and shutters. The shutters had crescent moon outlines cut into the tops. I read the custom hand painted business sign hanging by the front door with pride.

_Port Angeles Pediatric Therapy _

_Isabella Swan-Uley, M.S., CCC-SLP_

_Jacob Uley, M.S., PT_

After opening the door, I stepped quietly into a small waiting room. It was an immaculate, cozy space painted a dark orange color. The hardwood floors were covered with two beige rugs and several baskets full of children's books. There were two leather chairs in the corner and an easel covered in butcher paper.

I moved slowly down the hallway in the direction of her gentle voice.

"Adam, look at me sweetheart. Let's try it one more time…"

A young boy with hearing equipment looked over at me. I smiled at him and noticed Bella's signature red patent clogs also peeking from the doorway. I laughed inwardly realizing she must have finally retired her leopard print pair.

Bella appeared to be sitting on the floor with the boy; undoubtedly in her element working and playing with a young child.

Suddenly, he forced out the word 'man' as he brought his right hand up to his forehead then down in signing the word to her.

Bella immediately leaned forward to look out into the hallway. When our eyes met she reactively laid her hand across her chest with an audible gasp as if I had taken her breath away. Peace spread across her beautiful face as I reciprocated.

She turned back towards the boy and rotated her hands, while locking her fingers together and said, "Friend."

"Come in," she whispered and gestured for me to enter the room.

Bella stood up and reached for my hand, abruptly pulling me towards her.

"Emily, this is Edward Cullen." She said to the boy's mother sitting on a small patterned sofa in the back of the room. Emily stood and shook my hand kindly.

"Oh, are you Dr. Cullen's son? He's our pediatrician." She said.

"Yes, I am. Do you live in Forks?" I replied, with Bella still holding my hand.

"Yeah, we live in Forks, but come over here for Adam's speech appointments. He's made so much progress with Bella. We'd drive all the way to Oregon to work with her if we had to. And she makes Adam so happy."

I knelt down in front of the little boy.

_Bella_ …

_Makes_…

_Me_…

_Happy_…

_Too… _

I finished, hoping I'd signed some semblance of a proper phrase.

The little boy covered his mouth with his hand, giggled and looked up at Bella. Bella stared at me with damp, thoughtful eyes.

"Oh, you sign too?" Emily asked.

"No, no not really, I picked up some of the basics living with Bella in college. She would test me." I explained smiling.

Bella handed Adam an Easter basket with a wooden yo-yo and a story book lying inside it.

She hugged them both good bye and shut the door. When she turned back towards me, I eagerly breached the distance between us. Her chin started to quiver; I held it gently between my fingers and brought her face towards mine.

"How does this happen? She was just going to pick up dinner, Edward. Now she's gone forever."

With tears threatening both of us, I placed a single, soft kiss on her lips and embraced her.

When I felt her melting into me and a slight pressure through our center, I knew we were already vacillating between mourning and loving. It was a complicated conflict that only we understood. We'd mastered our reunions around the guise of funerals, weddings, christenings, and holidays.

Bella proudly gave me a tour of the practice she shared with her young brother in law. There were two therapy rooms and two offices. Though she and Jacob were equal partners in the business, Bella's personality was evident throughout the warm decor. She had a natural connection with children; she captivated them with her magic.

"And this is my office." She swept her hand in a grand gesture pulling me inside with the other. It was a tiny space with one window, wall to wall white bookshelves and the desk she bought when we shopped in Seattle before Christmas.

"Let me wash a few toys before we go, I had a couple babies in here this morning." I couldn't help but watch her backside sway out of the room in her perfectly fitting jeans. I fell back into her desk chair travel weary and emotional. I glanced at the grouping of photographs on her desk. There was a photo of Bella holding Leah with Angela's arms wrapped around both of them. It was taken the day of Leah's christening; when Bella and I became her godparents.

A larger vertical photograph of Sam sat in the corner. The ironic size of the frame needed to accommodate his larger than life presence made me smile. His exuberance was palpable even through the glass. Surrounded by several children with physical handicaps, I assumed the picture was taken during his annual camp in Chicago.

I then noticed a small black and white photo encased in a simple thin, black frame. It was the front porch of our house on North Coven Street the day we signed our lease. _We looked so goddamn young. _James, Angela, Eric, Rose, Mike and myself all so fucking content; smoking, drinking, living. I was the only one looking at the camera… Bella took the picture. I was always looking at Bella…

Sam's battered Washington Huskies helmet was on a bookshelf behind her desk. I picked it up, running my hands over the indentations and damage. Bella returned and took it slowly from my hands. "I let some of my patients try it on if they're nervous. It helps distract them." She spoke almost apologetically.

I pulled her gently into my lap. "Let me see you." I pushed away a few loose hairs around her face and ran my fingertips over her smooth, pale skin, taking her in.

She sighed quietly and cradled my face with her hand. Our lips brushed tentatively as if testing the reality of our kiss. She then deepened the kiss torturously slow. She was making it matter, placing purpose in every movement. My hand gripped her thigh as our tongues continued to reacquaint.

My thumb found the smooth expanse of skin peeking out of the bottom edge of her sweater. I softly caressed her running a small pattern with my fingertips as she tightened her hold on me. A menacing vibration against my leg brought the outside in again. I slowed our kiss, gently pulling her lower lip between mine and placed a final kiss against her freshly swollen lips. She hummed in contentment as I tenderly rubbed my nose against hers.

_We're home waiting. Drive safe. Love, Mom _

I handed Bella my phone so she could read the text also. She exhaled and twisted her mouth. "Can I at least feed you first?" She asked, running her hand over my stomach.

"Absolutely, please do."

"Good. There's a new Irish pub way out by my place and the owners are adorable."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Will you drop off some food at Eric's in the morning on your way to Hale House?" She asked as we made our way to the parking area.

"Sure. I wanted to spend some time with him before Saturday," I responded.

Bella loaded the rental car trunk with a few market bags of organic produce that she bought at Meyer's Earth Foods. We teased about Eric and Angela's green smoothie experiment that the entire house had to partake in. Some memories were now bittersweet but they were still ours.

"Hey, are you going to drive that thing like you usually do, or are you going to let me follow you?" I joked as we got into our cars. She rolled her eyes, laughed sarcastically and slammed her door.

When we walked into Corks Irish Pub, a middle aged woman with a pleasant face greeted Bella with a hug. Then a man wearing a full white moustache hurried around the bar and did likewise. Bella introduced me casually to Siobhan and Liam and asked them for a quiet booth in the back. A simple request, loaded with implication.

"Alice and Jasper couldn't make it?" She asked as we ate Shepherd's pie and drank Guinness. Bella had slipped one of her clogs off under the table and was running her toes inside the leg of my jeans.

"No, I think money's been pretty tight between the business loan and the new mortgage."

"I want to see their house so badly. He sent pictures of that fireplace just to taunt me, I swear it." She smiled.

"I think my sister's lost some weight. I don't think she wants Dad to see her right now."

"Oh shit, Edward. Are you sure?"

"Lauren made some fucking comment the other day about how she looked in some skirt and…."

"Just…" She waved her hand and interrupted me. "You know if this continues she's going to need professional help. Jasper needs to be honest too. I'll call her tomorrow on my drive up to Hale House."

We continued our effortless communication about Rosalie's twin boys, Leah's teething, James moving to Quebec with Victoria, Tanya and Tyler's engagement… These were benign topics of conversation found often with a settled couple, or best friends, not longing lovers. But that was our comfort, our security… our bond. Bella rubbed the top of my left hand with her right, unconsciously twisting my thick platinum band.

When a large slice of Irish whiskey cake arrived, she joined me on my side of the dark upholstered booth. Leaning back against my chest, resting her head on my shoulder she turned her beautiful face into my chest and breathed me in. _Fucking bliss. _

She sipped coffee while I alternated feeding forkfuls between us.

"Mmmm that reminds me." I dug into my jacket pocket for the black velvet pouch. "The Easter bunny asked me to bring this to you."

"You spoil me." She leaned up, cupped my chin and gave me a grateful kiss. "Every time… a gift."

She slowly pulled out the necklace and laid it across the back of her hand. "Oh my god, is this a buttercup? I love it." We laughed knowingly looking at the tiny etched sterling flower attached on either side with a simple gold chain.

"I was taking a client out to lunch in Buckhead, remember that Thai place you liked so much? Well, I saw this in the shop window next to it."

"Pineapple and toasted coconut cupcakes from Buttercup on Friday afternoon. I don't think anyone else ever found that place. It was our own secret sugar shack." She wrinkled her nose in delight, as I kissed the end of it.

"You do realize that's why I had to repeat German 101? Skipping class to meet you at the Buttercup cost me an entire quarter of school." I teased while she pretended to pout.

Bella leaned up so I could clasp the necklace. I moved my hand inside the neck of her cream sweater. When my fingers met another, thicker chain, she suddenly stilled. I ran the length of it to the base of her neck to touch what fell from it_. Oh. _I placed a reassuring kiss on her temple and closed my eyes.

_"Do you want to see it?" He asked anxiously. _

_"Sure," I lied._

_I watched him dig into his large duffle bag still lying on the kitchen floor. He carried over a tiny red box and handed it to me. I noticed his large hands full of fractured fingers were shaking. Mine were also, for a different reason._

_I opened the fated box slowly as my heart plunged into an endless free fall._

_"Shit, Sam. Did you spend your entire signing bonus on this?" I laughed sarcastically to mask my pain._

_His face fell slightly and I immediately regretted my words. Not only was it rude to discuss another man's worth, but I sounded like a jealous asshole._

_"Is it too much?" He asked, uncharacteristically insecure._

_"No, no it's great."_

_"You think she'll like it? Do you think she'll say yes?"_

_"Hi, boys." Bella suddenly appeared in the arched doorway. She was stunning, smiling, and obviously sated from their late night reunion._

_In Sam's exhilaration, he effortlessly scooped Bella up and threw her over his shoulder._

_She held an outstretched arm to me and giggled. "Ahhh…save me, Edward…" she playfully begged as they disappeared up the stairs._

Shivering in the darkness, I wrapped my arms around her, seeking warmth as we walked back to her car.

"Are you seriously cold? I guess after four years in Atlanta, your blood's already thin?" She joked.

"Maybe," I smiled and grabbed her close for a kiss good bye. Pushing her body against the car, I held her face in my hands. I licked my chilled lips and kissed her with fervor, our tongues easily remembered the dance. My body was consumed with familiar desperation as I whispered against her mouth, "I don't want to leave you."

My phone suddenly vibrated between us. Bella tensed slightly, pulled back to look at me and ran her finger over my bottom lip. "Go hug your mother. I'll see you in the morning."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Halfway between Port Angeles and Forks I turned my car around. _Simple_. Sam and Angela had proved the fragility of life's season. I was done wasting and wishing.

She opened the door of her tiny cottage at the edge of town. Our eyes locked and words weren't necessary. My hands quickly moved around her neck and my fingers tangled in her hair. I pulled her face within a breath of mine and held her there briefly while our heartbeats accelerated. Our lips met hungrily as I stepped inside and kicked the door closed with my foot. She lifted her long legs around my hips and I walked us into the bedroom. She placed soft, wet kisses on my neck as her heated core rubbed hard against my erection with every step I took. After setting Bella on her bed, I shook out my jacket and pushed her nightgown up greedily. As she lay bare beneath my gaze, her sweet scent was almost my immediate undoing. I kneeled on the floor and pushed her knees further apart, placing one smooth leg gracefully over my shoulder. I wrapped my arm under the other soft thigh and spread her glistening folds before me.

"Baby…" she purred.

I tasted her in long, slow, smooth strokes. She reactively clenched towards me and I strengthened my grip. I could never get enough of the woman I'd loved for so long. I swirled my tongue around her clit, focused completely on her pleasure. Bella's hand met mine resting on the top her thigh and our fingers laced in the most intimate of gestures. I slowly slid two fingers into her wet heat and moved in time as she arched her back slightly off the bed.

Her free hand found my hair and forced me deeper between her legs. Her lust and love of my mouth on her spurred me on. My tongue laved and licked firmly while my fingers plunged into her depths. Sucking her clit into my mouth, I felt the hard clutch of her fingers around mine and a tremble through her core.

"Fuck…" She moaned, grasping me to her center as she rode out her orgasm.

Bella was breathless and beautiful trying to compose herself. Her thin, white nightgown was bunched up around her waist and seductively hanging off one shoulder. One breast was exposed to me as the other was barely hidden by the transparent material. My eyes swept over her perfect body as I started to unbutton my shirt. Finally undressed, I joined her on the bed and smoothed her long hair away from her face. My fingers traced her cheekbone, down her jaw and back to her lips. She pressed her face into my hand and closed her eyes.

"You're here." She whispered.

I continued my path down her neck, and porcelain chest to the satin ribbon between her breasts, slowly untying it. I teased and rolled her already exposed nipple, while roughly sucking the other one over the barrier. Through the wet fabric I could see the effect I had on her. She pushed on my shoulders, forcing me to roll on my back. Straddling me, she gently held my hard cock in her hand as she ran it through her wetness. We locked our heady gaze as she lifted to her knees then sank down on me, both of us gasping from the sudden sensual connection. I pulled her nightgown over her head and brushed my fingertips around her pink, hardened nipples.

"That's it, baby." I encouraged her as she grabbed my hands and began to move.

She swiveled and rotated her hips in a perfect rhythm. Her tiny moans and faint blush indicated she was nearing another climax. I sat up suddenly driving my cock deeper inside her. Without breaking our connection, I flipped her over onto her back and started my own erotic pace. Her legs wrapped naturally around my waist as I picked up the tempo. She methodically met me thrust for thrust. I never wanted to leave my heaven. But I wasn't going to last much longer hidden in her warmth. I shifted my hips touching the spot deep within her that only I knew of.

"Yes…oh god…"

I kissed her passionately while we came together hard. Staring into each others eyes, our breathing slowly returned to normal and we lost ourselves in a quiet, intense moment of reverence and understanding. I shifted to pull out of her, but her legs reactively tightened around my waist and her hands splayed across my back.

"Stay," she cried softly.

**A/N**

**Thank you so very much for reading, rec'ing, reviewing, tweeting and all things wonderful. I can't tell you how much your encouragement means to me.**

**jaimearkin, you make me laugh. Renas40, you make me smile. Together you make this special. Love you both xo**

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	4. Chapter 3 Little Room

**Chapter 3, Little Room**

"Anyone home?" I shouted into Hale House through the side storm door.

"In here," Rosalie answered.

I found her in the large kitchen, deep blue velour jogging suit, barefoot, tight bleached ponytail_. _"You're looking gorgeous as usual, new uniform?" I smirked, kissing her cheek.

"And you're a lovable, charming smart ass." We shared a light knowing laugh. "Look at this shadow." Brushing her palm down my face, she said, "I bet Lauren hates this."

"Does the knife wielding mean it's your turn?" I asked, picking up a piece of green pepper then hopping up onto the counter.

"Yes, I'm making my famous sausage tortellini soup. My parents stocked the fridge and pantry. I know you're disappointed that it's not Mike's turn."

"I'm just thankful that it's not Tyler's," I teased.

"Mike's bringing his partner Paul. You haven't met him yet, have you?"

"No, but Bella talks about him all the time. Are you coming back for the restaurant opening?"

"I don't know yet. But, I'm excited for him. Oh and don't say anything, but I think James and Vickie have some news."

She raised an eyebrow and I knew.

"Did the boys get the pencils and pattern books?" I asked.

"God, they love them, especially Garrett."

"Good. Something other than football drills to do after school?" I moved down from the counter and looked out of the window over the large farmhouse sink. "So where's Emmett?"

"He went for a run. He had a hard time this morning. I hope Bella will be…"

"Me too," I interrupted and pulled her towards me. Rosalie ran her hand over her face, patted my chest and forged on.

"You'd better go claim your room before Tyler gets here with Tanya. You know he always wants the bay window."

With that, I headed up the back staircase to the little room on the end with the bay window and tapestry chair…

_"Hi." Bella leaned in the doorway. "You didn't want to go sailing?"_

_Straining a smile, I shook my head in answer and hunched over to finish tying my shoes. She moved further into the room and sat down on the pine paneled floor in front of me._

_"Hopefully they'll make it back before it gets dark," She joked desperately. Searching the space of our silence, her eyes met my packed duffle bag._

_"Are you leaving?" She asked softly._

_"I don't even know what I'm doing here, Bella."_

_"Edward..."_

_"I'm taking the offer at Mallory Partners in Atlanta."_

_"Oh..."_

_"Sam mentioned you're staying in Chicago during the off season too."_

_"Only because of his foundation… It's a huge commitment," she explained defensively._

_A few quiet moments passed between us. The room was still. She rose purposefully to her knees, leaned towards me and rested her hands on my thighs. _

"_But... I'm here…right now," she whispered._

_I reached my hand out. My fingertips feathered across her cheek and down to her chin, running the length of her smooth throat. She tilted her head back with a light moan, giving me access to the bare skin on her chest. She slowly crawled into my lap, laying her legs across mine._

_"I burn for you, baby. I…" She breathed._

_"Shhh… Bella, we have to let go now."_

_"I don't think I can, Edward."_

_My fingers trailed down her breastbone over her white tank to the button on her shorts pulling gently to open them. _

"_Fuck, I miss you."_

_My free hand dug into the silky strands of her hair bringing her closer and my deft fingers found her wet heat under the cotton and lace._

_I dragged my nose up her jaw breathing in that distinct Bella scent. Her breath hitched as I teased her folds. And when I buried my face into that sweet spot just below her ear, my fingers buried into her warmth. _

_"I shouldn't be touching you like this."_

_Her arms were tight around my shoulders, her hands gripping my t-shirt. She was biting down on her lip to stifle her sounds of pleasure. I knew the look she wore; I'd seen it so many times before. She was close to unraveling. I brought my thumb down on her clit, pressing tight circles in time with the thrusting of my fingers inside._

_"Bella..." I groaned. "You can't scream my name and I can't fuck you anymore, baby." _

_Her hips became erratic; she was desperate for the release only I could give her. As she rode out her blissful tremors… our gaze never parted. _

"Bella!"

When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I found Rosalie doting on Bella like a mother bird. She was sorting out the tangled mess of past tokens hanging around her neck; a diamond remount, a sterling flower.

"Hi, you." Bella lit into a brilliant, sated smile. "Thanks for leaving the coffee on." I winked my reply. We shared a brief imitation of ordinary.

"Rose…" Hearing Emmett's useless bellow, we moved back into the kitchen.

His head was appropriately buried in the refrigerator when we rounded the corner.

Bella moved towards him first, wrapping her tiny arms around his thick neck.

"Whoa, I'm gross right now. Don't…" He immediately pulled away from her.

"Edward." He acknowledged me in the midst of bottle chugging.

"Enjoying the cooler air?" I tried.

"Not bad."

Rosalie continued with her lunch preparation avoiding the tension.

"Can I run with you tomorrow morning?" Bella asked with insecurity reserved for Emmett.

He shrugged. Bella sank.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Bullshit! That never happened. You know that was James not me," Tyler shouted as I dodged a couch pillow aimed for my head. I held up my glass of Purple Cowboy wine, Angela's favorite, in mock toast to taunt further.

It never took long for us to fall into position, even under horrendous circumstances. It was immediate and natural. We were a dysfunctional family of sorts; a motley crew of young professionals reunited in the darkest tragedies and happiest of moments, always depending on our bond to carry and heal.

"Dude, how would you know anyway, you were too busy doing Jessica at the sorority house," Tyler continued his defense of my assault.

This was our drill… our joy.

"Okay…okay… enough with the nonsense. It's our turn. So…we're having a baby in November!" Victoria shouted in exhilaration.

"What?" Always first, Bella yanked her feet off Mike's lap and leaped towards them. She swallowed them in a bear hug of excitement and love, concealing her private ache. Only I knew of that mask she wore.

"God, you're going to be so far away with new, tiny toes, I can't stand it. Are the moving plans are still solid?"

"We really can't pass up the offer. The research grant is exceptional. But, we'll still be here for Mike's opening in May, and hopefully make it down to the wedding in July," James said.

"Yes and before any of you give us shit for having an outdoor wedding in South Florida, Rosalie swears there'll be a breeze coming off the water," Tyler stated.

"It'll be beautiful. Rosalie's house is stunning," Bella added.

"Oh, Edward, I meant to tell you, I saw Lauren on the Living channel last week. She was promoting a new furniture store," Tanya said emphatically.

"Yeah? Huh."

"Well, she looked amazing. She's so pretty," she added.

The gauntlet dropped emboldening my lover.

"So, Edward was giving me shit last night about how I drive my car."

"You drive too fast. I speak the truth." I tentatively played along.

"He's right, Bella." Rosalie added with a raised brow.

"I think my dad has an APB out on me. As soon as I drive into the Forks city limits one of his deputies pulls me over."

"I'll take it off your hands. I've always loved that car. Never understood why Sam bought you purple, but that bitch is fast," Tyler said.

"You should sell it. You didn't have any trouble getting rid of the van," Emmett interjected. Rosalie gripped his shoulder.

Bella moved back next to Mike. "I didn't get _rid_ of the van. Jake found a family upstate that needed a modified vehicle for their handicapped son. I _gave_ it to them."

"Hey, Emmett what ever happened to that van you drove senior year? That thing was a disaster." James attempted to recover the mood.

"You mean the one Edward popped Bella's cherry in after the homecoming game?" Emmett spewed.

"That's enough." I warned.

Bella straightened. "Paul, I apologize for Emmett's inappropriate bullshit. He has a problem with me and I can't seem to fix it." Her voice cracked and my chest tightened. "The rest of you already know what a prick he is. Sorry Rose, I love you."

I caught her hand as she stalked out of the room, but she pulled it from my grasp.

Mike and I stood up immediately. Mike held up his arm to stop me.

"Let me," he whispered.

I turned back towards Emmett. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"You really want to do this with me?" He sneered.

I tensed and he stood.

"Not now, not here. Just leave her the fuck alone," I responded and walked out.

Cracking open the bedroom door about an hour later, I found Mike getting up from the end of the bed.

"She fell asleep," he said quietly, touching my shoulder.

"She's okay?" I asked.

"I think her expectations were a little high for this weekend."

"It's too soon. And Angela…"

"She's struggling. She needs to make peace with this and doesn't know how."

"I don't want her hurting." I was trembling.

"She's at her best with you. You've got to get there again," he said moving towards the door.

"I don't know if…"

"She needs you to be strong and honest now. You know I love you both. I wouldn't be breathing if it weren't for… you guys saved my life. I can't stand to see her in that same depth of sadness, Edward."

Mike shut the door gently behind him. I slid into bed with Bella… so she could dream.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Hey, please come inside, you're getting soaked." Bella was standing in the cold, spring drizzle wearing a charcoal colored sweater dress and purple crocheted beret.

"There they are." She smiled through raindrops and tears when she finally saw Eric and Leah.

We sat in the front row a few chairs from Eric and his parents, but we held Leah. I was silently analyzing my words while she pulled at the grey scarf around my neck.

"Oh my God. I just saw James with that same scarf. You kids are so cute wearing matching clothes."

"Actually Renee, Angela made the hats and scarves for us," I explained impatiently.

"Edward, I swear you're more handsome than last time," Bella's mom rambled.

The last time… _On Tuesday, I was a pallbearer at Sam's funeral and on Saturday, I was making love to his widow. _

"She's drunk," I whispered to Bella with displaced hatred.

Bella's dad moved up from behind Renee.

"Charlie." I nodded.

"Edward." His greeting was equally brief. He hadn't looked me in the eye in over ten years, when I segued from 'Chief Swan' to 'Charlie'.

He pulled Bella up by the arm like a naughty child within inches of his face. Yet, the somber room allowed the noise of his every word.

"Bella, show some fucking respect? For once? Your husband's been dead less than a year. You two can't blend in over there with rest of your buddies?"

"I'm helping with the baby, Edward's speaking in Angela's honor and you're hurting my arm," she responded angrily.

Carlisle appeared suddenly and pulled Bella out of Charlie's hold into his own embrace.

Pleasantries were forced and Charlie led Renee to the back of the room.

"Where's Mom?" I asked my dad as he rubbed Bella's arm.

"She's not feeling well." That was my punishment for last night.

Bella began to soothe Leah, whispering rhymes in her tiny ears.

As I cleared my throat and smoothed out my dark dress pants, Bella slid her hand over mine. Again, she mindlessly twisted the metal that belonged to someone else. I squeezed her fingers in response and stood to move to the podium, embracing Eric on my way.

"So, Angela…" I started and breathed. "I'd like to speak on behalf of a group of old, close friends that loved her... very much. We lived with Angela for the better part of the last ten years. She was our quiet strength… our earth mother. Tofu and lentils, yoga breathing..." A light wave of familiar laughter comforted me.

I continued, "Angela had this peaceful spirit. See there was a chalkboard that hung in our kitchen. We used it mostly to announce a needed beer run. But Angela… she would write these words on it. Like motivational phrases… yeah… well, I actually still remember some of them. Now, I realize they were so definitive of who she was. Be present… Be grateful…Be intentional…"

Holding my fist to my mouth, I battled angry tears.

"And beautiful… She was so beautiful. Just look at Leah." I motioned towards Angela's baby daughter pressed against Bella's damp, red cheek. "Eric, we're here and we love you, man. Bella tells me all the time that babies are _hope_." I broke.

Blowing out a deep breath, "And… _hope is grief's best music."_

**A/N**

**Thank you very much for reading :) Edward quoted a phrase with an anonymous origin.**

**jaimearkin and Renas40, I couldn't and wouldn't without you xo**

**Would love to hear from you. Please let me know what you're thinking...**


	5. Chapter 4 Wish I Could

**Chapter 4, Wish I Could**

"Peek-a-boo." Bella gestured playfully as baby legs kicked in the moonlight.

I rubbed the top of Leah's head and held her tiny hand. "Love you, sweet girl."

I pulled Bella close as we watched Eric pull away from Hale House.

Weary and dreading the next farewell, we made our way into the unusually peaceful kitchen. Mike and Paul sat at the far end of the large pine table choosing wedding cake fondant with Tanya and Tyler while Rose bragged through photographs of her boys to Victoria at the center island.

Bella began stacking used dinner dishes, while I rolled up my sleeves to help her at the sink.

"It was good of Dr. and Mrs. Uley to come today," Emmett said.

Bella stilled as her knuckles bent around the rim of a sudsy green dish. His comment was soaked in spite and seeking immediate reaction. I rested my hand on hers.

"Dr. Uley mentioned your resignation from the foundation board." He was relentless.

"Oh, he did?" She whispered, her head low.

"Sweetheart, why?" Victoria asked concerned.

"Because it's the right thing to do," Bella answered squaring her shoulders slightly.

"But with your professional background…" Victoria pushed.

"Jake has plenty of therapeutic knowledge. He respected my decision and so did Sam's parents." Bella lifted another dish from the pile with trembling hands.

Emmett scoffed loudly, moving closer to add a dirty beer mug to the task.

Sensing his approach behind her, Bella spun around and dropped a plate at his feet.

"Just say what you need to say Emmett, so we can all fucking move on." The dam finally gave way.

"That's what it's all about, isn't it? Moving on…" He taunted.

"What do you want me from me? I can't live with this hate and guilt from you anymore. It's torturing me," Bella cried.

"Oh, poor Bella," he said dramatically.

"Emmett, stop!" Rosalie demanded.

I steadied Bella, placing my hands on her shoulders and whispered, "Let's go upstairs." She forcibly shook me off.

"You're all he fucking had," Emmett shouted through his own tears. "He needed you."

"You don't think I loved my husband?"

"Where were you that day? Where? Across the country whoring around with Edward…" Bella slapped the disgust off his face.

James caught me as I lunged forward.

"Let them do this… they need to do this," James said quietly to me as the necessary tirade continued.

"Do you know how fucking scared he was? Do you? No one was there for him, Bella."

"That could've been anyone… even you. It was an accident, Emmett. It was the only game I _ever_missed. I always supported him." She desperately defended herself.

"Not enough."

"I fucking gave up everything…" She violently motioned her hand to the side, where I remained. "Do you really want to discuss the indignities of being paralyzed? I did it 24 hours a day…"

"You're so fucking self righteous, Bella. You were living a goddamn _lie_…" Emmett slammed his fist down on the table and walked out with Rosalie in tow.

"I did love him…" Bella's voice was lost in heartbreaking lament.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Her sweet breath dusted over my face as she rested her lean body over mine. Her gentle fingers traced my nose, my eyebrows, and lips as the sun rose outside the bay window.

We ignored my vibrating phone.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that last night," she said quietly locking my gaze.

"I know your heart, Bella. And…so did Sam." I wiped a stray tear trickling down over her natural blush.

"I want to make plans," she said licking her bottom lip.

"Plans?"

"I'm floating. I'm… scared, Edward."

"I know…" I paused, tightening my embrace and guiding her head to my chest. "I've got you."

I buried my nose in her hair and kissed the top of her head. A few weighted moments passed and my phone vibrated for the second time.

"You should answer that." Bella said empathically and edged towards the end of the bed.

"Hey," I answered.

"Happy Easter," Lauren said.

"You too."

"I just got to the club with Daddy. Was the funeral sad?"

"Yes, of course it was."

"The egg hunt was cute. Riley was a good stand-in."

Bella stood and moved towards the bathroom, stopping just before the door. I watched her slowly, purposefully pull her pale blue nightgown over her head, exposing her stunning and bare backside to me. The gown fell from her fingertips to the cold morning floor. It was bold, it was seductive. She'd earned the right.

"You leavin' for the airport soon?" Lauren's question startled me.

"Yeah, I'm headed into the shower...now."

"Okay. Oh hey, there's Mr. and Mrs. Banner. Oh my god, their daughter looks awful. Edward, let me go."

The small bathroom was filling with hot steam as I walked in and pulled off my boxers. Pushing aside the sheer shower curtain, I moved in behind Bella's slick body. Rivulets of water rushed down her luminescent skin and pooled at our feet. I squeezed the soap from her hair as I moved flush against her back. Skimming my fingers tenderly down to her waist, she hummed her approval. Her arms made their way up around my neck and her hands tugged at my hair. Leaning in to lick, nip, and suck the skin near her throat, she tipped to the side allowing for more access. My hands roamed down her taut stomach then back up to her tantalizing swells. Lifting her breasts with my palms, my thumbs teased over her pert nipples eliciting a sweet sound of desire.

I worked my hands lower over her wet, heated skin. Her left hand followed down the center of her chest to rest over mine, guiding me gently between her legs.

Together our fingers teased. "You like that don't you, baby?"

My hard cock rested against her ass as we rubbed slow circles around her sensitive clit. I glanced down to watch my fingers push inside her while she continued to touch herself. We worked together bringing her closer to the blissful edge.

"Please…"

She whispered a plea for more as I picked up my pace and she pressed down on her own swollen flesh. Tightening around my fingers, she gasped and trembled.

I quickly turned her into the wall and pulled her leg around my waist. My erection throbbed at her heat.

"I love you, Bella."

Our stare seared as I plunged into her; our hot mouths breaking from a deep kiss to breathe through the pleasure. I slowly pulled my hips back and forced forward again as Bella's fingers dug into my shoulder. "You fuck me so good, Edward."

The water cascaded over us as her body molded around mine. I felt the coil tightening as I picked up the intensity of my thrusts. I cradled the back of Bella's head as she slid up and down the wet tiled wall. "I love you," she panted. I emptied into her as she moaned through another high. We reveled in our connection with soft, reverent kisses as the water chilled.

With only one button accomplished, Bella wrapped her arms around me from behind. She feathered blindly through the hair on my bare chest and stomach.

"I hate Sundays." It was a deceivingly simple statement.

"You always have."

I turned in her arms and she grabbed my hands peppering kisses over them. She finished buttoning my shirt as tears streamed down her beautifully flushed cheeks. I ran my hands down the length of her arms from shoulder to elbow, our parting signal.

"I don't want to do this downstairs." She looked towards the door.

I framed her gorgeous face between my hands one last time.

"Listen to me… You are so loved. Those people down there, love you… it's unconditional. Remember that."

She nodded slightly. Her chin quivered, just as it did when I arrived.

"Don't go…yet," she mouthed silently. Gripping my hand, she steadied her feet on the floor, preparing for the inevitable pull.

I held her quietly in the center of the little room and stared over her shoulder at the tapestry chair.

"Edward…"

"Hmmm?"

"I want to plant a garden, vegetables… maybe some wildflowers too, on the side of the house, by the line of fir trees."

"We can do that."

The veil lifted, her eyes brightened. We had a plan…

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Spotting my red Infiniti elicited an unfamiliar burst of adrenaline deep within. Heightened emotions, leaving Bella and returning to my reality had me teetering on rage. Heading north on the interstate away from the airport towards my Buckhead neighborhood, I hoped to channel the new fury into my looming Monday morning presentation.

"Hello," Alice answered.

"Hey, how was your weekend?"

"Good, I worked a double on Friday. But Lauren took me shopping after work Saturday. Did you see Mom and Dad?"

"I only saw Dad. Can I take you to lunch this week?" I asked.

"Uhm… I can do coffee maybe on Wednesday. I'm going to bed, let me get Jasper." She averted.

"Hey man, all set for the morning?" I asked.

"I hope so. So, how's everyone?"

"Doing okay. I'll be at the office by seven and we can go over together, sound good?"

"Sure, you're the boss." Jasper reminded.

When I pulled into the garage, I noticed a new text message.

_I made it home…_

I quickly replied,

_I made it to Atlanta…_

There were no lights on downstairs; I felt my way to the kitchen. My hand froze over the handle of the typically clear refrigerator door. _Fuck. _

_Save the date_

_Tanya and Tyler_

_July 3, 2010_

_Miami, Florida_

My secret hung next to an appointment card for Lauren M. Cullen.

When I finally walked into the master bedroom, conservative news wranglers flooded the sterility with noise. The glow from the flat screen poured over my wife's sleeping form. The twisted sheets revealed her in neither silk nor satin. _Oh._

I grabbed my phone, took my pillow and walked out of the bedroom.

**A/N**

**Thank you for reading, encouraging and supporting xo**

**jaimearkin and Renas40 Thank you for being honest and there. Love you both. xx**

**Thank you to the very sweet, lightheaded23 for the Atlanta facts and figures. xo**

**Please treat yourself to the unique, sexy and beautifully written story by my beta, The White Swan Lodge fanfiction(dot)net/s/6389047/1/The_White_Swan_Lodge**

**I love hearing from you. Your insight is like magic to me...**


	6. Chapter 5 Back to Manhattan

**Chapter 5, Back to Manhattan**

"What's this?" Lauren handed me a black box as I finished a glass of juice.

"A little something to complete your ensemble," she said running her fingers down the lapel of my tan suit jacket. She was close, uncomfortably so. Twenty four hours ago, I treasured another's touch. I tensed, she retreated. Her bare breast peeked from her purple silk robe. The box held a new Tag Heuer watch. "Now, we match," she beamed and winked.

"It's nice, thank you." I slid it unceremoniously on my left wrist.

"I bought Alice a few sundresses too."

"How'd she seem?" I worried.

"Fine. She's always good when we go shopping and spend money on her, Edward."

"It's not that simple, Lauren." I walked out of the kitchen, finished.

"Oh, I requested the Fourth of July weekend off," she shouted after me.

"Okay, I need to run. I'll probably be late tonight." She moved, blocking my exit to the garage; her eyes searching.

"Can we talk tonight? I have something I need to tell you. Let's meet for dinner after the six o'clock airs."

_The appointment card. _

"Call me." I grazed her silk covered shoulder with my left hand. Reactively, she grabbed my hand and held it, admiring the new silver weight… heavy, unfamiliar.

I sank behind my desk, focused on the voice mail barrage with a dizzied head. Embry Young of Green Dawn was apparently desperate to reach me while I'd been out west. I wondered briefly why he didn't just speak with Jasper. I thumbed through the geotechnical surveys that Green Dawn Environmental did for Aro Randall, looking for Young's name, wanting to place him before I replied.

Caius Volturi, President of the environmental engineering firm, was the only signature I found.

Just as I picked up the phone to return the call, my cell phone vibrated.

"Hey, what are you doing up so early?" I answered.

"I set my alarm. I wanted to wish you luck."

"Thank you, baby. It'll be fine; I think we've got it nailed."

"Hmmm, too bad. I was sort of hoping it would go to shit, so we get make an offer on that loft in Soho," she giggled, brazen and new.

"Bella…"

"I'm teasing. I love you."

"Love you too…" I reveled in her words and their meaning.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

_The autumn afternoon sun filtered through the large window near the temporary dance floor. We loved to dance. We fit. She was stunning; neutral tones in paisley silk falling just above her knee, tall heeled leather boots. She stepped back allowing a carefree spin. _

"_How about Boston?" She dreamed. _

_I smiled my response and pulled her close._

"_Or, we could just stay here and take over Angela and Eric's lease," she continued._

"_There's more job security for me in the South, right now, Bella. It's where the new development is." _

"_I'm jobless and homeless… He told me to keep the car," she said quietly. I'd heard the story of the end in pauses since we arrived. Angela and Eric's wedding had been planned for six months; Bella's divorce… for three days. I consoled when her reality reared, but she was mostly thoughtful, settled and relieved. _

"_I'm cutting in, I never see this handsome guy anymore," Angela teased then kissed Bella on the cheek. _

"_You're glowing," I complimented my newly married friend._

"_Thank you. You okay?" _

"_Couldn't be better," I admitted selfishly. _

"_Edward, take it slow. It's fresh. Sam loved her very much."_

"_Ang, I know. But, it's our turn." _

_The band's smooth jazz flow ceased and Bella stood at a microphone with a cobalt wine glass in her hand. She winked as Angela and I made our way back to Eric. The reserved restaurant was narrow with contemporary artwork painted directly on the red brick interior. The wedding celebration was intimate. Bella and I were the only past friends in attendance. I reveled in being real with my lover, slowly realizing the truth of our freedom. _

"_Okay, you two… this moment. This moment is beautiful. Your love is beautiful. The purest love we've ever witnessed. Hoping all of your tomorrows are as special as this day. We're honored to be here. Love you both so much." Bella raised her glass and I was finally part of… we . _

_We held our quintessential Angela style party favor of canned organic jam, threatening to stop for a loaf of rustic whole wheat on the way back to the hotel. "Alright we're off to make babies," Eric joked grabbing his vowed sweetheart. Warm embraces and simple kisses passed between friends as we cleared the venue. "You deserve this time, my friend. Patience of a saint… Take care of our girl," Eric said to me, quietly. "You're the only one she knows, Edward. We'll be celebrating you guys soon." _

_I opened the taxi door for Bella to slide in. As soon as I rested inside, her hands tangled in mine. The magic of autumn in the city, the romance of the day's purpose, and future's promise overwhelmed us both. Her hands were in my hair, pulling me towards her. She leaned back against the glass window as I placed a gentle kiss on her wanting lips. "We're really doing this. You won't say no, again?" She breathed. The desperate question fractured the moment. "Baby, never," I assured. _

_Our ride up the elevator was complete with reverent, silent smiles. I ran my thumb over her delicate knuckles while we walked to our room. Bella unzipped her boots near the bed and raised a flirtatious eyebrow at me. She pulled her dress over her head and tossed it playfully towards me. I made my way to her and placed a tender kiss on her bare shoulder, then at the curve of her neck. My fingers trailed a path down her smooth skin as a shiver moved through her core. Our reflection in the mirror opposite us caught my eye. Bella took my breath away; no one else would ever see her this way again. _

_After loosening a few buttons, I pulled my dress shirt over my head and pressed my chest against her back. She pulled her hair over her shoulder, requesting more. I worshipped with wet kisses down her neck. Her hands brushed over her breasts while I slid my fingers to the edge of her panties, tickling and teasing. _

_Pushing my pants and boxers down and off, then grasping the backs of her supple thighs, I glanced in the mirror again; greedily taking in the sensual sight of her slightly parted lips and tilted head. She pulled her nipples into tight peaks while I caressed her ass and pulled down her panties. "Do you want it like this, baby?" _

"_Yes, Edward take me…" _

_She climbed gracefully onto the bed as I followed leaning in to taste the measures of luminescent skin with my mouth, lips and tongue. I held the base of my cock, sliding it through her wetness from behind, then pushing slowly into her warmth. Resting my forehead on her back seeking composure, she shifted. "I need you… Oh, god." _

_She fell to her forearms just as I pulled out and began my rhythm. The image in the mirror spoke of love, protection and want. My body surrounded hers as I pounded and poured every emotion I owned into my best friend, my lover, now mine forever. _

"_Harder Edward, please harder," she begged over her shoulder. I held her hips as I paced and pumped. Her legs began to tremble as she moaned into the pillow._

_Collapsing onto her back, I followed her to a climax, "Bella… fuck." I laced my fingers with hers above her head where she gripped the sheets. _

"_Hold me." I rolled her to the side and wrapped her in our security as our breathing slowed. Her whisper filled the faint darkness of a new evening, "I told him I didn't want anything, Edward… because now, I would have everything." _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

_Bella's phone vibrated several times while she was blow drying her hair. I didn't recognize the name or number, so I let it be. We enjoyed a lazy Sunday morning of making love and were headed to brunch at our favorite café in the East Village. My phone was suddenly vibrating, also. _

"_Hey, Dad," I answered surprised. _

"_Edward, are you still in New York with Bella?" He asked urgently._

"_Yes, why? What's wrong… Alice?" _

"_No. It's… is Bella near you?"_

"_She's blow drying her hair. What the hell's going on?" _

"_Turn on the Sports Network… Sam." _

_I flipped through the channels nervously. Keeping my dad near me, I listened to two anchors who would become villains of my memory. Their commentary quickly poisoned my soul. _

"Sam Uley, the 27 year old wide receiver for the Chicago Bears, former Heisman trophy winner, from the University of Washington Huskies, took a devastating hit by linebacker Felix Black of the Carolina Panthers. Uley never saw him coming, never even tensed."

"_Dad, what should I do? Holy shit." _

"_I'll stay near the phone, Edward. If either of you need anything, call me."_

_I knocked on the bathroom door just as she opened it. Brilliant, beautiful…Bella. She kissed me chastely as she moved past my frozen form. "Sorry, I took so long. I bet you're starving, I'm ready." _

_I grabbed her hand and led her to sit at the end of the bed. "Bella, there's been an accident. It's Sam…" I motioned towards the television, because I didn't know what else to do. I was lost, completely. _

_The replay of the impact menaced on a loop. I held her gently, quietly letting her absorb as both cell phones vibrated around us. _

"Running his route… Look at him, terrible form, so uncharacteristic of Uley. That's bad. I've never seen him run a route like that before. His turns are always sharp and crisp. He still hasn't moved yet. They are removing him from the field now. This Bears offense will be hurting without him. We'll update his condition as soon as we know anything."

_Her grip on my shirt tightened with every word. I glanced behind us to read our phones. Rosalie was calling me and the same unfamiliar number called Bella. "Baby, do you want the TV off? What do you need?" I asked desperately._

"_I need to go," she said barely audible, setting the perpetual nightmare of our lives in motion. I rubbed her back, while a slight and frightening tremor settled in her head. _

_Lifting her phone to her flushed face, she answered, I listened… _

"_Is he…" _

"_I understand. How long will it take?" _

"_I'm not in Chicago, I'm sorry…" Her voice cracked and tears spilled. _

"_Yes, I'm his wife. Thank you." She hung up. _

"_Edward, I think I'm going to be sick…" I rushed, grabbing the empty ice bucket while she heaved. She hurried to the bathroom, shutting the door. With trembling hands I worked furiously through my hair and over my face. I spoke with a hysterical Rosalie, an emotional Mike and my dad once more before she reappeared. _

"_I'll change our flights," I offered, she stared._

"_I'm going home alone," she said quietly, directly. _

"_Okay. I won't go. Bella, come here," I breached the dense space between us, but she stepped back. Oh god no, baby._

"_I did this. What if…" she cried, she shook. _

_Moving silently around me, she packed lace panties, faded jeans, sweaters and hairbrushes. I changed her reservations and arranged for transportation to LaGuardia… immediately. She let me hold her hand as we made our way to the lobby. I placed her suitcase in the trunk of the waiting taxi, while she got into the backseat. I kneeled down at the pavement in front of the open door. She wiped her face and turned towards me, biting her lip. I smiled reassuringly and kissed her firmly on her forehead as I stood to shut the door. And with that she was gone, just as quickly as she'd returned. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Hey, Edward… man, sorry I'm late." Jasper's apology sliced through my reminiscing. I startled to reality as my business partner tossed drawing tubes on his desk and frantically sucked on his coffee mug. "My fucking car broke down."

"No problem. Let's go wrap this deal up." I threw my satchel over my shoulder, scrolling quickly through my email. More messages from Young…

_Mr. Cullen, it's urgent that I speak to you regarding the North End land deal. Please contact me asap. Embry Young, Green Dawn Environmental Engineering._

**A/N**

**Thank you very much for reading. **

**Thank you to my talented, rare gem winning beta, jaimearkin and my supportive and lovely prereader Renas40. I couldn't or wouldn't without you both. xoxo **

**Very warm and special thanks to the wonderful 1redsoc, who wrote a beautiful review about the lovers on the twific promotions blog. twi-ficpromotions(dot)/2010/11/love-is-end(dot) html - xo**

**I'm so grateful for your response and encouragement to the story. **

**Have a terrific week.  
****Keep in touch... xo**


	7. From Bella, December

**From Bella, **_**December**_

The halls of my new home were decorated with cheap gold tinsel, twisted and sagging. There was a Christmas tree on the desk, with recycled red balls clinging to distorted limbs. My roommates were finally familiar; after two months I knew their names and where their children learned. It was usually casual, friendly conversation while hovering over my husband's motionless body. But sometimes, they whispered if their words might break Sam's heart, _again_.

"Hi," I whispered. "Is he asleep?"

"Yes, I think so. Come sit down, you look tired." Sue, the unit night nurse, moved from Sam's bedside and motioned to the single burgundy vinyl chair. I laid my hand over his and sank back with a sigh, my eight o'clock ritual.

"It just gets so quiet, sometimes. I should bring this Christmas box I have, that my mom gave me. It has a nativity scene inside and when you lift the lid it plays "O Holy Night…." It's nice, I really like it."

"That's a beautiful song." Sue was calm, still. She'd supported families on that floor for over ten years. The day I arrived, she told me that she was here not only for Sam, but also for me.

"Sam loves Christmas… traditions." I laced my fingers with his, heavy like lead. I watched Sue's reflection in the large, dark window, she moved back into the striped loveseat by the door. She instinctively sensed my need.

"Traditional, most men aren't anymore, you know. He took my dad, Charlie, out to dinner before he proposed," I smiled, staring at Sam's bare left hand. "My dad… he was so happy. He loves Sam, he loves me… because of Sam." Tears threatened. "Did you know we've known each other since kindergarten? If Sam's dad had to work late, my dad picked him up from practice. Charlie coached Sam's youth league. His biggest fan. Yeah… My freshman year at UW, my dad bought me season tickets for the games. I sold them to a guy on the third floor of my dorm, for twenty dollars."

"All of them?" Sue played along.

"Yeah," I laughed lightly. "I would just go to the stadium during the fourth quarter… meet my dad and Dr. Uley outside the player's entrance. Seems so silly, now."

"You didn't like watching him play?" She wondered, genuinely intrigued.

"Sure, sometimes. But, Edward… see my friend and I, we had this bookstore we loved that was downtown. We'd go there on game day. It was quiet, we could talk. There were these cozy sofas and apple cider and we'd take our shoes off and…" I heard Sue shift.

"Mrs. Uley…" Touching my shoulder with one hand, Sue motioned towards Sam with her other. I startled as damp, dark eyes stared back. A faint wheezing followed by a gasp penetrated the quiet space, his chin trembled.

"Bella…" He strained.

I climbed onto the bed, crawling closer with every breath.

"No, shhh. It's okay," I soothed.

"I… tried…"

"Oh, god… Sam, I thought you were sleeping."

"I knew. But… you loved…"

"I did… I do, baby. Always. Please Sam, I love you… It's okay.

His tears fell silent and helpless. I ran my shivering fingertips over his wet skin. Nausea settled in, I swallowed heavy and hard. I was pathetic.

"I'm scared. Today… I was…" His eyes wide with strain and desperation. "I want… to touch you."

"You can, you can. Feel me… I'm right here." We struggled together. I leaned in, nuzzling, rubbing. Tears mixing between our flesh.

"We… made love. I dreamed. I… made love to you. At home," my husband whispered. Slowly, I righted myself; speechless and lost. My entire existence was a lie. I'd stolen and smashed his life to the pieces lying in the hospital bed.

"I'm still… here." His stare stabbed me.

"Yes, baby. You're still here. So brave." I peppered tender kisses from his forehead to his lips, affirming… _loving_. Those he could feel.

Nothing else mattered once the spinning stopped. Sam calmed and drifted content in my arms. My dependent soul never believed _I _could do the comforting. I sought it elsewhere, always. Expecting Sam to fill the void my parents left. What survival I learned from the distant love of my childhood, had now devastated my future. But Edward loved me with the purest intent. For that he didn't deserve the fate of my selfish expectations and demands.

After finding an empty, sterile hallway I held my phone anxiously in my palm. Running my thumb over the surface, my heart drowned in dread.

"Bella? Christ, baby. You finally called." The sound of Edward's voice weakened my knees. I reactively leaned against the wall, the handicap railing supporting me.

"Hi… I know, I'm sorry I haven't returned…"

"Just talk to me. How are you?"

"I'm… Sam's…" I released, heaving.

"Hey… hey, Bella. It's okay, I understand."

"Oh, Mike's coming… next week. He's going to bake and cook. He loves our kitchen," I blurted with fake resolve.

"Did you get my package?" He hoped.

"Yes, the neighbor took it in. I haven't opened it yet. Is it perishable?"

His sigh was palpable.

"No, not perishable. Just my old Huskies sweatshirt… your favorite. In case you get cold at the hospital."

I shattered.

"Edward…"

"Bella, please…not yet," he begged. "Hey, guess where I am?"

"Where?"

"The annual Mallory Partners Christmas party. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?" He joked. "Yeah, my goal for tonight is to make my presence known to the big boss, Peter Mallory. Fucker doesn't even know my name let alone how many engineering divisions he owns."

"You can do it. You're very assertive and suave when necessary," I teased through tears. His sweet, familiar laughter pacified… briefly. I slid down the wall, my hands cradling my pounding head.

A few quiet, thoughtful moments passed. I watched the shuffle of white shoes, sensing pity, but not judgment, not there.

"What can I do, Bella? Tell me."

"Nothing. Nothing!" I regretted it, before I spoke it.

"Don't, Bella…" He broke.

"You should go, Edward."

"Go where? Into the fucking party or where, Bella? Goddammit, tell me…" He demanded.

"I'm trying to protect you. It's too hard," I whispered.

"Shit, Bella. When _hasn't_ it been hard? I fucking love you," he shouted, exasperated.

"Sam needs me whole, for once. He's having surgery soon and then starting intensive therapy. I can't just meet you in the basement for a blow job…" My ache fueled my anger.

We exhaled… together, seeking composure, waiting to wake from the nightmare.

"So, this is it?" He forced, barely.

"I love you. Edward…"

_He interrupted and suddenly, I was the only one there__… _

**a/n**

**Thank you very much for reading. This brief exploration into the Bella's actions and reactions was quite cathartic. **

**jaimearkin and Renas40 thank you for giving my days meaning. xo **

**Please check out the beautiful video that Melg0510 created for this story on my profile page. Thank you my talented friend. **

**Chapter 6, Man of the Hour will post in a few days. Hope to see you then. **

**Please keep in touch, I love reading your thoughts. Talk soon. **


	8. Chapter 6 Man of the Hour

**Chapter 6, _Man of the Hour_**

"Hey Cullen… cocky usually equates reckless. You'd be wise to keep that in mind." The voice of competition penetrated the corridor.

"Thanks Alec, I'll keep that in mind. Just selling our wares on a Monday morning, that's all," I replied, shining a confident smile.

Jasper and I pushed on with swagger, his innate, mine intentional. "That guy's such an asshole." Jasper confirmed.

"Alec Brady's had it out for me since I left Mallory Partners and married Lauren." I had been cocky showcasing our design, I had license to be. Peter all but shouted we'd be offered the multi-million dollar contract from his crony Aro. I wasn't born into it, I didn't crave it. But, when I married Lauren, the golden ticket was mine. The irony was disgusting at best.

Jasper was blind to the reality of my confidence. I was his mentor, his friend, soon his brother in law. He depended on my knowledge, my creativity, and my connections.

"Hey, do you know a guy named Embry Young over at Green Dawn?" I asked as we made our way to the parking lot of Randall Land Development.

"Who?" Jasper questioned the name also.

"He'd been trying to get a hold of me when I was in Washington. But when I returned the call, the receptionist said he no longer worked there. He mentioned the North End deal specifically," I explained as we loaded the trunk of my car.

"Yeah, but why would he be calling you? We don't even have the contract yet?" He chuckled suspiciously.

I shrugged, slightly uncomfortable.

"Mr. Cullen, Mr. Whitlock… boys, hold up there." The elusive Aro Randall himself was walking towards us from his luxury SUV. He mixed a designer smirk with a furrowed brow, not an easy look to complete. Before that morning, the last time I'd seen Randall was at my wedding, with his nephew Alec Brady.

"Hell of a presentation. Listen, my girl Heidi will be callin' you soon… set up some dinner, throw some paperwork on the table. Gotta let it ride out a day or two, let the other firms think I'm considerin'." He ran his hand through his thick white hair, large monogrammed gold ring glinting in the sun. "But, I'd say you boys gotta reason to celebrate tonight." And with that he winked a murky blue eye and turned from us.

"Holy shit… we fucking got it?" Jasper mouthed in shock and elation.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Was she too tired or…" I wanted to know why my sister didn't meet us for a drink.

"Headache." Jasper offered as he stood to retrieve the second round.

The band played blues, the room was small. It was my favorite, no one else's. It reminded me of a place we'd go to in Washington on weeknights. Nostalgia weighed heavy. I sent a few text messages, waiting for the next bottle.

"Hey, Mr. Cullen."

"Maria… I didn't know you came here?" I asked, truly surprised.

"I don't. First time. Jasper told me ya'll were buyin' me a drink tonight to celebrate the big deal." Maria said leaning in so I could hear her soft southern drawl.

"Yeah… sure, of course. You spent as much time drafting the bid designs as we did." I gestured for her to join us.

Jasper returned with enough brew for all and an obvious admiration for the white, low cut top worn by our newly hired graphic designer. I shifted towards him, protectively. Maria was young, eager, intelligent, attractive… noticeably so. Forcing the conversation to work, I schooled them in the probable contract contents and billable project hours.

My phone vibrated, I replied with confirmed promise of our usual… _11:10 p.m._

Suddenly, the warmth within waned. When Lauren entered rooms, people stared. They recognized, they admired, they wanted an invitation. There was a day, when I needed distraction, that I allowed it to square my shoulders. But, it soon annoyed me... I tired of the attention and misplaced pride. She tightened the belt of her pink coat in obvious distaste for the venue and approached the table. Leaning in for an obligatory married greeting, we quickly pecked neither skin nor lips, just air.

"How'd you find us?" My question was layered, cold, a small place regretted it.

Embarrassed, Lauren reactively tensed and pasted on her award winning smile. "Alice… Alice told me ya'll were here." She looked towards Maria offering a manicured hand shake. "I don't think we've met. I'm Lauren Mallory… Cullen." The addendum depended on the threat. As Maria timidly reciprocated, I moved my satchel from the only available chair.

"I've been looking for a bag like that, Mr. Cullen. Do you remember where you bought that?" Maria asked genuinely as I held it in my lap to make room for my wife.

"This… oh, it was a gift, actually. I'm not sure where she… they got it."

"_Mike, slow down… I'm sure she's fine. Tell me what the woman said." I held the phone with a slight tremble. _

"_She said she was from a respite care company, that Mrs. Uley left early this morning and the patient's brother was arriving tomorrow," Mike explained, worried. _

"_She probably just needed some time to herself. You told me over Thanksgiving she looked exhausted, right?" I tried reassuring both of us while the doorbell rang downstairs. _

"_I know, but it's not like her to disappear. She tells me everything." It was true and in turn, Mike told me… everything…_

_I continued as I went downstairs. "Listen, I've got movers coming tomorrow, then I have to pack up Lauren's place while she's out of town. Call me if…" I opened the front door. Bella. I stared, she stared. Bella. I hadn't seen her physically for over a year. Our longest absence ever._

"_She's here." _

"_What? I knew it. Okay… Okay. Just, Edward… promise me…"_

"_Yeah… I promise." I hung up and exhaled. _

"_What are you doing? Are you…" I stumbled, taking her in. _

_She smiled, breathed and took mine away. "I was in the neighborhood… sort of." _

"_How long did you work on that?" We laughed together. _

"_Since I boarded at O'Hare. Can I come in, Edward?" Crashing into the then and there, I pulled her inside gently. Touching her, affirming the sweetest reality. _

"_Are you alright? That was Mike, he's a mess." _

"_I'm fine. I didn't get a wedding invitation, so I thought I'd come see why," she teased with a raised brow. She held a large, canvas tote bag over her arm at the elbow and I hoped it held more than a day's worth. My heart raced._

"_Come to the kitchen, I'll get you something to drink." I took the bag from her as she left her favorite tall boots by the door. She surveyed the boxes, wrap, and paper, while making her way to a black painted barstool. "Sorry about the mess. The moving company is due here tomorrow." I poured a glass of white wine, requiring concentration. _

_She laid her small, smooth hand over mine, around the bottle. Our eyes met, sealing my fate. I reached out, running the back of my hand down her flushed cheek. _

_We shared a knowing smile and ever so slowly sank to that place that owned us both. "You cut your hair, it's nice." _

_She beamed. "Thank you, you cut yours too. You look… older." I laughed playfully widening my eyes. We sat sipping, soothing the familiar ache building between us. _

"_So, Angela mentioned you had a contract on the house." I attempted diversion, not so steady in the moment. _

_Her eyes searched the granite under our glasses while her fingers ran tentatively over mine. "I'm moving Sam back to Forks…. I need people. I need help, Edward." I turned her face towards mine; I didn't like the shame in her voice. _

"_It's good. Your families are there, it's a good decision," I said quietly, now rubbing her back. _

"_Jake has his license now. He wants to facilitate Sam's therapy. He's dating a really sweet woman, Jane. She teaches kindergarten in Port Angeles." _

_She released slightly, leaning closer. _

"_I'm resentful some days… I hate it, but I am. I want to go to the library for more than an hour and a half… you know? I want to visit Rose and the twins in Miami. It's just…" She ran her hands through her layered hair, and then finished her wine with a deep swallow. _

"_I'm selfish. I am… my dad always told me I was ungrateful." Bastard._

"_Bella, stop. You've been through a trauma. What you've done for Sam is…" Her fingers covered my mouth. _

"_I didn't come here for that. I don't want that. I'm sorry."_

"_Why did you come, baby?" Her breath hitched, undoubtedly from the term of endearment. I reserved it for her, only, always. _

_She made her way to the sink to rinse her glass. I moved in behind her, finally understanding. When she turned in my arms her eyes were layered with sorrow and… lust. Her hands reached for the knot at the left of her waist. Her dark wool dress fell open revealing black lace bra and panties. She feathered her fingers over her collarbone, across her chest, to her shoulders and pushed the dress off completely. _

"_Edward, touch me… I need to feel," she whispered. _

_Her panties, then bra fell at our feet. I used my thumb to release her bottom lip from biting teeth, caressing her lip as her tongue peeked out tasting, remembering. Her dark eyes fluttered closed at the contact. Holding her beautiful face between my hands, I tilted her head towards mine. _

"_Open your eyes, Bella. I'm here." _

_Her stare was pleading. I searched for my own confliction, desperately. We'd already hurt Sam… I would be someone's husband in a few short weeks. This would be the beginning of the end I reasoned, battling… myself. _

_My mouth was on hers, tongues tangling, tempting. I caressed her swells, teasing, pinching. Her lean, tantalizing frame trapped between my hard length and the wall. Withering in need… She slid her hands between us feverishly working my belt and buttons. My head dizzied as her warm, soft hand wrapped around my throbbing cock. One leg lifted around my waist pulling me in where I belonged. _

_I pushed in… so tight, wet, hot. We gasped. I held her steady, pressing my chest against hers, arms over head, fingers laced… scratching stucco for leverage. _

_Two heels then digging into my ass, while she met my every thrust. Moaning, staring, breathing… Being surrounded by her heat was indescribable, an erotic truth uncovering the lie. "Edward, I… oh… baby, yes," she panted as she came. My own climax pulsed. I poured into her, burying my face in her neck with a dusting of reverent kisses. _

_She rubbed patterns through my hair in time with the circling of her hips while our breathing slowed. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

_Reaching across me to the box on my nightstand, then cozying back into the pillows, she held two black frames. "Is this from that trip to Puget Sound?" _

"_Yep. You took it, I think or did Eric?" We studied the black and white photograph. _

"_I took it… with the camera my mom gave me for Christmas," she was lost… in some memory. "Remember how sick you were that week. You had the worst flu, poor baby." She patted my chest; I led her hand to my mouth. _

"_And you took care of me at the hotel. Always taking care…" I brushed silky dark hair from her face, searching her expression. _

_She dropped the reminder to the side and focused on the other photo. She sat up, looking. Her thumb running over my image, her eyes running over the other. Slowly a tiny smirk forced the corners of her mouth. "Are those real?" _

"_What?" I fought a chuckle. _

"_I think those might be bigger than Rosalie's. Shit." She met my eyes, widening hers in mock horror. _

"_Shut up." I teased, tickled and enjoyed while she straddled me. _

"_So, New Year's Eve… swanky hotel ballroom?" She knew, I knew. We forged through the inevitable. _

"_Yeah…" The ceremony was Lauren's. And my friends had a myriad of regrets and excuses, some plausible, most not. _

_She bit her lip feeling my erection on her ass. _

_Covering my chest, she kissed heated skin, lingered with swollen lips, hot tongue. Naked and uninhibited our mood morphed. Rainy day fucking… Bella labeled it long ago. _

_Natural, between friends, lovers… it's how we discovered. We talked, laughed, loved and fucked through college and beyond. _

_She brought my fingers to her mouth, wetting a trail down over perfect, hardened nipples down her taut stomach, to her core. _

"_So beautiful," I mouthed. _

_My cock slid inside her, filling, stretching… I groaned through parted lips. "Feel, baby…" I sat up, melting together. Her breaths were mine, foreheads resting, hips slow dancing. I held, supported, soothed… whispering my worship. She tightened within, rising and falling, pumping and riding. This moment was ours. _

_Warm in my plaid shirt, but bare beneath. She returned from the bathroom and sat next to me, grabbing the photo again. "You'll have such pretty babies." _

"_Bella, don't." She shook her head at nothing, fighting the stir of fate. _

"_Hey, I brought you something. I'll be right back." She kissed and ran, her gorgeous ass peeking from beneath my shirt as she moved. _

"_Here…" She smiled and my heart hurt. _

_I ripped the shiny white embossed paper, resembling wedding wrap, a torturous joke. The box held a new camel colored leather satchel. I inhaled the unique smell and grinned. _

"_This is perfect, thank you. I misplaced my last one, craziest thing. I think one of my lovers stole it." _

"_I can't imagine what intelligent, sexy, stylish woman would do such a thing." She dove into me loving, laughing. _

"_Listen to you… listen…" _

_We slept, had sex, whispered and caressed. Her canvas tote bag returned to the crook of her arm and the sorrow returned to the depth of our souls. She opened the front door; the movers had arrived, burly and eager. "Give me a second, guys." I waved them off. _

_Tears spilled and a shiver settled. I pressed my cheek into her palm, watching the sadness flow. "Be good to each other. 'Cause you're the… best." Her voice fell. The thickest tear balanced on her lip as we forgave quietly. _

"_Say it," I breathed. _

_She shook, I forced. She was against the door. _

"_Say it, Bella… please. Fucking say it." _

"_No… no, no!" She heaved and thrashed her escape. "Don't you dare do that to me," she shouted. _

"_Biggest regret of my life," I yelled and fisted my hair. _

"_You fucking encouraged me, Edward. Remember? You were happy for me." She was venomous, furious. Gesturing to herself, then me, raging. "You wouldn't say it either! I begged you…"_

_I slammed into her. Covering her beautiful mouth with the passion that surged only for her, her tiny hands full of my black t-shirt. We gasped, pushing, pulling, barely surviving. _

_She wiped her face; I'd seen it before… slow moving snap shots in my mind. Lingering fingers, quivering chin, a silent good bye… over, again. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Edward, I'm ready to get some dinner," Lauren hinted, squeezing my knee. I stood and gestured for her to lead. We said good bye to Jasper and Maria and I followed my wife out. We decided to go to her favorite tapas restaurant down the street, separately. She found her keys and suddenly pressed herself against me, fingernails digging mercilessly in the back of my neck. Lined, glossed lips on mine, stinging. Persistent, urgent, and intense… unfamiliar and disturbing. Her tongue licked at my lower lip. I rested my hands on her shoulders, retreating. "What's this all about?" Nervous chuckling preceded fervent mouth wiping.

Smiling at my assumed distaste for the lipstick, she touched her own then reached for my hand. "I have an appointment with Dr. Jenks on Friday."

I leaned back onto the white body of her expensive sedan, rubbing my face.

"I'm ready to have a baby, Edward. I stopped taking the pill two months ago."

"Lauren…"

"We've talked about this and you know Irina said a baby would be good for us." She moved in, resting her hand on my chest.

"Irina?" I tensed, stepping from the trap. "That lady is a… She dictates when we fuck."

She stared down at her designer shoes, breathing deep. The most complex reaction I'd ever witnessed from my wife.

"We've been in therapy for six months, we aren't ready… we can't have a baby. And I'm not having this conversation here." I opened her car door for her.

"Well, we don't talk at home… anymore." She fought back.

"So you're going to ambush me in the parking lot of a bar?"

"Edward, you promised me." She ducked into her car, starting it.

"I've lost my appetite," I said quietly.

"Fine." She slammed her door. _Two months… fucking senseless, no more._

Making my way to my own car, I ran my fingers roughly down the leather strap over my shoulder as I suddenly heard voices through the darkness. Flirtatious, familiar conversation, stopping me cold…

**a/n**

**Thank you for reading xo **

**Big hugs to my pre-reader Renas40 and my beta jaimearkin for their gracious, unconditional support. **

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	9. Chapter 7 The Long Way Home

**Chapter 7, The Long Way Home**

"Coming. Shit, relax." I smirked at my sister's foul agitation, while leaning on a freshly sanded door frame.

"I've been knocking for thirty minutes." I intentionally egged to keep it light. Alice's blue t-shirt hung too wide over worn black yoga pants.

"You were not, shut up. I fell asleep. What are you doing here?" She hugged only herself.

"How are you, kiddo? Jasper said you had a headache." I kissed the top of her mussed dyed ponytail. Pushing passed her, I wouldn't allow retreat.

"I'm okay."

"Yeah?" I studied her then fell back into the slip covered couch. Searching an almost empty pack of cigarettes on the coffee table, my nerves tempted.

"Jasper's still at the office?" Alice asked yawning, sitting down on the couch also, but defensive in distance.

"When did you talk to him last?" I surveyed the room, bare and incomplete.

"I don't know. What time is it now?" She picked up her phone from the table. "Oh, yeah Bella called Friday. I let it go to voice mail."

"Why?" I edged closer.

She shrugged small shoulders. "Not in the mood. And I know you probably told her to call me." Her arms resumed position, hiding and protecting.

"She cares about you, very much." Familiar tears in lost green eyes told me what I needed to know. "Are you taking your meds?" I reached for her arm.

The damp green eyes darted, avoided.

"Hey… listen to me. You can't skip days, Dad's told you that." She stood quickly, deciding to fight with the only weapon available.

"Lauren said she talked to Mom yesterday. Mom was pissed that you didn't go to the house while you were in Forks."

"Jesus Christ. I was there for a funeral. Mom told her that?"

"They talk a lot, Edward."

"_Aren't ya'll changin'?" Lauren asked as I walked into my parent's kitchen. My mother and my wife stared at me as I shifted an ice cooler from my path to the liquor cabinet. _

"_No," I said emphatically, setting a shot glass on the counter with punctuation. _

"_I packed your new khaki's." Lauren spilled from the top of her red sundress, rocking her leg back and forth, authoritatively. This space was typically my mother's stage, but she graciously passed the microphone to her new daughter -in- law. _

_My mother's public and private affection for Lauren bordered on obsessive. _

_Passionately sharing pageant secrets and lies, they giggled, competed and judged. Better than the rest. _

_My remedy went down smooth and necessary while I focused on gnarled tree limbs through the glass, late spring buds littered across its skin. _

"_Edward…" Wide suggestive eyes met mine at the window. _

"_Lauren, it's just a barbeque."_

"_But it's also a pre-wedding party. And you said the Mayor was coming." She was reserved doling out her childish reprimand, so poised. _

"_It's the former Mayor, Victoria's father. She's right though, Edward. We're hosting this for James and Victoria; it would be nice if…" My mom chimed in only to be interrupted by my dad rushing through the kitchen._

"_Edward, help me with the garage. Bella just arrived with Sam. It'll be easier to bring his chair to the patio through there." _

_Beauty and strength… hers was effortless. No pretensions, she just was. Bella smiled while helping her helpless husband. No one else could see the smile I saw, it was for me. My stomach set on a collision course experiencing Sam in real time. It was more emotional than I'd expected and much more important than I'd wanted. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"_So, you're a weather girl?" Tyler asked, completely serious, unintentionally entertaining. The reunion was marred, slighted. Our bond suddenly complicated, muddied by life's path. Spouses, injury, distance were now intruders in our private party. _

_Lauren habitually twisted the diamond in her left ear. "Well, for now. Yes, I am the weather person. But I'm next in line for the anchor chair." _

_Numb to my new duties, I drifted, distracted by Bella. When the breeze blew a tendril of hair I stared, when the beaded tie on her blouse fell across her breast I stared, when she wiped her hand over her denim covered thigh I stared. I was lost in a place that I didn't belong. _

"_What's the latest with the documentary?" Victoria asked breaking my reverie. I sat forward discreetly situating the evidence of my distraction. _

"_What's this?" I wondered quietly. _

"_Oh, the Sports Network wants to do follow up piece on Sam. Airing in the fall at the start of the season," Bella answered softly, uncharacteristically shy. _

"_I have a sorority sister that works PR at that Atlanta affiliate," Lauren interjected, shamelessly redirecting the attention. _

"_Are you doing it?" Mike asked while collecting plates from the table. _

"_Up… to Bella," Sam said, his eyes searching for hers. She reached up, laying a reassuring hand near the base of his neck. _

"_We told them we would if they focused on the foundation." _

_Lauren stood and moved in front of Sam's wheelchair. Bella visibly straightened, her expression bordered on comical as my wife's breasts begged for Sam's attention. _

"_My Daddy's a huge football booster. He remembers ya'll winnin' the Heisman," she shouted, pushing away loose platinum hair. "Oh and our sports guy at the station has ya'll's autograph… I mean… from before. So this is a real honor." She beamed satisfied; she'd done her charitable deed. _

"_You don't have to yell. There's nothing wrong with his hearing," Bella said with equal volume. Biting her lip after realizing her tone, she looked at me apologetically. _

_Sam smiled, noticeably uncomfortable from the focus. He remained the humble, introspective soul everyone respected and admired. _

"_The producer… he's in… Atlanta too," Sam struggled to add. I shifted, warming at the fleeting thought of the next time I might see Bella. _

"_Oh gosh, if ya'll come to town, we can make supper one night. We just bought a new dining room table, I'm dying to entertain. Edward hates it." Everyone stared at Lauren, amused. James reminded all of the pathetic excuse for a table I brought to the house on Coven Street from the flea market tied to the roof of my VW. _

_Bella whispered something to her husband, palming his cheek with her hand. She stood with an arched brow, dusting off her jeans in an almost sparring gesture and stalked suggestively towards the house. My cue. Mike quickly took the place next to Sam and the conversation easily flowed to Angela and Eric working in Spain through the summer. _

_Lauren, bored with talk she didn't know of, moved to my mother's lair. She shined amongst the clique of small town has-beens. Basking in gossip, choosing new prey, they cackled and carried on. _

_I allowed a few moments to pass for suspicion, ran a hand through my hair and headed inside. _

_She leaned against a built in bookcase in the study. Her blouse was colorful, but lightly transparent, cream lace teasing me beneath; faded jeans hugging her ass in my favorite way. She felt me._

"_Hi."_

"_Hey." _

_We absorbed and breathed. _

"_This isn't as much fun as I thought it would be." She wrinkled her nose, that sweet way. "Sam likes to get out though. He misses everyone."_

"_I can understand that. I do too." Weighted, knowing moments passed while we appreciated being near. _

_I reached out; feathering fingers over her smooth forehead then gently twisted a loose strand of dark hair. _

"_What's up with the hair-do?" We exhaled into light laughter. Our connection, our bliss, we were best friends, always. _

"_Oh… shit. I know." She rolled her eyes while running her hands over the braids surrounding her gorgeous, natural face. "I was with my mom earlier… She was sober." Gesturing with fingers in mock celebration she continued, "Talking, really talking, no yelling, no crying. She was playing with my hair. I didn't have time to take it out… or the heart to." _

"_You look beautiful." Our quiet moment preserved undoubtedly by Lauren's second act performance just beyond the glass door. _

"_My mom wants to leave. I'll help her, but who knows if she really will this time." She looked over my shoulder, "Anyway… so Lauren. She's…" _

"_Yeah." I smirked. _

"_How'd we get here, Edward?" She whispered._

_The door opened with a gust, my mother spoke in spite. "Isabella, Sam needs you. He's ready to go home… now." _

_Wanting to help, needing to help, I trailed behind them to the van. Bella stopped Sam at the side door and dug through her leather bag. "Oh shit, I need to give these keys to Mike. He's meeting Rose and Em at Hale House when they get in tonight. Hold on," she said to me. _

"_I'll be right back," she said to Sam and hurried back up the driveway. _

"_How's therapy?" _

"_Going well. Jake's… great. I'm proud… of him." He swallowed hard. "It's good to… be with family." _

_I smiled my response, breathing in the cool evening wind. _

"_Bella's happier. She… didn't have many… friends in… Chicago. Edward…" He paused, pursing his lips. I was anxious with his struggle. Moving closer to him so he wouldn't strain, I crouched next to his chair. "Bella had… a mis…carriage… in February. This February." Our eyes met, my knees weakened then buckled. I reactively gripped the handle of his chair for support. _

"_It was early… I couldn't… help her. She didn't know… for long." No one held her. _

_Nausea settled; I rubbed a rough, punishing hand over my face. _

"_I begged… she told me. She was so… sad, crying a lot. For you… I knew. I told her to go… to you. She wouldn't. You just… got married." His mouth frowned, his head rolled. "You know… I've got so much… time… to sit… to think. It's a…fucking curse, man." _

_I reached, placing a trembling hand on his shoulder. Realizing through my selfish haze he couldn't feel my gesture, I slid it closer to his neck. He forced his head towards me. _

"_I'm sorry." He didn't need my consolation, he'd always had that. _

"_I know why… she stays. I hate … her sometimes… for that. She… deserves better. But other times, I think… I feel…I'll take her anyway… I can have her. She's…"_

"_Sorry about that," Bella yelled out, slightly breathless, smiling as she came back down the drive. Her innocence in that moment ruined me. I'd stolen all her very firsts and left her with nothing. _

_I stepped out of the way while Bella began to load her husband into their modified van. I hovered trying to do something, anything. _

"_I can do it." Bella was quick with her patented and rote statement. _

"_Yeah, she thinks… she's building muscle… Edward. She keeps threatening… to arm wrestle me… someday." Sam laughed bravely, Bella rolled her eyes playfully, and I shattered. _

_As the door motored closed, sheltered with a tinted window, she searched my expression. _

"_So, I guess I'll see you at the altar." She grinned, teasing and shrugging. "The rehearsal, tomorrow..." _

_Her brow tensed, concerned. "You okay?" She mouthed and laid a hand on my chest. It was tender with healing intent. But that was my job and I'd failed her, again. _

_I mustered a smirk and a slight nod of my spinning head. _

_I brought her hand to my mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. She ran her thumb in a sweet, slow pass over my nose and cheek. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

I was alone, wrapped in my own weary arms. My sister was no where, the television flickered in my peripheral vision. My head pounded and my shoulder shook… Jasper was waking me.

I righted myself, forcing into the present. My blood pumped, rage swelling. I moved towards the door, sensing him behind me. Turning suddenly, I pinned him with my forearm against the wall. His eyes widened and darkened.

"Don't you ever fucking lie to my sister again," I breathed.

He pushed me off with a neck roll and a scoff. "That's rich coming from you, Edward."

I lunged at him once more for my own ego measure then flung the door wide.

"Tomorrow." I threatened with a finger in his face.

Three missed calls from Lauren, nothing from Bella. _Fuck._ I drove erratically and illegally from their Virginia Highlands neighborhood to mine in Buckhead. I was hollow. I needed Bella, I needed us.

"Where have you been?" Dressed in a pink lace, nails tapping against the black shell of the phone, my wife seethed.

"With Alice. She was alone… lonely. Why are you still up?" I steeled for the storm.

"Watching tonight's recording. I just…" She paused, licking her lips as part of the production. "Do you have any idea how it looks… driving up in the middle of the night."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I waved her off and started up the stairs.

"Hey! Don't turn your back on me!"

I stilled and retreated down two steps. "What's the point, Lauren? You know this isn't happening."

"What is it? The company? The contract?" She moved to meet me, pressing seductively, desperately. "Daddy promised he'd take care of that. Relax." She pushed her hands into my hair.

"What are you doing? Lauren stop!" I abruptly pushed her arms down.

Her anger contrasted her wish.

"Lauren, I can't do this anymore. I'm leav…"

Her cold palm met the warm flesh of my face as my phone vibrated. She forced it furiously from my pocket and I welcomed the sequence of events with an unfamiliar calm.

**a/n **

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	10. Chapter 8 Carnival Town

**Chapter 8, Carnival Town**

"Who is she?" Steadied against the base of the bath tub, she watched, useless as I soaked the scent of perfume and broken glass from the tile floor.

"Doesn't matter."

Lauren gracefully moved to stand in front of the mirror, brushing her short hair thoughtfully.

"Is she younger than me?" She leaned in, running a hand along her jaw, down her throat.

"No."

"I've already told people we're trying to have a baby." She spoke softly to the icy image staring back at her. "Is she married?"

"No." I wiped my mouth against my shirt, the intense smell and situation nauseating me.

"Does she live close?" She whispered now making sweeping strokes under her eyes.

"No." Dumping remains of the expensive perfume, I stood to face her. "We don't need to do this."

"I want to know who's better… who's prettier… to _my_ _husband_." She pulled her lips together tightly. "I'm gonna make an appointment with Irina in the morning. And Pastor Billy. No one else has to know. Daddy would never forgive ya'll, anyway." She ventured into a solo vortex of denial, retreating to our bed.

"Lauren, you don't understand. Those people can't help… it's over." Moving to stand by the bed, I offered a sympathetic touch to her bare arm, she flinched.

"No, it'll be alright. It will. And ya'll will get over her, whoever she is. It's just sex. This happens all the time." She stared, spoke to no one.

"Lauren…"

"Please… I'm tired." She turned away from me, pressing her face into the pillow.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"_Does Sam's agent always look at you like that?" Bella laughed lightly and laid her head back against the leather seat of my new Infiniti.  
_

"_Laurent's harmless. Please… you should see how he used to look at Sam. Dollar signs… He was really helpful with this follow up piece. That producer was an asshole. And hey… you lost jealousy privileges a long time ago." She rolled her eyes, teasing.  
_

_We stared into the blinding headlights of Atlanta traffic headed towards the hotel. _

"_I loved the Thai restaurant. Thank you for choosing it, and treating everyone." She ran her hand down the base of my neck. I reactively leaned forward, surprising us both. "Sorry," she whispered.  
_

_Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, I asked, "Do you think Jake's back yet or…"  
_

"_I doubt it, he and Laurent were going to watch the baseball game." She rolled the trim of her black sundress between her fingers. "Do you want to come up to the room for a bit?"  
_

"_I probably shouldn't." I watched her, gauging and regretting. Passive aggressive was never our game, that level was low. Pulling into the basement of hotel parking garage, my confliction intensified. Bella ran her hands through her hair pulling it into a loose knot, her edge peaked… that I recognized.  
_

"_Shit, I don't know how you stand this heat." I parked in the dimly lit far end, desolate on a Tuesday night.  
_

"_You shouldn't visit in the hottest month of the year." I smiled and began rolling up the sleeves of my dress shirt.  
_

"_This wasn't a visit, this was business, Sam's business. But I'd like to… visit. I miss you, Edward."  
_

_I reached to tuck a hair behind her ear; she leaned into my hand and closed her eyes. _

"_Are you good?" I asked.  
_

"_What?" She exhaled into a nervous giggle. "Sure, are you?" I wanted her to tell me about the baby, I wanted to comfort, hurt together.  
_

"_Yeah, I'm okay," I lied. A few months passing couldn't soothe that loss.  
_

"_You could call sometime… I'm tired of prying info from your dad." She grinned, giggling in jest. "He mentioned Jasper and Alice are moving down here soon."  
_

"_Yeah… I helped him get a job at Mallory Partners and I'm hoping some new scenery will be good for her."  
_

"_Being near you will be good for her." The statement was weighted, we both knew it. She suddenly leaned across the console, laying a soft hand on my thigh, her fingers slowly smoothing over my slacks. When she grazed near my length, I stilled her persistent hand. _

"_Bella… Slow down, let's talk… first." _

_Her hot mouth dusted over my neck, she pulled at the collar of my shirt for more access, unbuttoning… so urgent. Wet kisses grazing along my jaw, she was testing and taunting. She moved to straddle me, pulling my head even with hers. Grinding against my erection, she plunged her tongue into my mouth, moaning desperately. Tugging my hair to angle my head, she continued tasting my heated skin trailing down to my chest. Her hands worked between us, unbuckling, unzipping. I pushed her dress easily up her creamy, damp thighs, while she quivered in need. Releasing and stroking my cock, she licked her lips as we stared. I slid my fingers over her panties, then pushed them to the side. Guiding me where I belonged she whispered her plea, "I need you, baby." _

_She sank down while I thrust up, finding our connection, feeding the crave. I pulled her thin dress straps down, her nipples exposed. My fingers tugging and rolling, Bella tipped, fading into ecstasy. One palm pressed, sliding over fogged window glass, the other gripping my shoulder for leverage as she lifted and fell, harder each time. We set an erotic, frenzied pace healing a passion that had eluded us for months. "So good…"  
__  
We burned, life outside evaporated, until I felt the tightening within. Reality plowed through my senses as Bella continued to fuck me. "Baby, I'm going to come…"_

"_Mmmm…" Her eyes closed, lost in our lust. _

_I forced my grip on her waist; she looked at me, reactively biting her lip. "Baby, stop… we have to stop," I whispered and lifted her off of me. _

"_What… no, why?" She heaved, confused. Only erratic breathing breached the space between our glistening bodies... our clothing twisted, wet. "Edward, what's wrong?" _

_I buried my hands in her hair, gripping the back of her neck. "I don't want to hurt you, again." Her dark eyes widened, depths beyond my knowledge. She wouldn't know that I knew. Tears teetered as she pulled at her short, black dress and drew back into her seat, defeated. I tucked and buckled, my heart rate slowing. Deafening silence consumed us for an eternity. _

"_You make love to your beautiful wife, in your beautiful home, in your beautiful life… You know what I do, Edward?" She whispered away from me. "I lay in the guest room, in the dark… touching myself, thinking about you… remembering you... missing you" Her tears fell, her words penetrated. _

"_My life is not beautiful, Bella." I said quietly, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. _

"_Do you love her?" She faced me, eyes seeking truth. _

"_No." I exhaled deeply. _

"_Then why? Why are we here, fucking in your car, hiding from the world?" _

_I hesitated, measuring my words. "You were gone, you couldn't leave Sam… she was there, she wasn't you. The furthest from you… I never had to compare." _

_Bella shook her head side to side, wincing. "You used her. You're using her. Jesus Christ, we've hurt so many people…" _

"_Maybe I did, maybe I am… she doesn't care."_

"_How can you say that?" _

"_Bella, she wanted someone next to her, to complete her picture…" _

"_But she gets you at the end of the day… she gets you." _

"_Now you know how I felt." The words left my lips too fast, punishing her. She breathed through clenched teeth. _

"_I deserved that… but the rest of this is bullshit, it's dirty. I fucking love you," she shouted. Hastily grabbing her purse off the floor of the car, she swung the door open and got out. I followed as she hurried towards the elevator, her heeled sandals echoing through the empty structure. _

"_Bella, wait. Baby, please," I begged. She turned away from me pressing her forehead into the cold cement. Mascara settled dark beneath her eyes, thick with sweat and tears. She rolled her head, biting her lip, fighting the force that was… us._

_I leaned into her, pressing an arm over her head and another around across her chest. "Shhh… Listen to me, baby, I'm here," I whispered into her hair. She reluctantly turned in my arms, matching emotion and gaze. Hushed moments of confusion and concern passed. I ran my nose along hers, tentatively brushing my lips against hers. _

"_I'll take whatever you'll give me… anything, Edward. Anything. I don't care. It's better than nothing at all," she breathed against my mouth. I pulled her top lip between mine tenderly. _

"_We'll figure it out, we will. I love you, Bella, always." Falling into a passionate kiss with intent and purpose, we sealed our deal. _

The hum of the treadmill signaled my safe morning departure. I left with a duffle, enough for a few days. My belongings… my very being felt different, was different. Weary in my path, yet confident in my decision, I sat waiting for the next hurdle. Jasper avoided my eyes, avoided my voice. With my pride hovering somewhere between yesterday and today, I broke first.

"I'm sorry, man. Sorry to… get physical like that in your home. I regret it, I'm sorry." I stood next to his desk, apologetic in words and stance. He glanced at me, red colored pencil gripped tightly between fingers.

"It's fine." He spoke quietly just as Maria swayed through the door. My reaction was swift, necessary.

"Maria, we need a few minutes here. Thanks." I grinned, nodded reassuringly as she retreated. I turned back towards Jasper, who remained brooding and fuming.

"You're her boss. This is not okay."

"Edward, fuck off." His words shocked, stunned me. I instinctively backed a few steps from his desk to compose.

"It's not what you think. We just talk. Maria listens to me, she fucking hears me. She thinks I'm… something. We talk about music and food, work. I'm from somewhere she's not." Jasper stared at the blueprints on his desk, lost in his explanation. "Alice is a fucking mess. She sleeps all the time. When she's not sleeping or working… she's crying."

My heart sank, I'd failed someone else.

"She's not even in school right now."

"What?" That was news to me.

"She spent the tuition money on clothes, Edward. As soon as you moved over the money, it was gone. Our cards are maxed out, it's ridiculous." His volume rose. "We could lose our fucking house…" _Holy shit. _

"No… no you won't. I won't let that happen." I ran my hand through my hair, shaking my head in disbelief flowing beyond the room.

"Oh really? How's that? Gonna give us a loan from the bottomless Mallory money pot?" He mocked. "Fuck that. Edward, you know I had to come up with my own capital to partner this shit. You took the principal position, you've got the backing. I'm sinking fast… and your sis…"

"This isn't her fault. She can't help herself. You fucking knew that, before you proposed."

"Propose… the indefinite wedding date. Edward, she's too far gone this time. And honestly, if this deal with Randall Land falls through, I don't think… we'll make it." He finally stood, moving in front of me, squinting in disgust. "When did you get so pious anyway… huh? You're no better, you and Bella…" _Fucking prick. _Nothing was recognizable, even Jasper's voice.

I moved towards the window, forcing some distance, my rage boiling. "I'm leaving Lauren, finally."

The door suddenly opened behind me, I expected to hear Maria's small voice, instead I heard Peter's.

**a/n**

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	11. Chapter 9 The Day is Done

_**From Bella**_

"You didn't have to do that, babe." Sam moved through my bedroom doorway furiously rubbing his dark, wet hair with a thick bath towel. I laid the last of his folded clothes into his duffle bag. "Are you trying to get rid of me?" Tossing the towel on my dresser and playfully throwing me on the bed.

The weight of this man… covering, always welcome. But his... always different, in warmth, taste, touch. It was tender, it was slow… another.

"No, just that my dad's downstairs waiting to take you to the airport." I widened my eyes, warning off the hardness pressing against my center. Wanting lips brushed over mine, down my jaw, smiling against chilled skin, I shifted beneath. He rolled off of me, propping on a muscled arm to stare. Swollen, knotted fingers grazed down my arm, he held my hand above us, a significant stone glistened in the morning's pure light.

"Are you happy?" He asked quietly, with hopeful inflection. Searching my expression for the answer to sustain more passing time. "I swear I don't deserve you."

His love... sweet, the kind that fills the dreams of little girls. There was no fear with that sort of love. There was nothing to wonder, it was pretty and open for the world to see.

He brought my hand to his mouth, dusting the inside of my wrist with a kiss. My heart would burst with that much love, if I'd let it.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"All set?" Charlie grinned, resting his hand on the door knob. On our way down the stairs, I noticed Edward sitting forward on the couch, distant… even vacant. Offering him an arched brow indicating I was on to his apparent hangover, he smirked.

"Yeah, thanks for running me over there, Chief." Sam turned back towards me with a warm, content smile… happiness. "I'll call you when I land in Chicago. Here…" He reached to his back pocket, pulling out his wallet, folding a stack of cash into my hand. I shook my head, pushing it into his front pocket. He sighed in frustration, leaning into my ear. "You're very stubborn; will you ever let me spoil you?" I caught his cheek with my lips, ending the argument. My dad beamed over Sam's shoulder.

"Edward, good to see you, man." Sam moved past me offering a genuine handshake.

"You too… hey, congratulations." Edward rasped, never leaving the couch.

Charlie suddenly wrapped his arms around my shoulders, I reciprocated in surprise. I choked back the reactive emotion as he held me against him. Feeling a brief kiss to my temple, I squeezed tighter. "You're going to be a beautiful bride, Bella." My father said quietly.

"Dad…" He released me and moved out the door without further farewell.

Sam held my face in his hands, kissing me once, and again slowly. "I love you."

"You too."

With the door shut, I fell onto the couch next to Edward, reeling from the weekend, my father's embrace. "That was good stuff, huh?" I laid my head on his shoulder as he sipped his morning after remedy.

"Yeah…good stuff." A few silent moments passed, my body reactively melted into his. "How's your head?"

"I think I'm getting to old for this shit. I was the only grad student there." He shrugged, I laughed. We stared through the front window as leaves fell from the Sycamore tree.

"Jasper took you to a concert at Quil's on the Corner?" He nodded against the top of my head. "Oh, was the cute nursing student there?" I teased, he tensed.

"Maybe…"

"Maybe yes? Tell me." I turned taking in my favorite profile.

"She's clingy." He winced and smiled… finally.

"Clingy?" I laughed lightly, trying. "She's very cute and sweet. You need cute and sweet."

"You know what I need, do you?" He mocked.

The mood shifted and I knew the drill defensively masking the truth. I stood, void of the energy to travel down that road.

"I've got to finish some things for my clinic observation tomorrow. If you get hungry I can make paninis later… Angela left some tomatoes out that need to be eaten." The mundane, housemates, friends was our safety zone.

He grabbed my left hand, rolling it in his. His thumb forcing my new engagement ring forward and back again. "So Sam wins the girl."

I paused, deciding how far to go. "You forgot to fight for this, _this_ girl…" Stroking my thumb slowly over his, I tilted his chin with my other. "You didn't fight, I whispered. He brushed my weighted hand across his cheek and pressed his forehead to my middle. I briefly feathered through his hair, soothing then pulled away. I moved up the stairs, carrying the complicated heartache of denial.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Still awake?" Edward asked and knocked simultaneously.

"Yeah, come in." He tested with a smile then entered my lamp lit bedroom wearing sleep pants only. "I was just hanging up with my dad. Apparently my mom decided to celebrate my engagement on her own. He had to pick her up from that New Moon dive she likes so much." I rolled my eyes, Edward smirked and sighed. He'd witnessed my mom's dependency for years.

"We come from such dysfunction."

Edward sat down on the bed, mirroring me against the pillows, legs outstretched. We ended many nights that way… sharing, stressing, crying, fucking. "Where'd you go today? I thought you'd be home. I made lunch for us." I pushed on his naked shoulder playfully to lighten the mood.

"Rode the trails over at the park for bit, then went to the library. Sorry I missed lunch. Eric called said they'd be back late tonight. Did you get your prep done for tomorrow?"

He cared, always.

"I'm ready. I'm pretty excited, my first pediatric clinic."

"I bet you'll love it, you're so good with kids."

Naturally, we leaned closer, bare arms warm against the other. The silence amplified our breathing, deep and nerved. The force so intense, that tears threatened. The moment our eyes met, mine closed. The pleading in his overwhelmed me. His lips dusted over my parted mouth. Sucking my top lip slowly between his, we reactively gasped. The kiss deepened easily, tongues teasing then tangling. "Edward…" I breathed.

He feathered his fingers down my blushed cheek, to cup my face… my favorite. The bittersweet caress trailed from my neck, to the top of my camisole. "Edward, this… isn't right." His thumb grazed my breast, my puckered nipple. I couldn't ignore the burn, I relished it briefly… my body desperately reacting. "Please…"

"This doesn't feel… right?" He tempted, whispering near my ear. His sweet breath heating my skin as his fingers danced over my stomach. I pressed my forehead to his and laid my hand tenderly on top of his.

"No more, Edward. I can't, we can't anymore."

He responded with a painfully slow kiss. The ache in my chest took my breath away. "I love you. I always have." The very first time the words were heard. I shook my head in his hands while we stared.

"That's not fair," I cried quietly. Covering his lips with my fingers, a pathetic attempt to erase the words. "Go… You have to go."

**Chapter 9, The Day is Done**

"Jasper take that girl of ya'll's out there for some coffee, would ya?" Peter's tone revealed his intent. Jasper looked at me, questioning. I nodded my head and sat down at my desk seeking some semblance of position.

Peter stalked tediously around the room, his motive was intimidation. Finally settling on the black leather couch near the window, he rubbed a tanned and wrinkled hand over his belly. "Well… I always had a little something on the side. A little something at work… at the club… stress relief…" _She'd cried to Daddy_. I met him glare for glare. "Course when Laurie's momma got sick, that was different."

I shook my head, smirking through a deep exhale. "Are you finished, Peter?" He suddenly lurched at me, slapping my face with a cold, open hand then grabbed my collar.

"But this is Laurie were talkin' about… my _daughter._" I shoved him off and away.

"Get your fucking hands off me, old man. Goddammit," I shouted. He smoothed out his hair and ran his hand over his mouth. "My marriage is over. I'm done and you don't own me." After straightening my shirt, I stood to challenge.

"That's not what the bank says. I'll ruin you, boy!" He shouted, nose to nose. "You go apologize to her, love her like husband should. And keep your dick in your fucking pants around the whore. Understand?" He stilled in the doorway, angling his head in my direction. "We meet with Aro Randall tomorrow night. Nine million… set and settled. Check the e-mail." _Fucking hell_.

In a hearty sweep of rage, my desk was cleared… to the floor. I fell back in my chair, numb, defeated.

"_Nice wedding, huh? So how's it going, Cullen?"_

"_Good, Chief Swan… things are good." _

"_Yeah, hard to believe Emmett's married. I've coached those boys since they were seven years old." _

_I nodded politely to facts I knew. I grabbed a fork from the buffet and measured my escape._

"_So I've been meaning to talk to you… about Bella." He squared his shoulders and looked me in eye. "Back off. You got that? Back off. You've been messing with her head for long enough. She deserves better than that. Sam… he loves her." _

"_Thanks for letting me know." _

"_Don't get smart with me. He's going to give her a good life. He's secure, comes from a good family. Just back off. Clear?"_

"_Charlie, I don't know who the fuck you think you are." _

"_Son, don't disrespect me. I'm trying to stay calm here, considering where we are. Leave… her… alone." _

_I offered my best smartass smirk and scoff, which only fueled his spite. _

"_Oh… Edward, I've been thinking… maybe I should pay a visit to that gang of punks your baby sister hangs with. You know… behind the theatre downtown. What do you think they do back there?" He winked, strutting away popping a grape in his mouth. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"What are you doing here?" Alice threw a small towel near a sink then wiped her too thin fingers on her red apron. "My shift just ended, I'm going home."

"I want to talk for a bit." I forced a smile. "Can you make your big brother a mocha first?" I winked playfully annoying her.

Alice joined me at small table near the back of the trendy neighborhood venue. She'd partially dismantled her uniform and pulled her hair high on her head. "So what? What do you want to talk about? Didn't we cover enough last night?"

"School… "

"What about it? It's fine." Her eyes roamed the small café, looking for rescue.

"Really? Are you sure? Because Jasper mentioned you spent your tuition money elsewhere." Her eyes met mine, terrified and tired.

"I'm sorry. I just… Did you tell Dad?"

"No. Not yet. Alice you've got to pull your shit together. I'm serious. You're not fifteen. Enough," I scolded through gritted teeth. She picked incessantly at the skin below her fingernail, reddened from the routine.

"Please don't tell them. Edward, please," she begged quietly. Her eyes trailed past me. I twisted in my chair to see her male coworker gesturing. Obvious in her reaction, he was tempting and offering up the evil she fought.

"No, she's good." I waved him off with a glare and grabbed her arm for full attention.

"Are you doing that again?" She stared. "Answer me." I squeezed tighter.

"You're hurting me." I released, she recoiled. "Shit, you're acting like Mom." It was an attempt to hurt and remind. I leaned away from the table, offering space and a silent apology.

"Everything's so fucked up… I don't know what I'm doing anymore. The house is disgusting, nothing's finished. Jasper's never home. He said if you guys get that work, things will smooth out." She shivered, wiping her damp face furiously. "But, he's different. I don't know. I'm scared he might leave. And I'm _not_ going back home. I _can't _go back home." I stood up, quickly pulling her to me, she sobbed into my shoulder. It was a scene, but necessary. We both needed grounding.

"Okay, okay…" Once she calmed, we sat back down. "I want you to do something for me. Take your meds everyday. We're starting there. Can you do that?"

"Yes." She stared at the lacquered table, ashamed.

"I'm going to find someone for you to talk to. I mean it, this is it. Hey, look at me." I grazed beneath her chin. "Jasper loves you and Dad loves you. I love you and I'm here. It's going to be okay, I promise."

I drove with renewed purpose back to my office to make plans.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Situating the best I could on the couch by the window, I'd found temporary respite. My phone displayed a nameless and unfamiliar number. I ignored it, sipping a new whiskey from the bottle slow and desperate. Dialing Bella, I steadied myself with a deep exhale.

"Baby, god what happened last night… Lauren answered?"

"It's alright."

"Are you sure? I froze and hung up; I didn't know what else to do. You sound so tired."

"I'm fine. Still at the office."

"I'm at Eric's with Leah; he needed to go to the store. I think I'll try to come over here on Tuesday nights, give him a break and love on this baby."

"That's a good idea. Give her a hug. Hey, when you get home, check your email. I sent you something." The thought of her sweet, curious smile briefly soothed me.

"What? Tell me."

"I designed the garden… in Auto Cad, but I sent a pdf, so you can print it."

"Oh my god, you are such a nerd, I love you. I can't wait to see it."

"And… I booked my flight to Seattle for Mike's restaurant opening. I'm staying 'til Tuesday."

"Sounds perfect."

"So, it looks like we got the job with Randall Land."

"Ahhh, Congratulations!"

"Bella, it's a two year contract, a lot of design work. So unless something major happens, once it starts I won't be able to travel much. But, I promise when it's through, I'm all yours." _Only yours, forever. _

"I'm really proud of you." _Don't be. Don't fucking be proud of me. _The anger, fear, and exhaustion finally gave way to physical reaction.

"Hey, what is it, what's wrong?"

"It's not enough. You deserve more than this, better than this. You've been so patient. Now my sister… dammit. Everything's so fucked…" I breathed through the sting and burn.

"Edward, stop. Don't do this right now, it's too much." The fragility in her voice punished me. She was mourning her best friend… her damaged husband, aching for me… _What more was there to endure? _Leah began to cry, fussing in Bella's arms, the image only intensified my emotion. Nausea bubbled low in my gut.

"I'm working my way back to you. Do you believe me? Please tell me you believe that."

"Yes, I do." She cried, speaking softly. "I just want to be in your life." So selfless… she'd treaded in a sea of raw guilt for so long. But, I wondered now if I was more the reason than the remedy.

"I love you."

_Fuck. _Morning sun tore through the large office window shining on my heinous reality. The life's lie I'd created was real, my sister's demons were raging and Peter's threats weren't empty. Caught in a perpetual cycle of consequences, on that Wednesday morning…I had to go home. Holding onto the truth that my prize in the end for playing the game would be Bella.

**a/n**

**Thank you for reading xo **

**Edward returning to his wife isn't the most pleasant ending. I promise they will find their way soon. I so appreciate the encouragement you tweet, rec and leave for me after each chapter xo **

**jaimearkin, you write hot lemons and sweet romance. Renas40, your compassion and support knows no bounds. Love you two xo **


	12. Chapter 10 Butterflies

**Chapter 10, Butterflies**

"Hey Rose, sorry about that I was walking up to security." I returned her call, forcing through a maze of weekend travelers departing Atlanta.

"No problem, I really wish we were going to the opening. I miss you guys. But, the twins would destroy the place."

"Mike wouldn't care, he'd just be happy you were there."

"I know, but we'll see everyone here in Miami soon. Which is why I called… to get your accommodations situated for the wedding."

"Yeah, what's the plan? I just took care of the tux this week; we're going to die in the heat."

"Oh god…don't get me started. The floating candles arrived here Wednesday. And yesterday, Emmett moved them into the garage. Well…"

"Melted?" I cringed, imagining Rosalie's wrath.

"Melted. I made him clean the playroom for punishment. And Tanya's a bitch."

"Whoa," I replied, not surprised.

"She's demanding and full of herself. Tyler's lucky he's so cute and I adore him, otherwise… Edward this entire thing is so over the top it's comical."

"Says the woman who had white doves fly out from under her wedding dress across the lawn of Hale House."

"Ha. You're hilarious, really."

"You know I love you." Making my way to the concourse, a 17Live advertisement loomed large on the wall. Lauren and Riley beamed bleached and shiny from behind Plexiglas.

"Yes, yes, yes. But, I do love hearing the elation in your voice when you're about to see Bella. Makes me smile."

"I can't wait. I'm tired as hell, but I'm looking forward to the weekend."

"You know she's been driving back and forth to Seattle all week helping Mike. When I called there this morning to wish him luck, she was already mopping the restaurant floors."

"That's Bella."

"I know. Okay, so you and …_Lauren_ can stay in the guest cabana if you want to. I still can't believe she's coming with you." _Me neither_. "Tyler's staying with us, and of course Mike and Paul will be camped out in the kitchen. James and Victoria have a hotel room at the beach."

"Where's Bella going to be?" I asked.

"Here. She wants to be near the boys… and Emmett."

"I think you better shoot me some hotel info. And stop stressing; you always throw a perfect party."

The taxi dropped me directly in front of _Forks._ It was Bella's clever title thrown into the mix after a couple bottles of cheap wine so long ago when it was just a dream. That dream had come to fruition; Mike's life was more settled than ever. I stepped through the heavy front door into the semi-private party. The restaurant was surprisingly spacious considering the quaint Seattle neighborhood. The décor was retro in color, industrial in accent but overall very sophisticated. The walls were covered in oversized artwork I knew he'd purchased from local art students. A young woman wearing a long black apron approached me near the entrance. I gave her my name then spotted Mike and Bella in the center of a small group near the bar. I made my way through mingling patrons with wine in hand and urban chic in appearance.

Bella's arm was looped through Mike's father's. Her shoulders exposed, wearing a loose, black bohemian looking dress that fell to her knees. Her dark layers were pulled taut in a low ponytail... _Christ. _My heart raced, as I moved behind her leaning in to kiss her cheek. A safe, social gesture that was always acceptable for display.

"Edward…" She melted into an embrace. I breathed ever so slightly against her honeyed skin. Mike joined in with handshakes and hugs. We greeted family and friends from past and present. Bella stayed near, assessing. She gave me her habitual once over, taking me in with wide eyed wonder. _I loved it. _The atmosphere was festive, Mike's exuberance was infectious. I reminisced with his parents and his partner Paul, while Bella dusted private patterns over my knuckles in the dim lighting. The bond with Mike's family ran deep for both Bella and I. His life line during devastating personal struggle, we'd calmed his desperation to end life as he saw it while sophomores in college. Bella and I would forever be tied to them. It was an intensely proud moment seeing him in the glow of his dream and identity.

"Let's take your bag to the back office," Bella suggested. I followed her down a narrow brick walled hallway, our fingers tightly laced. Immediately tossing the bag on the floor, Bella pushed the door shut behind her and moved flush against me. "Hi," she whispered, smiling the smile that made the fight worth fighting.

Soft lips brushed, always cautious to begin. Gentle pecks between us simple, yet significant. Her fingers gripped the back of my neck for leverage in the heady rush of reality. I leaned against a small glass desk, pulling her with me. "What's going on with your hair?" She joked.

I shrugged and started a sweet assault on her irresistibly bare shoulders, dusting with light lips. "I need to keep it short so I don't pull it out." She smoothed down my arms over my pinstriped dress shirt.

"You've been working out." Still absorbing what she'd missed, running curious hands over my chest.

"Helps me unwind." I sighed and stared. I held her gorgeous face with one hand and her body close with the other. "And it keeps me busy."

"I don't like you so stressed, I'm worried…" She bit her lip and tensed her brow while fingertips traced under my eyes, over my lips. The door swung open and Tyler pounced excitedly, saving me from excuses about two months of living hell.

"Man, I've been messing around in the kitchen for the past hour; I didn't see you come in." Bella stepped back, allowing for casual space. Tyler was full of fast words, explanations and anxiety. His bachelorhood hung in the balance, as humorous as it was to listen to my busiest of friends, I sensed sincere hesitation. Bella acknowledged with a nod and stepped out of the small office with a wink.

Tyler put out a cigarette with his boot, shaking his head. "I don't know man, it's like one minute I'm so fucking amazed by this woman then the next I'm wondering what the fuck did I get myself into." He gazed into the darkness of the late spring night, the back alley quiet, save for his confessions. "And now she's on this bullshit kick of no sex 'til our wedding night. We fucking live together, and what the hell is the point in that?"

I scoffed at the irony, knocking his muscled arm in support. "You'll make it a few more weeks."

"Shit, that's easy for you to say. You're getting it all over the place." He swigged his bottled beer as I tensed, exhaling. _I'd successfully avoided Wednesdays with Lauren since returning home, but her delusional marriage was still in full effect as I numbly carried through the necessary_ _motions._ "Fuck, that was rude, Edward. I'm sorry, man. I know things are screwed."

I raised my eyebrows, twisting my mouth in agreement.

"What's the deal, anyway? You'd better not be fucking with Bella's head again. Jesus Christ, she's been through some shit this year." He spoke the truth, but had minimal understanding. His involvement with Tanya limited his relations with the rest. "I still can't believe Sam's gone. He was one of the good guys, you know?"

_Yeah, I know. _

"Oh and shit, you owe me big time. You know Bella had me out there last weekend tilling that fucking garden of hers. And you come up here and do the easy part. Always a lucky bastard." I laughed at my exasperated old friend. Always the eager one, Tyler would do anything for any of us.

"Ty, you have to be sure about this wedding. I'm serious, don't make the same..."

Bella and Mike pushed the door open slightly. "There you are. We're starting to clean up." We all moved back inside, Bella popped Tyler's ass with a towel on the way. Then she mouthed to me, "Is he okay?"

"Just nervous." I assured her, guiding her down the hallway gripping those bare shoulders.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Yeah?" She giggled, walking backwards into her bedroom, unbuckling my belt.

"Oh, yeah." I confirmed naughty promises as I pulled her dress over her head. Bella's laughter was so rare recently. The evening's alcohol had some play, but there was genuine purpose for happiness in that moment. _We were together. _

I caught the toss of her panties one-handed with a smirk. She crawled slowly onto the thick down duvet, intentionally taunting me with her perfect ass. She laid waiting in nothing but my necklace around her exposed throat, swaying her bent knees tortuously. I climbed in, hovering finally naked and wanting, watching her breathing change. The tone of our intimacy quickly shifted from playful to passionate.

"I love you," she whispered, reverently cradling my face. I tucked into the small dip at the base of her neck, wet kisses making her shiver.

"I love you, Bella." I spoke my most important words against her porcelain skin. Making a languid decent down, I took one peak into my mouth… sucking then swirling each nipple while she caressed the other. My fingers trailed ahead of my tongue, slipping between her legs, aroused and burning.

"Oh…" Her eyes fluttered closed as she arched her back, so vulnerable to my touch. "More…" she begged quietly. Knowing what she truly wanted, I ran my tongue across her smooth stomach, down to meet my slowly pumping fingers. Spreading her gently, I tasted… licking slow and strong as she withered and purred. One fist grasped my hair, as the other grasped the pillow above her head. She was completely lost, seeking release. "There… Oh god, don't stop."

I continued thrusting and tasting her warmth until her legs trembled and she breathlessly cried out. Peppering kisses along the inside of her thighs as she floated, I ached to be inside. Suddenly hands reached and pulled to me in the moon lit room. It was an urgent craving, the need to remember and remind. I filled her without hesitation, pushing over her and claiming her parted mouth.

We breathed together, relishing the connection while finding our sensual rhythm. Our lips grazed wet and warm as I thrust forward, flesh slick from pleasure, my own release set in motion. "Ahhh… fuck, baby…" I pulsed hard inside my lover, while she softly whispered her devotion…

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"I feel those lashes," I spoke into the cool pillow, barely awake, but smiling. It was a quiet moment in the dawn of a new day.

"You love those kisses, don't you… my world famous butterfly kisses," She teased, contented.

"I do love them, and you. Scratch… please." Fingernails eased over my naked back while she straddled. "Mmmm. You can wake me up like this every morning." She stilled. That was punishing, I regretted it. I flipped over underneath her, measuring the damage. Her lip was caught between her teeth, her eyes sad. I grabbed her hands, tangling fingers. "Soon." Her expression warned me that reassurance can feel empty and forced.

She salvaged first… "So, the gardening gods have blessed us with drops of sun today and the Poet's Meadow is having an herb sale… isn't that exciting?" She wrinkled her nose and pursed her sweet lips in anticipation and mild sarcasm.

"Very exciting. Are you going to feed me and when can I see Leah?"

"Eric said to come by anytime after lunch, he has a bereavement group meeting this morning." We drifted for a moment, inevitably thinking about Angela. "And I have granola and raspberries ready for you."

"Homemade granola? Your mom's recipe?" I asked anxiously.

"Yes and yes. Come on, you owe me a day." She slid off the bed, grinning over her shoulder. _Baby, I owe you more than a day…_

Bella sat on the vintage gold speckled countertop, while I stood between her legs in my sleep pants, spooning natural goodness in my mouth. "This stuff is incredible; Renee should seriously package and sell this." She moved two plastic canisters from behind her, smiling in satisfaction.

"I made extra for you to take home." I rubbed her short yellow nightgown up her thigh in gratitude. "But don't share." It was not in jest; every so often the jealousy festered, manifesting itself in small ways. I kissed her fast and furious with a mouthful, cold with dripping milk, to briefly quiet the insecurity. "No, stop… what are you doing?" She was joyfully disgusted, wiping her mouth, and trapping me. Long legs loosely wrapped around, keeping me close.

"Can I open it yet?" She asked with adorable impatience. Nibbling her finger, arched brow, she knew I would tease. "Edward… please. It's been here for a week." I set my empty bowl in the sink, grabbed the box and a pair of scissors from a stoneware mug on the counter. She dove in… surprises, gifts, pathetic replacements for time lost.

"Ahhh…. new Wellies! Awww, I love them, baby." Pure bliss achieved so easy when you live to savor the simple moments. She tugged on the glossy cherry red boots. "You know I still wear the last pair you bought me for my birthday…what like nine years ago? I'll need these for the garden. Thank you…you sweet, gorgeous man." She pulled me against her chest, warm skin on skin as her thin straps fell to the sides. Instant desire, my cock stiffened at her almost bare center. Our kiss deepened, tongues begging, twisting. I lifted her off the counter, my hands under her ass as I carried her with intent through her small cottage towards the bedroom.

"What time does the plant nursery open?" I asked, breaking the kiss with her top lip between my teeth.

"Later… later, it opens… later," she breathed, wide eyed and wanting. "I'm leaving my new rubber boots on…" She mocked with an overtly seductive tone.

"You're weird…" I teased in reply, tossing her on the bed, laughing… _together. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

We arrived at Eric's house after filling the Porsche trunk with Foxglove, Bleeding Heart, cucumbers, basil and the like. I'd promised to get some lumber the following day to build boxes for the herbs and vegetables. Bella's motivation for this project was surely born from desperate distraction. Or it was a metaphor for nurturing and renewal, possibly. I followed her lead, prepared to take on anything to settle her soul.

Eric was weary. I wasn't prepared for the look of my devastated friend. While he'd been so peaceful the last time we were together, daily struggle was taking its toll. We embraced and spent several minutes in quiet conversation while Bella got Leah up from her nap. The sight of her carrying a baby towards me was magic. Leah was healthy, oblivious to the heavy heartache surrounding her tiny life. I immediately stole her from Bella, amazed at her physical growth and interaction. After pulling out the small gift I brought for her, she pushed heartily on my legs with her feet, attempting coherent sounds. I marveled to Eric about her advanced nature concentrating on the positive. Bella sat flush against me on the sofa, soaking in every giggle, squirm and wonder. The geometric board book I brought captured Leah's attention as I flipped slowly through the pages, dramatically narrating shapes, colors. Bella's fingers feathered down the back of my neck while her heart burst through her smile. Eric took a phone call in the kitchen as we moved onto the beige berber carpet so Leah could crawl. Bella encouraged her with a cheerful pitch as the baby rocked towards her. I propped on my forearms and stomach appreciating the scene. "It still smells like Angela in here," I reveled quietly, missing her.

"It's the lavender…" Bella agreed as she held Leah in the air. "Woooshhh… let's fly to Edward," she teased. Leah reached excitedly, melting me.

"I've got you baby girl…" I caught her, noticing Bella's emotional sigh.

We gently urged Eric to face the boxes wearing his late wife's scribbled name. Eric stood atop the ladder, while I handed from below, some contained holiday decorations she'd just packed away the day of the accident. I listened silently, patiently as Eric remembered. He rested his forehead on a lower rung… "I've actually been in a decent place lately." His voice broke, I laid my hand on his shoulder, squeezing slightly assuring him I was there. "But I don't know, being near you guys together…" My chest tightened. Turning towards me, visibly drained he seemed uncharacteristically angry. "You have to stop this. Don't you understand that? Nothing is worth the time you're wasting, Edward. Nothing."

Disappointing the friend I admired most was torture. "It's complicated." I defended my disaster.

"Bullshit!" He shouted, I shuddered in shock. "You're full of shit. What are you afraid of, Edward? What are you fucking afraid of?"

My trembling hand yanked through my hair, I was both embarrassed and enraged. "It's not what you think…" Bella walked from the front of the house holding Leah, innocently wiping squash from her thin curls and pink cheeks.

"Everything okay?" She sensed the unfamiliar tension building between best friends. Eric's stare penetrated me, he was relentless. I hung my head, took the baby from Bella and retreated.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"We should plant a tree for Leah… what do you think?" I asked with shovel in hand as the day turned late. Bella didn't question the strain at Eric's, and I didn't offer. We busied ourselves planting, the mood slightly pensive and hushed.

Waiting for acknowledgement, I looked down at her. She reflected the stare, but with distance. "What's wrong?" I stepped towards where she kneeled in the dirt. A light wind whistled, whipping dark hair against her pale face. The sun dipped as I watched her search and struggle.

"I lost a baby." Her gaze trailed past me to the line of fir trees edging the property. "I lost… our baby, Edward." In one sudden, fluid motion, I sat down pulling Bella into my lap as she reached for me. Her face buried in my dusty, damp neck. I held her close as desperate, cathartic tears began.

"I know… " Confessing, cradling, loving… through the painful, but necessary moment. We'd finally crossed yet another clearing along our life's marred path.

**a/n **

**Thank you very much for being here. xo **

**jaimearkin and Renas40, a million times thank you. Cherry red Wellies wouldn't be as sexy if it weren't for you two. **

**Two special hugs to L51R for the surprise inspiration and wheather79 for helping me keep Hotlanta in check. **

**There are some rough times ahead, please stay on the journey. I promise a special HEA for these lovers, 'cause I love them. **

**You've been so gracious in your reviews. I've fallen behind on my replies, I have a list. I'm going to get to every single one. xo **


	13. Chapter 11 More Than This

**Chapter 11, **_**More Than This **_

The setting sun filtered through the stained glass window, painting a mosaic across the pale blue bathroom walls. A quiet calm surrounded us, a blanket of peace. She lay against me soaking in the warm water of the claw foot tub. Bare and broken, we whispered and reflected as I wrapped her in the security of my arms. "Do I make you sad?"

"Sometimes…" Brutal honesty poured from her weary voice. She rolled her face away from my neck, wincing through the burn.

We forced through the difficult words. Present truths so raw, the past seemed almost pale. I smoothed over her slick skin to comfort the sting.

"I don't want you hurting anymore." With fingers under her chin, I forced her to look at me. We stared, willing the other to make it right.

"Then what happens next," she wondered, earnestly pleading for a definitive answer. I kissed her gently, slowly… her mouth, then cheek and forehead.

"Bella…" She reacted to my pause by sitting forward, leaning away from me, pulling her knees protectively to her chest. I smoothed over her back with soft fingertips. "I can't leave… yet. It's not that simple, I've made some really bad decisions… I'm in too deep with Peter. Everything I own is tied to this company. Everything. But completing this last project will set Jasper up to buy me out, then I can walk away quietly."

"What about Lauren?" Bella ran her thumb furiously over a chipped area of white porcelain, I couldn't see her expression, but felt her fear.

"My marriage is part of this process."

"Okay... I already know these answers by heart." Her response was flat, distant. She stood to get out of the water. I ran my hands down her wet legs, from her ass to her ankles while she reached for a towel, reminding her of my touch. It was a shallow action, with pure intent.

"Baby, hey…"

"I'm cold." I followed behind her, drying off, watching her from the corner of my eye. She adjusted her high knot of hair, hung the white towel over the door, then stared. Dark, sad eyes and a quivering chin penetrated my heart. I stepped towards her; desperate to stop the pain, but her hand braced my chest. "Do what you need to do. I'm just tired… so fucking tired." She trailed off as she walked out.

It was suddenly apparent we were careening towards a breaking point. Sharing the heartache of the miscarriage had undoubtedly opened an uncomfortable passage. The dark details of our long and complicated relationship loomed and threatened. There were only loose notions of the future, navigating to the next time and the next with no clear plan, we sustained only on vague dreams… before Sam was gone.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Hey." I smiled as she walked into the kitchen wearing a short, white cotton robe. She scanned the space where I lit a few small candles on the table in the nook. "What if I heat up the risotto from last night? I can make a salad too." My attempt at the safe and mundane was ignored.

"Alice can live here… with us. My friend, Charlotte at the hospital does dependency and disorder counseling." She blurted, looking everywhere but at me. She hastily opened a bottle of beer, sipping slow, closing her eyes with the long swallow. "I can sell my car… You can teach math… or I can leave… my practice and move to Atlanta…" She rambled impossibly trying to solve our immediate fate.

"Come here." I took the bottle from her hand, pulled her into my arms and crushed her to my bare chest. She reactively breathed me in, and leaned in closer, innately seeking support.

"Dance with me…"

"There's no music."

"Doesn't matter." I twisted our hands between us and began a silent rhythm.

"_Alice, I ran into Mrs. Cope at the game Friday. Did you know she used to be my second grade teacher too?" _

"_No." Alice answered Bella from a top my shoulders, her pink princess shoes kicking my stomach. _

"_Yep. And she told me, you were the smartest girl in the whole first grade." _

"_No I'm not." Bella's face fell at her failed attempt to make Alice smile. I set my sister down onto the dark pine mulch. _

"_Okay kiddo, go play." I motioned away with my hand, encouraging her on a sunny Wednesday afternoon. She slowly made her way to the teeter totter, collapsing on the low end resting her chin on her knees. _

"_I can push her on the swings." Bella offered, twisting her mouth in thought. _

"_Give her a minute. My dad wants her to try harder with other kids." _

_We moved to a picnic table on the periphery of the play area, Bella leaned back on the top while I sat on the bench. _

"_Thanks for the ride home." _

"_No problem, sorry about the detour with Alice." _

"_No, this is great. Do you bring her here a lot?" _

"_Most afternoons. My mom hates the park, so if I don't then she doesn't get to go very much… not that she likes it either." I shrugged as we watched Alice mope. _

"_Is she okay?" Bella asked sincerely, leaning down over her legs, I felt her studying my profile. _

"_Yeah, just really shy, especially since we moved back here." I shouted to her, telling her to climb up the slide ladder, she shook her head with an empty stare. _

_The dense trees behind us rustled through a cool breeze. Bella crossed her arms over her dark green, mercilessly tight t-shirt. "So, things look kinda serious with the French exchange student? Hmmm?" Bella nudged my shoulder with her knee, teasing… possibly digging, hopefully envious. _

"_She's cool, we have fun."_

"_We have fun," she mocked. "She's so ridiculously pretty," she mumbled to herself, twisting her long, dark waves in her fingers. I glanced over my shoulder; the autumn sun cast an auburn light around her perfect face. _

"_So are you." She bit her bottom lip in response and stared down at her worn running shoes for escape. Feeling slightly empowered by her anxious reaction to my complement, I leaned back, flexing my arms next to her. _

"_What about you… I leave for a year, come back and your still carrying Sam's gym bag?" _

"_Shut up." She giggled, pushing me again with her knee. That time I felt the contact all the way to my groin, weakening my act._

"_No, seriously… you're still sitting in the bleachers. A bleacher creature…" I smirked, teasing sarcastically, masking my intent._

"_First of all, I'm not a bleacher creature. You have me confused with Rosalie." _

"_Oh, do I? Seems it's the only place I see you after school… sitting in the bleachers, watching your boyfriend throw passes." She arched an eyebrow and squared her shoulders. _

"_Do you look for me after school, Edward?" _

"_Maybe…" I turned away, letting her process my admission. _

"_Oh," she said quietly. A few awkward moments passed, as innocent truths settled between us. "Do you want to… study or something this weekend?" _

_I reactively smiled through a deep exhale. "I don't think Sam would like that too much." I peeked over my shoulder as she nibbled nervously on her finger. _

"_Okay… I understand." She hopped from the picnic table, dusting off her sweet ass within inches of me. Clearly intentional, it gave me the motivation to push forward. I pulled at my hair, steadying myself. Reaching out with a trembling hand, I grabbed and pulled hers… warm and soft. She turned quickly stumbling into me, eyes surprised and locked on the logo of my t-shirt, then trailed slowly up. When we finally stared, we knowingly smiled, acknowledging the pull. _

_A chaste, brave kiss on anxious lips was quickly interrupted by sobbing. Alice ran clumsily towards us, wiping her eyes. _

"_What's wrong?" I kneeled down, while Bella stood motionless, brushing over her lips with shivering fingers. _

"_That boy… made fun of my… talking," she cried. _

"_Which boy? That one with the green shoelaces?" I pointed, scoffing dramatically. _

"_Uh-huh." Her lip quivered, she grabbed my arm. _

"_What does he know? He's wearing green shoelaces at the playground… in October!" Bella laughed lightly behind me. I mouthed 'her lisp' to Bella over Alice's head. She nodded, pouting sympathetically. _

"_Hey Alice, do you like to dance?" Bella asked enthusiastically, crouching down to her level. Alice watched and listened. "My mom teaches dance, she has a little studio downtown. There are big mirrors on the wall so you can see yourself spin. I have a key; do you want to see it?" She nodded; her wide eyes and rare smile were contagious. Bella reciprocated and held Alice's tiny hand. "We can turn the music up super loud and use the…" They walked ahead towards my VW, Bella promised my lost, little sister a reprieve of uninhibited fun… and I fell madly in love with the kindest, most beautiful girl in my universe, unfortunately already taken. _

I pulled Bella into my lap at the small kitchen table. She ran random patterns through the hair on my chest as I pressed my forehead against her cheek. Her robe fell open, both above and below the tie. "Baby… we need to talk about Ty's wedding." Her jaw clenched, while her fingers feathered lower, just above the button of my jeans. "Hey, look at me…" I cupped her face with my palm trying to turn her attention, she resisted. I fell back against the chair to pause, watching that slight, familiar tremble set in her head.

"I'm sorry, baby. She's coming with me. I wish there was…" Her fingers suddenly covered my mouth. Sliding down to the floor between my legs, she stared with fervor, our gaze never parting. Wrapping my hands under her elbows, I tried pulling her back up, again she resisted. She furiously worked down my zipper, releasing my erection. Stroking me several times before she took me into her mouth… she continued to beg for things with her eyes that I couldn't control. She swirled her tongue around the tip and tasted down my length tortuously slow. Watching me through dark lashes, she sucked and licked passionately making her point. "Baby… stop." Gripping the tops of shoulders to pull her towards me, only made her intensify. "Bella, baby… _stop_…" I tightened my hold, finally forced her up.

"What's the matter?" She stood wiping her mouth seductively and opened her robe. "You wanna just fuck?" She spoke harsh and hard straddling me, holding my cock at the base, quickly burying me in her wet warmth. I framed her face with my hands, while she communicated her misery and laid claim.

Her mouth covered mine, tongues thrashing and tangling. She found pleasure with a rapid rise and fall. I tipped her head back with a tight grip of hair, grazing her jaw with my teeth and exposed throat with my lips, indulging her. I supported her back as she swiveled and rode at a panicked pace. She led, lost in frantic need. I roughly sucked a hardened nipple into my mouth, tugging with my teeth. Hurting and punishing, she furiously slid up and down my cock. "Ahh…" She screamed my name, shuddering as she came. I guided through a few more rapid thrusts to follow, falling fast from the high.

"Baby, you're okay…we're okay," I whispered, she nodded breathless as I caressed, kissed and reassured. "Talk to me…" She pulled away to see my face. Gently, her fingers traced along my cheekbones, down my jaw and covered my mouth, again. She shook her head, _no. _Denial was a dangerous evil easily mistaken for survival.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"This shouldn't take too long." Bella grabbed her Forks General identification badge as I opened her car door. "I just need to give the parents the Seattle cleft clinic information. I might monitor a feeding too, if it's time, just to be sure they're comfortable. Carlisle already signed the baby's discharge papers. Edward, you should see this little guy, he's gorgeous." I grinned, choosing my words, my reactions carefully. Our new fragility frightened me.

Once she disappeared behind the secure maternity doors, I fell into a waiting room chair, emotionally worn. I flipped through missed calls, same unknown name but now familiar number repeated twice. I dialed Jasper.

"How's it going?"

"Fine. Maria and I finally finished the entrance sketch, we worked through the weekend."

"Really? Was that necessary?"

"Did you want it finished or not, man? Shit."

"Relax. The concept submittal is Friday; I'll review and stamp everything when I get back tomorrow. I'm coming straight to the office. How's Alice?"

"Don't know. Didn't see her this morning."

"What?"

"She went out with friends last night. Sent a text saying she's staying over with someone. She didn't come home."

"What the fuck are you talking about? With who?"

"I guess people from work."

"She hasn't returned my texts or calls since I've been here. You need to find her. And at least act like you give a…"

I choked back imminent fear and hung up when I saw my mother approaching. She froze with a shocked expression. "Well this is a surprise." She stalked towards me, beaming outwardly, undoubtedly raging inside. She leaned in for an obligatory hug, pausing with a too tight grip before releasing me. "Are you here with your father? I just dropped off his briefcase."

"I was in town for Mike's opening…" I stepped back, escaping her web.

"Oh, in Seattle? When… on Friday?" She intuitively read my reaction.

"You're with her, aren't you?" The tone shifted, she moved closer. Squinting through her hatred, pale blue eyes examined every measure of my face. "What's the matter with you?"

My glaring silence perpetuated her useless interrogation.

"Why, Edward? Why are you ruining your life like this?" Her tongue rolled in the side of her cheek. "Don't you understand the opportunities you have?"

I concentrated on the pelting raindrops, exploding on the glass behind her.

"Your wife… is beautiful. She's successful… dynamic. And she loves you."

"You're delusional. You know better than anyone what lies beneath the bullshit façade. Don't you?" I challenged with wide eyes, raised brows.

"Who do you think you're talking to? Grow up, son. Stop being such an ungrateful, spoiled fool. You have everything a man could want."

"Why don't _you_ stop living vicariously through my pathetic marriage." She steeled, clutching her dark leather purse strap until her knuckles whitened. "I'm sorry you never made it past the plywood stage at the county fair, Mom."

"Edward…" She warned through clenched teeth. "Okay, this is what you want to do? I hope you realize Bella's no better than her alcoholic tramp of a mother."

"That's enough!" My fists clenched. "It's always been her… _Bella's_ not the other woman. Get used to it…"

When I noticed Bella over my mother's shoulder, her teeth were piercing her bottom lip, and her hands shook around her leather satchel. My dad walked towards us quickly. "What the hell's going on here?"

"Nothing, everything's fine. I dropped off your briefcase and found my son waiting for his mistress." She smiled sarcastically wide at both.

My mother moved within a breath of my lover's face.

"Why can't you leave him alone? You've already ruined one man's life…"

"Esme, we're finished here," Carlisle said sternly, grabbing my mother's arm.

"Get your hands off of me, you would condone this." She fumed, flipping her hair behind her shoulders. "Oh… Bella, I'm so relieved Judge Alistair finally took your mother's license away. I mean I know it must be embarrassing for your father…"

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

We ran from the car to the front door, soaked from the storm, thunder vibrating. "Do you think your dad can take you to the airport in the morning?" She asked quietly as we shook our jackets over the mat. Those were the first words she'd spoken since we left the hospital in Forks.

"Sure, I'll call him in a bit," I replied, but she offered no more.

She disappeared into the bedroom. I retreated for a few minutes, giving her space to settle. I poured two glasses of wine, leaned against the counter and composed myself. The slow bleed of the weekend proved the elusiveness of our healing.

Curled on her side, her hair in a contrasted, mahogany mess over her white pillow, her emotion was evident with each heave. I melted in behind her, resting my chin on her shoulder, embracing with secure arms. Balancing a wine glass in front of her, she accepted with a thankful sigh and forced hum.

"I'm sorry…. " We shifted to sit, wiping her face dry in veteran stoic form.

"Baby, I love you."

She nodded, exhaling to stifle a sob.

"I'll work around the clock to finish this project early and get back here to you."

"And you'll take me to Astoria for a long weekend?" She sipped through a taunting smile… disguising the heartbreak.

"You want to go back to Astoria, huh?" I traded the tease, grinning and warming from the sensual memory.

"Mmmm… I want to stay at that old hotel, and go to the theatre… and walk on the beach."

"We'll do that. Promise." I tucked damp rain tangled hair behind her ear. "What else do you want to do?" She sipped again, slower, watching me with thoughtful eyes.

"Start over. I want to start over… with you." I brushed a stray tear off her cheek with my thumb. Holding her hand to my face, to my mouth, I pressed lingering lips into her palm. "But…"

"No," I interrupted, she stilled. Sharing a few weighted, painful moments of silent stares, we edged closer. I ran my nose along hers, teasing over her parted mouth and begging swollen lips. "Don't you give up on me, Bella."

**a/n **

**Thank you very much for reading. **

**Thanks to my beta, jaimearkin who rescues my articles where I dramatically dump them and answers every question with patience and a smile. Thanks to my pre-reader Renas40 who carefully carries my heart when I give the lovers a tough time. Love you two xx**

**Hugs to SydneyTwiMum who crafted a lovely rec of this story on her blog this week.**

**faireyone, a very kind reader reminded me a few weeks ago… 'isn't it always darkest before dawn…' This is their truth. The story will conclude with Chapter 20, there are very difficult times ahead, but I promise the last three chapters will build their special HEA. **

**I'm grateful for every thought you leave xo **


	14. Chapter 12 One Flight Down

**Chapter 12, **_**One Flight Down**_

The roar of the Porsche turbo shook the heavy morning fog. My early haze menaced after long, late hours spent staring, touching, wishing… I watched the dust rise over the half shutters as Bella tore from the end of her dirt and gravel drive, spinning wheels… churning fury and frustration. _Slow down, baby. Please, slow down. _

Vague visions of my lover moving about quietly, an eye on the time and on me. At last, brushing over my forehead with sweet, warm breath, stilling, only letting it be. Never ever did I pretend until then. Paralyzed by a sad, devastating farewell, I decided parting words were better silent than spoken. The written result laid on the white, weathered nightstand beside me.

_Safe travels. _

_love you, Bella _

Naked and prone, I reached to thumb over a photo of us on the dock at Hale House framed in mirrored glass. Her head thrown back in easy bliss, my arm loose around her, smoking, breezy… _beautiful Bella_… on the day before her wedding. After checking the blank phone for a message from Alice, my hand dropped to the pewter knob of the small drawer. Opening it, I was curious, searching, connecting. Photographs of newborn Leah, Mike and Paul in France, and a pack of birth control pills were randomly scattered.

A small, rectangular envelope tied closed with a knot of twine hid in the corner. I released the tie, discovering Sam's rings. A bold championship ring with gems and engraving, then a thick platinum wedding band fell onto my bare chest. I slid the band on against my own and lifted a book from the drawer. _On Remembering, One Day at a Time… _

Penned notes in the margins, blue and black ink reminded her to pause, to hurt, to feel. A torn page from a leaflet held the current page, a masculine script, a number and _let me know_…

_I knocked lightly against the pine door, a childhood bedroom in her family's home. Emmett warned of her exhaustion as he started his car, yet Renee urged me upstairs. _

"_Come in." She spoke quietly towards the ceiling, a new moon peeking through cracked windows illuminated her damp face. _

_I laid down next to her, staring at the same place on the ceiling, in the same moonlight, on the same bed, awkwardly across the width. "Your mom looks good." _

"_She's trying… for me, I think." _

_I shifted to my elbow, watching her lashes dust pale cheeks with every blink, watching her lips pucker with every deep breath. "Bella…" _

"_You're leaving for Atlanta?" _

"_I have to, I'm sorry." I tucked a few dark strands behind her ear, then gently ran down her neck. "My flight's early in the morning." _

"_Isn't Lauren's big promotion party tomorrow night?" She finally met my stare, intensely. _

_I nodded, cupping her face, brushing over tear stains with my thumb. "Will you be okay?" Her chin quivered, but she resisted. _

"_Yeah, oh yeah… Emmett's leaving too, season training starts soon." I ignored the pairing of Emmett's presence with mine, blaming her weariness. "Sam's parents are meeting me at the house tomorrow… to…" She trailed off, focusing somewhere over my shoulder. "He was warm; I told you he felt warm, didn't I?" _

"_Yes, baby, you did." I leaned slightly closer, steadying for the phase to come. Loathing the patronizing tone in my voice, it was a new natural affect when talking to her. _

"_I shaved his face, you know… that morning. We always did that on Saturday. But I told him he felt warm. He just wanted a kiss." She smiled peacefully in thought. "No, see he was sweating when I pulled his shirt on." _

"_Emmett took him outside for some air, Bella. You didn't know." I reassured through the familiar dialogue. We'd run the scene several times in the past seven days. _

"_Edward, they told me, they did… pulmonary em…" She covered her mouth with the back of her hand, eyes widening. She broke, but calmer… a subtle improvement. _

_I pulled her to me, holding close. She was sligh from braving condolences, hot dishes and formalities that masked shock and pity. Sam was gone, suddenly, tragically. The hometown hero… heart of gold… phrases of praise that both warmed and hurt. _

_She forced away, rolling again to her back, the top of her head fell just over the edge of the bed. Wiping her face furiously, sniffling then whispering, "He told me not too long ago…" Drifting for a moment, she paused. "Right after his accident, he heard… kept hearing, someone saying Mrs. Uley, Mrs. Uley, Mrs. Uley… he thought I was there, and he cried. He thought I was there. He begged them to bring me to his bed… " She shook her head, touching her fingers to her lips. "It was his mom, his mom…Mrs. Uley was there, I was with you… in New York. He thought I changed my mind, that I was there." _

_Her fist suddenly found my chest, startling both of us. She narrowed her eyes, looking for a place to lay blame, to unload the guilt that weighted her sweet soul for so long. I wrapped my hand around her tight clench and waited. _

"_He's dead. Sam died and I wasn't fucking there for him… again." She fought away from me, but I was stronger. "I was with you… again. I was with you inside that stupid, stupid house." _

"_Don't…" I begged, pleaded and demanded. Her fingers clawed at my t-shirt, gripping and pulling, desperation washed over her expression, lips parting and seeking. _

"_Love me, Edward… oh, god… please…" Conflicted, I communicated my feelings by glancing away from her agony. "Edward, please…" She moved my hand to her stomach just above her dark knit pants. The sensation of her soft skin tortured my judgment. Soothing her was so innate, but the balm she needed in that moment wasn't just sex, she needed tenderness, closeness… me. I slid a flat palm lower under her pants and panties, her eyes fluttered as she moaned. Clothing peeled and dropped. _

_Stroking into her slowly, I sought to pacify the loneliness and the fear. Bella's sole purpose was caring for her husband… suddenly gone was that need. I fed her new empty existence with a pure love, reminding her. It was always present, always ready. I pumped harder with every breath, pushing and filling. Her fingers dug, urging me deeper. A rhythm back and forth, our broken hearts raced. I swept my tongue over her pouting lips, strong and wet. "I love you… you know that, baby…" _

_Her knees reactively dropped to the side, she angled her face looking away, hiding with shaking hands. I stilled inside her. The sensations too intense, the emotions too raw, the confusion overwhelmed her. "I can't… I don't know… I'm sorry." I held her face in my hands, kissing her gentle, soft caressing kisses. _

_I eased myself out, and settled along her bare, flushed body. She focused on the ceiling, I focused on her. "Don't leave." She winced, hating the sound almost more than the meaning. "Edward, I'm alone." _

"_Listen to me," I spoke sternly, gripping and turning her. "You're not alone. Sam's family needs you, they need you to be there. And Angela's having a baby soon, she needs you strong. And I'm here, I'm yours, Bella." _

_Bella moved over me, sinking down and swiveling over my waning erection. With my hands on her hips, we resumed our passion, our healing. I sat to meet her, close and tender. She moaned against my mouth, then dropped her eyes to witness our connection, my lips pressed against her glistening forehead. Wrapped warm and wanting in each other, she worked, I supported. Burning and tightening, she rode harder at the end. _

"_Edward…" A plea, her head tipped back and her core trembled. _

_I held her while she slept that night, wondering how we could go forward. I was a married man; Bella was a widow. Our reality was dangerous, unbalanced, we faced a future that would either destroy or save. _

"How is she?" I asked as my dad drove us towards Seattle in his used SUV.

"Your mother? She's… fine."

"I'm sorry about yesterday. She was just exceptionally hateful this time."

"Edward, you never need to apologize for defending Bella, I understand."

"How do you do it? She's so… miserable." I stared at his profile, kind, peaceful. He scoffed lightly.

"I'm numb, I guess." A few moments passed while I watched him, a mature, gentle soul, a healer by trade and nature.

"Dad, you don't have to do this anymore… for us."

"I know." He defended quietly, stared ahead, clearing his throat. "I tried to leave once…" He dusted his mouth along his extended arm. "I was in love… with someone." Silent, knowing moments passed as we took the airport exit. I saw in his distance, he wasn't able or willing to offer. But I remembered, and so there was Alice.

"She's slipping a little, Alice is…"

"Is she using? Should I come?"

"No, no not yet, I can handle it. Jasper's distracted, things are just falling apart between them."

"I knew it was a mistake. She's too young… she wasn't ready."

"Atlanta is the lesser evil right now. Mom's attitude…" He pulled along the departure drop off. "I'll take care of it, but listen… stop putting money in her account. I've got it covered."

I reassured us both with a tight parting embrace.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Jasper and Maria's flirtatious laughter penetrated the vacant entry as I approached. His smug greeting, told the tale. Exchanging forced pleasantries, I barely recognized us.

"Headed home?" I decided to match. He arched a brow in challenge, our bond further deteriorating. "Where's Alice?"

"Working the late shift." He answered; Maria's eyes fell to the marble floor after pushing their escape on the elevator panel.

"Oh, Maria… we need to sit down and do your performance review this week. How's Thursday sound?" Jasper twisted his mouth as he hovered in front of her, protectively. His arm caught the door as it closed.

"Edward, you know that Embry kid from Green Dawn that kept calling?" I stared, narrowing my eyes. "He stopped by while you were visiting… Bella. Turns out he was looking for a job. But I told him we weren't hiring." He jerked his arm, they disappeared.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Parked in my sedan in front of the coffee shop, I watched my sister mill and move behind the customer counter. Figuring Lauren was prepping for the camera, I decided it was safe to return the call after her fourth attempt.

"Edward…" She answered, I braced.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself. Where have ya'll been? Was the flight delayed?"

"I stopped at the office. Aren't you going on air soon?"

"No, I took the night off to welcome ya'll home." She paused, my eyes widened in the darkness as I gripped the phone tighter. _Fuck. _"It was a surprise. I baked a pork loin."

"I didn't know…"

"Well… I'm gonna watch the eleven now, see how Riley does solo. Ya'll comin' home now? I'm still waitin'."

I noticed Alice walk to the rear of the shop and through a back door. "Yeah, soon." I opened my car door as Bella's number appeared on the screen still in my hand, the time; our time had completely slipped my mind.

"Baby…" I answered.

"Did you make it?"

"Yes, I…" Suddenly Alice and a young guy sauntered around the corner of the painted brick building. There was nervous chuckling, arms and hands in constant motion. They blew obnoxious smoke and moved towards an unfamiliar black hatchback. The handle was pulled, and kisses were placed as she ducked into the car. As my phone landed on the seat next to me, Bella called out my name. I shouted to hold on… to waitas I leaped.

"Alice!" They startled and stilled, focusing on the anxious energy rushing at them.

"Edward, what…" Embarrassed more than surprised, she yanked her arm from my grasp and leveled herself deeper into the foreign car.

"Dude, what's your problem?" The punk directed his mindless bullshit my way.

"Get out of the fucking car, Alice. Now!"

"Hey man, what the fuck? Alice, who is this asshole?" His fingers pressed my shoulder as mine wrapped around hers.

"Okay! Shit, back off, I'll get out!" She scowled. I stepped away, glaring at the kid pushing his luck.

"Alice, come on. They're waiting at…" He mumbled their deviant plan, breathing over her tired, angry face. She replied in a hush, then ran past me, thin arms hugging her chest. Furiously diving into my passenger seat, she tossed my phone to the floorboard. Retrieving it, my stomach sank as I noticed the black screen.

"Are you babysitting me now?" She seethed sarcasm as I started the engine.

"Shut up," I snapped.

"Go to hell, Edward." My foot slammed the breaks in reply.

"Shut the fuck up. I mean it this time. I'm too fucking tired to do this with you now. You're coming home with me." She gaped and gasped, but didn't argue. Struggling, I listened to Bella's phone ring, hitting _END_ before her voicemail punished me.

**a/n**

**Thank you for reading xo**

**Thank you Jaime for your hugs and patience. I know I was exhausting this week xo **

**Thank you Irene for your supportive words, always. I wouldn't ride the emotion coaster without you xo Love you both so much. **

**Please treat yourself to Jaime's Lodge adventures, it's the sweetest, sexiest place to rest your heart and mind… www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/6389047/1/The_White_Swan_Lodge **

**The Wayward Pushers are hosting a readalong for The Companion by samrosey. It is on February 17****th**** at 8pm CST. Please join in! The story is beautiful.**

**Have a wonderful weekend; I'm grateful you're here. **

**We're headed to Miami for a wedding, hope you continue the journey xx**

**How do you feel, what do you think… **


	15. Chapter 13 Humble Me

_**from Bella**_

"I didn't think you were coming in today. You don't have anyone scheduled." Jake was curious, almost concerned. "Weren't you running Edward to Seattle?" He sat on the edge of my desk, squeezing a small, orange therapy ball.

"I'm behind with charting…" I lied.

"You okay? You look tired."

"Yeah, yeah… I'm good." I offered no more, he slid off the desk, stopping in the door.

"It's almost been a year, Bella. You can be honest with me, you know." His fist pounded the door frame in thought and parting gesture.

"Jake…" I whispered, too late.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Tuesday evening I arrived at Eric's house for his weekly reprieve. He met me at the door with a busy Leah, friendly kiss and a grateful smile. "I'm just going to the coffee shop downtown to read a bit. I won't be too late." He stared and studied.

"Sounds good. We're going to have a bubble bath and a pajama party." I peppered smooches all over Leah's sweet baby skin.

"I don't like your eyes." Eric held the screen door open.

"What?" I laughed in avoidance.

"Talk. Come with me, I'll grab the stroller."

"No." I stopped him. "I'm fine, I promise. It's okay."

Eric reluctantly left as I took Leah inside. My heart hurt, all I wanted to do was talk to Edward. A complete contradiction to that morning, when I slipped out quietly, too weary to deal. He was supposed to call when he landed… hours before. I decided I'd try at our usual time, later when his wife was at the studio.

We had so many possibilities, but the consequences of our past continued to plague and pull. Healing the ache of miscarriage together was significant, but it didn't close the wound. It felt like a ragged, disjointed bond, threaded by sorrow. The reality of our destructive pattern was finally realized with Edward's visit.

I rocked and soothed Leah in her moonlit nursery. I traced her tiny features and watched her rapid breaths. "If your mommy was here, she'd guide my heart… She was very good at that. She'd remind me how much Edward loves me, how much he always loved me… How we'll be okay." My whispers were met with peace and slumber. I dusted a goodnight kiss over her forehead and laid her down. "But your mommy's not here… anymore, beautiful girl."

Eric brought me a steaming cup of spiced Chai. We curled up on the weathered swing in the backyard with a lantern. "Talk."

"What do you want to hear? You already know…"

"You have to settle yourself, Bella." He paused. "I don't think _he_ can do it this time. It has to be you."

"I miss Sam. I've been thinking about him a lot lately. I don't know, guilt or…"

"It's guilt… it's love. Embrace it… feeling it will help heal."

"I can't focus, Edward can't focus. We're so fucking restless." I stood up and leaned against the railing. "I get it. You know, I was there. All that school… he's so smart, good at what he does. He's a business owner… Shit, Eric."

"Doesn't matter. Those are just details. You know what matters."

"He matters. I love him… so fucking much. But I don't know if we can…" I broke, sitting back down, cuddling against my dear friend.

"I've seen you guys at your best. You're low right now and he needs to find his way. You can't beg and ask anymore."

"I miss Angela, how are you?"

"Lonely. So fucking lonely."

"I know…"

**Chapter 13, **_**Humble Me**_

"Look at these homes..." Lauren's eyes fixed wide and envious as she stared through the window of our luxury rental. Her freshly manicured fingers tapped manically along the door. "I wish we had waterfront property. We should buy a second house up on Lake Lanier." She studied my profile, waiting. "Maybe after you finish with Mr. Randall's project..." I adjusted the volume to the public radio program I used to calm me. My sigh and half smile weren't enough response to the future though. She nervously traced the scalloped pattern on her skirt's edge, cooling her frustration. "Why are ya'll so quiet?"

My wife's efforts at genuine were slow and mindful lately. But my aversion was persistent, as days turned into weeks.

I dusted my mouth with my thumb, a heavy watch and wedding band shackled me to the moment.

"Daddy was going to call Carlisle with a tee time today." She chirped and tried.

"Oh, well I'm not sure how much time he'll have this weekend. He's really determined to be with Alice and work on their house while he's in town."

"They can't do that all weekend." She scoffed. "I should take Alice to have her highlights redone. It's been a while. Hey, did you ever fire that dark haired girl in your office?"

I nodded. "Two weeks ago. Maria is gone."

Lauren pulled down the visor mirror, admiring and primping. "Alright, remind me about all these people. I don't want to pair up the wrong couples and all." She'd forget the facts and figures of my friends once in their presence. She'd eventually interview each with intention to appear interested. She straightened against the grey leather and continued lusting over the multi-million dollar homes along the intracoastal waterway. "Rosalie and Emmett have one daughter?"

"Twin boys, Garrett and Seth."

"And what position does he play for the Dolphins?"

"Wide receiver."

"Wait… wasn't that what the other guy played, the one who passed?"

"Yes, Sam."

"So who's pregnant?"

"Victoria and James are expecting in November."

We pulled into the patterned paved drive behind a collection of cars. Lauren bounced ahead of me; her energy for the weekend was unusual. Paul greeted us at the door with a pitcher of fresh sangria, claiming the mood already warranted alcohol. After casual musings over the aromas brewing for the weekend festivities, we followed the housekeeper to the rear patio. Rosalie was glistening, tense, and bracing for my wife as we approached.

I lost focus on the forced pleasantries between the Lauren and Rose, when I saw _her_ on the back lawn across the swimming pool. It'd been a long haul of sparse conversations worth meaning. I missed her madly. Bella's laughter lit my soul. Watching her run with Seth made my heart pound. His small hands gripped her shoulders tightly while she hugged a football with one arm and his leg with the other. Emmett and Garrett went in for a tackle, while they tumbled to the ground. "So they look good… getting along…" I questioned Rose quietly.

"They're trying; she's been here all week. Leave it alone." She offered an arched brow warning.

Lauren stepped forward, smoothing down my arm. "That's the one that was married to… Poor thing, is she still upset?" Thankfully Garrett spotted me before Rose had an opportunity to travel that path with her.

"Edward!" He squealed and ran towards me with open arms and excitement. Bella followed, striding with purpose, Seth attached. She boldly wore my UW College of Engineering t-shirt and a pair of black running shorts. I was the only engineer in the present bunch. Heated pink skin and panting lips pleaded to me. After I scooped up Garrett, Bella leaned in for a chaste kiss, lingering just long enough for Lauren to reveal her presence.

Bella offered Seth's filthy foot to my wife's offered hand. Lauren laughed casually after crossing her arms over her chest in clear annoyance.

"Edward, I have a new telescope. Can you do it with me this weekend? Please…" Garrett begged.

"Of course I can." Rosalie insisted the boys jump in the pool to cool down. Tyler bounded outside with mischievous intent. He was loud, exuberant and obviously anxious. We reacquainted and bit through the odd moments with my wife.

"Emmett… you thinking what I'm thinking?" Tyler shouted as they eyed Bella pulling her hair into a high ponytail.

"You fuckers, don't even…" Bella knew her fate.

In one quick motion, Emmett had her arms, Tyler had her legs and she was swinging over the pool's edge. Tossed into the deep end, she carelessly played with the boys instead of joining us again. The ache burned, I needed reassurance. Asking Garrett to show me his best dive, I slowly made my way poolside. Rolling my white shirtsleeves up, I bent my knees, lowering myself as close as possible. We stared. Squinting against the sun, her skin ablaze with summer freckles, _my favorite_. "Come in. It feels _so_ good."

"You're cute." I offered sarcastically, smirking as she treaded away from me. We simultaneously glanced towards the covered patio, where Lauren bonded with Tanya, mouths moving rapidly. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. Relax." She rolled her eyes and dove under to grab tiny kicking legs. My jeans were soaked while Bella and I judged dives and somersaults. Rose joined me with a full blue rimmed glass, dipping her legs next to mine.

"Fucking hell." She exhaled, resting her head on my shoulder.

"That bad?"

"That bad. But your wife might actually be useful this weekend. They make a good pair." She gestured over her shoulder at the bright blonds one upping between sips. "Lauren's a peach, baby. She's already invited herself into the bride's room, because she can do a mean French twist."

"It's true. Best one I've ever seen. But I think Miss Alabama Blossom does it faster." I stole a taste from her drink.

"Shut the hell up, oh my god you're so crazy. I love you. I can't believe this is your life." Our teasing turned serious, as we watched Bella play with uninhibited joy, kids loving and laughing.

"I can't either, Rose."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Chairs arranged, vases filled, bows on bubbles we worked while Rose argued and Tanya demanded. We rotated intervention duties, finally winding down with grilled ribs, summer squash and copious liquor. Bella stayed quiet and close to Mike. She glowed in a short white sundress; her bare sun kissed shoulders taunted me beneath thin straps and colorful embroidery. _Christ. _

We were gathered in the kitchen when Victoria and James arrived late. The swell of excitement peaked over Victoria's new belly and James' new beard. It took so little to rouse our close group. Bella couldn't tear herself from Victoria's side, her eyes damp but silent. I noticed, I knew. Mike doled out a few prep tasks for the next day's rehearsal dinner spread. Bella offered to man the onion chopping, cleverly masking her emotion. Time passed, intoxicated reminiscing, teasing and loving penetrated the space. Being near was salvation for us as years progressed.

"Your maternity top is darlin'," Lauren interjected.

Vickie was cautious, measured. "Thank you."

"What's the label? There's a new little maternity and baby boutique in our neighborhood that I can't wait to use." She turned to me, resting a firm hand on the back of my neck. "You know the one honey; I did the ribbon cutting for." She winked, mascara laden lashes sweeping a sudden pallor over the room. _Fuck. _

"Oh, actually I made it." Victoria smiled through the weighted moment. The tip of Bella's knife dug vertically into the cutting board beneath her hand. "Are you…" Victoria, always the strongest led us down the dark, inevitable road. I sat breathless, paralyzed and pathetic in a black barstool watching Bella grind and twist.

"Not… yet, but we're tryin'." She sang at a wicked pitch. Mike whispered gently into Bella's ear and slowly took the knife from her death grip. She stared; I watched the tremble coming on.

"Mrs. Uley. Excuse me, Mrs. Uley." Jessica, the nanny interrupted, wanting Bella's attention. Bella turned to her, wide eyed, confused. "The boys said you promised them a story. They're asking for you." Bella grabbed a tan towel, furiously wiped her hands and shook her head.

"Of course. I'm coming right now." She slipped Tyler's glass from his hand, took a deep punishing swallow of straight bourbon then hurried up the back stairs. Mike glared my direction, exhaling with disgust.

"Okie dokie kids, who needs wine?" Rosalie leaped from Emmett's lap and began to mend the damage.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"…All day long they follow the swan boats and eat peanuts. And when night falls they swim to their little island and go to sleep." Seth was tucked under Bella's arm; Garrett lay across her legs propped on a large orange football pillow. I leaned against the door frame taking in the soft lamp lit image.

"Edward…" Garrett excitedly jumped off the bed, grabbed my hand pulling me in the room. Bella sighed, shifting to make room, she tucked her knees, avoiding.

"Auntie B… are you going to have twins like us?" Seth blurted.

"Probably not." She kissed his forehead.

"Because Sam's in heaven?" He was playing mindlessly with her fingers; she smiled through despite her emotion. "Daddy gets sad about Sam sometimes."

"I know he does. Me too." She finally met my stare. "Alright precious pumpkins, let's do prayers and get you under the covers." Bella scooted onto the floor, anxiously. Seth and Garrett kneeled between us.

"I pray for waffles tomorrow." They giggled.

"I pray for Auntie B and Edward to live with us." I peeked, she winced against praying hands.

"I want grateful words, boys." They mumbled through important blessings.

"Alright my sweethearts, up you go." The boys started whispering as Bella tucked them under their quilts. "What's so serious?"

"We didn't do the special prayer Mommy wants us to this week."

"Oh yeah? What's that one?" I asked, as I pushed the quilt even tighter around them, creasing while they giggled.

"That Miss Tanya falls down in her big dress." Bella gasped, covering her mouth dramatically, stifling her approval. I bit my bottom lip. The innocence pulled us momentarily out of hell.

"Well your mommy is very silly and gets carried away sometimes. But that's why we love her. Give me snuggles." I followed close behind Bella as she moved towards the door. As soon as we were in the hallway, she darted ahead of me.

"Bella…"

"A baby?" Her shoulders shook as her bare feet hit the wood stairs. When we reached a landing off the second floor, I pulled her hard into a small half bath. "Edward… What the hell are you doing?" She seethed. Humid air fueled the rage in the tiny room. Our eyes met in the mirror, chests heaving. I pressed against her back, pinning her to the white pedestal sink. "Why?" She raised her fists, shaking harder. I slammed the cold water lever to drown the intensity.

Holding her face tightly against mine, I whispered against her cheek. "Calm down." Bella fought against my hold, thrashing. "She's lying. Stop fighting." Pushing ringlets off her glistening skin, I brushed my lips beneath her ear and down her neck tasting her luscious, salty skin. "Shhh." I slid my hands down over the thin gauzy material. Her chin dropped to her chest, her hands leveraged on the rim of the sink. Slowly lifting the hem of the sundress, I teased the sweet skin inside her thighs. Her muscles tensed as I rubbed my erection against her. And as I dusted my fingers along her cotton panties meeting desperate heat, her breathing increased.

"Edward…" She cried. I freed my cock, pushed her sundress over her ass and her panties to the floor. My knee edged to spread hers as her grip tightened in white knuckled anticipation. "Edward… oh fuck…" When I entered her, she gasped, I groaned. As our eyes locked in the mirror, I covered her hands with mine, lacing slippery fingers. I pulled my hips back slowly, never leaving her warmth. When I thrust forward, she moaned, pushed back, wanting more.

A strap slipped, revealing a perfect breast. I caressed, teasing her pink nipple while we watched in the reflection. We found a fast, satisfying rhythm in the small sweltering space. "Harder… please, oh god…"

I fucked my lover how she begged, watching her beautiful ecstasy in the glass. Guiding her hand to her swollen flesh between her legs, we rubbed together until she tightened and quivered. "That's it…" Her legs weakened, I wrapped my arms around her and reminded. "I've got you, baby."

She moaned through her orgasm as I pumped once, twice… pouring into her. "Bella, ahhh… fuck…" I rested over her, my white shirt transparent from our pleasure and efforts.

"Get off of me." She suddenly straightened, I staggered back situating myself. She slid down the dark red stucco wall near the door, using trembling fingers to pull her panties up. "What the hell is wrong with you…" Her eyes narrowed, our breathing slowed.

"Hey…" I crouched near her, she turned. "Bella, listen to me…" Her fingers shielded my face; I caught her thumb between my teeth as she pushed me away.

"I guess I played my part pretty well… A quick fuck over the bathroom sink. Perfect."

"You didn't like it?" We stood, both fuming.

"No."

"Really? You sure?" I straightened my shirt, fingering around my collar… cocky, pissed.

"You're drunk." Her hand found the handle.

"Come here." I flipped her around, pushing her against the door.

"You're making me sick. Go downstairs to your ovulating wife.

"Hey…I'm doing all this shit for us. Goddammit!" I trapped her hands above her head.

"What? What are you doing? All I see you _doing_ is giving everyone false hope… It's not fair. It's out of control." I let her go, our stare burning. She spoke the truth, we were spiraling.

"Who's Jason?"

"What?"

"Who's Jason? I found his number in your drawer. Who is that, Bella?"

"You've finally lost your mind. Are you serious with this shit? I'm standing here, your freshly fucked lover, with your wife right out there and you're playing jealous?" She swung the door open, escaping into the hallway.

"Get in here." I attempted to pull her back inside, Emmett appeared around the corner.

"He wants to buy my fucking car, asshole." I didn't recognize her expression in that moment.

"He's too drunk to drive," she spat at Emmett as she blew past him. As I stepped out Emmett braced my chest.

"Get your hands off me. You're gonna save the day now? The big hero…"

"You need to get your shit straight, Edward."

"Oh, fucking … save it. I didn't get the Golden ticket, Emmett. I've done this shit the hard way. I've never… _ever_ left her side. Never!"

"Keep your goddamn voice down." He warned with the last word.

Lauren was three steps up the stairs. Adrenaline pumped while confusion and anger consumed me. I grabbed my wife's hand, her lips parted in surprise at my touch. We moved through the front door quickly into the thick, salty air. She froze, halting and turning me. She studied my face for a breathless moment, exhaled deeply and let go…

**a/n **

**Thanks for reading xx**

**Thank you my beautiful, giving friends, jaimearkin and Renas40. Love you. xo **

**Bella was reading from **_**Make Way for Ducklings **_**by Robert McCloskey.**

**I love your messages; let me know what you're thinking. Have a great weekend. **


	16. Chapter 14 Deceptively Yours

**Chapter 14, **_**Deceptively Yours**_

"Phone's vibratin'…" Lauren spoke quietly, from behind white oval sunglasses. The summer breeze blew her short, blond hair in a tight storm around her made face. I set a plate of waffles and cream down, quickly and hopefully checking my phone.

"It's just my dad." I mumbled, dialing.

"Just…" She puckered and sipped a glass of ice water, staring at the vast, expanse of ocean.

"Dad…"

"Edward, how's Miami?"

"Fine. How is she?" I replied.

"Good. Real good. We went to pick out kitchen tile last night. She was into it."

"Jasper?"

"He's here, hanging the last of the molding in the sunroom."

"Huh…" I was pessimistic, suspicious now, always.

"Today's her advising appointment. She's got two courses picked out."

"Yeah… I went through everything with her last week. I don't think she can handle more than that. "

"Edward, you did it… again."

"It's early. You know how this goes."

"I do. I know, but right now she looks healthy. So, thank you."

I glanced at Lauren nibbling honeydew from the end of her fork, consuming only juice.

"Alright, I'll give you a call on Sunday when we get back."

Lauren twisted back in her wicker chair, running a finger along the corner of her mouth. "Your friend Sam died last summer, right?"

I nodded.

"Does Bella still live in Forks?" She pushed her sunglasses through her hair, crystal blue eyes pierced… wide and waiting. I scraped the last of the syrup and whipped cream into a small puddle on the corner of my square plate.

"She's in Port Angeles now."

"Mmm…" Her arms crossed her chest, watching my anxious sugar swirling. I dropped my fork, swallowed some black coffee. "Since we don't _need_ to be there 'til they start rehersin' tonight, I wanna go shoppin'. I don't like the dress I brought."

I dropped my own shades and ran my tongue dramatically along the inside of my cheek. I was in no mood to argue, Lauren was too close.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

I pushed open the door to Emmett's office. Bella was nestled on the camel colored leather couch, Seth in her lap. His tiny head drowning in an large, old helmet, a game controller rattled in his hands. Our eyes met briefly as I stepped further into the dark paneled room.

"Hey buddy, whatcha playing?" I gestured to the game system on the wall. Beeps and screeches blared as I sat down on the couch.

"Just a game." He answered, distracted.

"Just a game? Well do you think Auntie B and I could have a grown up talk for a few minutes?" Seth reluctantly turned to Bella, she nodded, smiling sweetly. He took the helmet off, leaving it in her hands as he hopped off the couch, starting for the door.

"Hey…" I gestured for a hug. Seth ran back to me, grabbing me tight around the neck, providing the calm I needed. "You okay today?"

"There's lots of people at my house."

"It's crazy right now. It'll be over tomorrow and then we get Fourth of July fireworks." He returned a small high five slap and ran.

Bella flipped off the wall unit as we stared alone in the quiet room.

"Sorry about last night." I started.

She slowly dropped the large helmet over her head, pursed her lips from behind the facemask, and narrowed her dark, gorgeous eyes. I smirked, relieved.

"Sorry I called you an asshole," she whispered.

"I _am_ an asshole."

"We both are."

She removed the helmet, letting it fall to the floor. Her fingertips purposefully dusted over mine. We lifted mirrored hands, touching, connecting. I reached with my other, pushing away stray strands. Reactively leaning into my hand, she closed her eyes, appreciating the gentleness. I moved within a breath, lips dusting ever so softly. "I'm losing you…" I whispered against her parted mouth.

She pressed her forehead to mine, rolling in silent, slight disagreement. What I once took for granted… what I once thought would simply naturally fall into place was slipping. Doubting more everyday if I even deserved all that she was, my confidence in our possibilities waned.

I skimmed over short, asymmetrical layers of moss green fabric. "Is this the dress I bought you in Portland?" She exhaled, grinning shyly… surely remembering.

"Yes." She retreated.

"It's my favorite color on you, you know…" _So beautiful. _Tucking her toes under my khaki covered thigh, she gazed out the large window behind the couch. I smoothed slowly up and down her tan legs.

"I'm thinking about taking my mom on a trip." Still focused on the view outside, her fingers rubbed mine mindlessly, over the inside of her knee.

"Yeah? I think that sounds good. Start small…"

"Maybe a weekend in Seattle. We could see Mike; go to a show or something." She paused, squeezing my fingers. "The garden is… amazing. I'm sure I'll have to weed when I get back, but I've had lots of flowers to bring inside. It's nice."

Her voice quiet, her smile genuine and the tear that slipped from the corner of her eye was truth. "Oh, I found this periwinkle color to paint my front door…" She ran a trembling slim finger under her eye, letting out a laugh of exasperation. Exhausted, embarrassed, emotional, we breathed.

"Okay…" I approved of her plans, her desperate distractions.

"Okay." She confirmed, squaring her shoulders and smiling with forced confidence. I brought her hand to my mouth, kissing lightly, just as Seth and Garrett skipped into the room.

Behind them stood Lauren, tall, daunting and determined.

"There ya'll are." She cocked her head, barely. "They're startin' outside." I stood, playfully tossing Garrett onto the sofa as Seth climbed back into Bella's lap. "Ya'll aren't in the weddin', Bella?" Lauren arched her brow.

"Nope… just the catering and babysitting crew on this one." Bella answered, attempting casual. My wife swiftly grabbed my hand and turned to escape. I pulled immediately from the hold, winking my farewell. Bella signed 'I love you' against her chest as I followed through the door.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

The boys giggled madly sticking colorful drink umbrellas in Bella's loose knot of hair. She wore them proudly. I dodged faces at my table, sneaking peeks. Victoria and James kept her animated and engaged. Lauren was uncharacteristically quiet to my right, drinking red wine. When the toasts began, Garrett found his way onto the chair with me, busying himself with cloth napkin creations.

Tyler presented Rosalie with a paper shopping bag and a devilish grin of gratitude. She smoothed out her dress, eyeing him suspiciously, playfully. "I think I better open this later…"

"Wise." Tyler responded, surrounded by laughter. Rosalie asked Bella to assume toasting and groom roasting responsibilities. She approached our table and stood behind him. We smiled knowingly across the table. My stare trailed down, visually tracing the wide leather tie at her waist, accenting her soft curves, then up to her nipples puckering through the thin tanked top. I inhaled deeply, breaking my lustful daze. Lauren suddenly shifted, pinching and spinning her diamond band furiously.

Bella teased and told of Tyler's laundry issues and microwave explosions, good intentions and mischief… about pawning her new mountain bike to help pay for a snowboarding trip.

"What?" He shrugged, smirking sarcastically. "I _let_ her come to Colorado with me."

"Yeah, after Chief Swan talked to campus police," James joked.

"No, after Sam found out," Emmett added with a dramatic arm flex and a fist pound.

Tyler tilted his head back to see Bella, she pinched his chin.

"I'm proud of you. Be sweet to her." She whispered.

Lauren began manically rocking back and forth in the white folding chair.

"You're sleeping with _her_… aren't you?" Her eyes were damp, angry.

"Lauren…" I warned, angling Garrett's head to the side. She stood, surprising all.

"What's the game, sweetheart?" Bella blinked, terrified. "Did ya'll sleep with _my _husband when Sam couldn't or… did ya'll play the poor, lonely widow?"

I pushed Garrett roughly off my lap and grabbed my wife by the shoulders.

"Edward..." Emmett demanded from across the lawn. I rushed Lauren through the house and the massive glass front door. She trembled under my forceful, furious hands.

"Get in the car." I swung the door open, pushing her inside; I threw the rental key into the driver's seat. "Turn the air on."

"I'm…"

"Don't fucking move."

Rose and Tyler stood stoic and serious in the foyer when I flew back inside.

"Ty, I'm sorry."

"Edward, shit. That's Tanya's family out there. This is a big fucking deal for us."

"Goddammit, I know." I was sweating, swearing… the moment was inconceivable.

"I mean you're here… you're _my_ family. This shit isn't cool, man." His jaw tightened, disgusted.

"Where's Bella?" They looked at each other. "Is she upstairs?"

Tyler moved in front of me, tensing.

"Edward, I think you should leave. You and Lauren… you need to go."

"Rose…" I was unraveling.

"I'm standing with him tomorrow…" I shouted, motioning behind me to Tyler, still guarding the stairway. I turned, meeting his narrowed eyes. "Ty?"

He focused on the door.

"Edward, it's gone to far." Rose said quietly. I ran a punishing hand over my face, through my hair. _Fuck. _I approached Rose slowly.

"I understand." After placing a chaste kiss on Rose's damp cheek, I whispered, "Tell her I'm sorry."

Tearing out of the driveway, speeding towards the hotel, I wrapped my shaking hands around the steering wheel.

"Please say some…"

"No."

"Edward, I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I've never…ya'll never look at me… that way. I just knew."

"Lauren…" I was speechless, sick.

"Right there… in my face." She said to herself, sobbing quietly towards the window.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"It's the last carousel down there." Lauren and I walked swiftly through baggage claim at Hartsfield Airport, a day early.

"Um… excuse me, Miss Mallory…" A young girl with long, dark hair and a bright pink ribbon stared up at my wife with excited eyes and a nervous smile. Lauren looked down, the corners of her mouth flinching slightly. "Um… can I have an autograph?"

"Oh." She reactively pasted her best stage smile. "Sure, darlin'." Lauren took the pink bag and pen from the girl. Her mother eagerly offered her hand to me.

"Edward Cullen." I responded flatly.

"Oh yeah, sorry…" Lauren scoffed, realizing her missed manners. "This is my husband."

The little girl snickered with a wrinkled nose. "I thought you're married to the man on TV." We grinned at her immature logic, our first smile in twenty four hours.

"No sugar, _Edward's_ my… husband." She took off her sunglasses, exposing swollen, red, tired eyes. Lauren inhaled a deep breath, beaming through fresh tears. The mother quickly recognized it wasn't the best time to bother.

"Well, thank you." She said, preparing to hurry the child away.

Lauren returned the bag and pen. "There ya go darlin'." Lauren straightened and smiled. The little girl imitated. "That's a pretty smile, be sure it's always wide enough to make your eyes sparkle. 'Kay…?" Lauren slipped her glasses back on and looped her arm through mine. She braced her weight against mine, seeking leverage as we made our way to the last carousel.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

.

"It's true, I swear." Lauren slurred. I scoffed in mild disbelief.

"On Peter's golf cart?"

"Yep." She swallowed the dark liquor, wincing. "I lost my virginity to Alec Brady on Daddy's golf cart."

"Impressive." I stared at the scattered mass of incomplete blueprints on the wood floor. Lines and angles blurred in my dizzy sight.

"You're impressed with… _me_?" She sipped slower. "He wanted to marry me, ya know…"

"Why'd you say no?" I shrugged.

"Because he's prettier than me… and he knows it." She paused. "And… I'd just met you… Edward." She shivered into my side, her hand landing on my leg. "It's always so cold in this damn house."

"It's the middle of August, Lauren. You shouldn't be cold." I polished off another bottle adding it to the growing row. Her fingers teased up thigh then brushed along my length, testing as I tensed. She fumbled the snap of my jeans open, her manicured nails scratched along the top of my boxers. She worked my pants lower, while I reached for the liquor she'd almost emptied.

As I drained the last of her bottle, my wife tentatively took my cock in her mouth for the first time _ever_… My body reactively betrayed under her warm breath. She licked the tip, humming nervously. I fought fading images of Bella behind closed eyes. When her thin, red lips greedily surrounded, my hips forced forward. The movements were braver, taking me farther in, sliding her tongue underneath as I hardened from the attention.

I gripped through her hair, she immediately jerked then stilled. Dropping my hands to the hard surface, I settled in to who and what I encouraged. My head tipped back, slamming against the wall, penetrating pain. I stilled when she raised her peach nightgown, straddled then sank.

Lauren hovered, awkwardly rocking, desperately pulling… a pathetic conclusion to a night of anger and alcohol. My physical and emotional reaction damaged, determined after weeks of silence from Bella. The release building within only forced my selfish fury. Her kiss was rough and raging. "Fucking look at me… _Please_…" She cried, moving faster as I met her glare. My orgasm stirred, suddenly strong. I forcefully pushed her hips away, as I pulsed between us by my own stroking hand.

Lauren fell back onto the dark floor, curling into a fetal hold, heaving.

"I'm… sorry. So fucking sorry." I crawled, reaching.

**a/n **

**Thanks for reading xo**

**My beta jamiearkin and my pre-reader Renas40 put in some seriously sensitive overtime this week. I would never have posted this chapter if it weren't for them. You're the best and I love you. xo **

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**I'd love to hear from you. Your thoughts mean the world to me. I know the lovers are having a difficult time right now, but the present is necessary for their future. Please stick with me, the HEA is close. xx**


	17. Chapter 15 World of Trouble

**Chapter 15, _World of Trouble_**

"So… Jasper's gonna round out the foursome with ya'll's nephew at the Halloween Hole in One this weekend," Peter bellowed. My father in law shifted next to me while Jasper beamed from across the wide mahogany table, seated next to Aro Randall. I forced Jasper's stare, my eyes wide with surprise and sarcasm.

"Oh yeah? You like the game now, do you?" I challenged.

"Sure." Jasper shrugged, cocky.

My phone vibrated against my thigh. My hands trembled slightly as I unrolled the last of the blueprints out onto the table, I fumbled knowing… "Excuse me, I need to take this." I stepped into the dark, marbled lobby, meeting Peter's curious glare as I shut the door behind me.

"Hey, are you at the airport?" I asked hushed, eager.

"No, I'm here… at the inn. I rented a car… It's suite four." Her voice melting me, I leaned against the door for support.

"Four. Okay, as soon as I can get out of this meeting, I'll be there." I paused, stifling my excitement. "Christ… I can't wait to see you." I blew out a settling breath, pocketed my phone and headed back in.

"How's that pretty wife of yours Edward?" Aro asked, with a wicked twinkle, assuming the call was Lauren.

"Fine… she's fine." I replied, smoothing out the drawings, grabbing a red pencil. Peter swiveled furiously in the chair next to me.

"Yeah, Laurie's up in New York gettin' courted by the big guns. They've been after her a while now." He bragged.

"No kiddin'… Well hell she's goin' national?" Aro leaned back, squared his belt buckle, then suddenly pointed in my direction. "Now…don't ya'll be getting' any ideas about leavin' Atlanta 'til my project's done." The warning came with a grin.

"Don't worry." Peter squeezed my shoulder, smiling at his old crony.

"Alright, let me tell ya boys. We're changing' the project scope a bit."

"What?" I quickly masked panic behind a chuckle.

"Yeah, gonna expand the neighborhood quadrant. Get as many homes in there as I can."

"Mr. Randall, this is already…"

"Son, let 'em finish," Peter scolded.

I listened while he detailed the nightmare. Jasper shined with confident answers while I silently calculated the project time.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Hey… you good this morning?" I asked Alice while I sped through town towards Stonehurst Inn. The autumn sun and southern breeze moved pleasantly through the open car windows.

"It's not morning anymore and I'm fine." She shouted over a barrage of racket.

"What the hell is that?"

"The tile guys that Mr. Mallory sent. I'm on the front porch near the tile saw, sorry."

"Peter sent them?" I asked. _Controlling motherfucker_.

"Yeah, I don't know. He told Jasper he'd take care of it or some shit."

"Okay… You have class soon, right?"

"At two. I'm leaving in a minute."

"I'll call you tomorrow. Hey…love you."

"Love you." She sighed.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

I backed my sedan into a corner space in the rear. Grabbing my duffle bag and leather satchel, I hurried to suite four on the second floor of the small, renovated inn. After knocking lightly with no response, I twisted the pewter handle.

"Bella?" I called into the warm, naturally modern room. "Bella, it's me…"

"In here." I heard the water running and followed. I stepped into the bathroom, her naked image distorted by the shower door. She pressed her hand to the glass when she saw me, a smile barely lighting her dark eyes.

"Hi," she mouthed. "Come in with me…" I undressed at the invitation.

"You should've locked the door." She smirked at my concern as I stepped in and under the hot water stream of one of the multiple shower heads. Our bare embrace was immediate.

"I missed you," she spoke against wet skin. Cradling her face, tilting so I could examine and enjoy. I kissed her lightly… and another. Her eyes narrowed. "You're smoking again." She pinched the hair on my chest, pulling in punishment. "Dammit Edward, we quit together forever ago…"

"I missed you too." I ignored, already prepared for the fall out from habitual demons. She rolled her eyes, and pinched harder. "Are these new?" I feathered down her slick temples to touch unfamiliar turquoise and gold wire earrings.

She turned in my arms, pointing to her shoulders. I massaged tight muscles in the steam and spray. "They were a birthday gift," she muttered with her chin to her chest as I worked up her neck.

"From who?" I urged in an unrecognizable tone.

"The Uley's. They took me out to dinner with Jake and Jane. It was nice."

Bella slipped on my dress shirt after drying off, buttoning a single button at the waist. I pulled the pin from her hair, watching it fall to her shoulders in the mirror. "I'm starving; let's call down for a snack." She quickly paced out of the room barefoot.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Bella bit into a slice of pear, I sipped a bottle of stout, angled towards her long legs, pale lavender polished toes digging and pushing. "You should taste this one." She offered a cream cube of cheese at my lips; I took and sucked her fingertips. "Good isn't it?" She ate her own, with a sated sigh. "Mmmm… reminds me of that wine bar on 19th Street… remember?" I nodded my response.

Caressing feet pressed against my naked stomach, I exhaled deep, so satisfied and relieved she was near.

"I thought you were working out… I'm really pissed about the smoking." She twisted her mouth in frustration, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I know." I fell back flat on the thick white down duvet, thumbing my closed eyes. "It kills the edge though…" Her heels kneaded roughly into my side.

"Maybe I want you to live _forever_." I jerked her foot to my mouth, biting down on her biggest toe as she squealed.

"Yeah? Are you going to stay with me _forever_?" I asked while she closed her eyes.

"Carlisle told me about your mom," she said sincerely, shifting the topic.

"Oh, yeah… well I think it was a long time coming." I rolled to stare, tracing her knee with my fingertips.

"She found a condo in Seattle or…"

"Apparently. I haven't talked to her. But Alice is good." I smiled proud of her progress.

"I'm so relieved. I miss her, do you think…" My lips began a slow tease at the inside of her ankle hoping to soften the blow of the obvious answer _no. _She reactively nestled back, breathy against a mass soft pillows. Tasting up the inside of her thigh, I spread her legs, shifting between. Wide open and wanting, her fingers met my mouth at her center. I licked and swirled languidly around her sensitive flesh. "Edward…"

Her moaning and moving intensified, almost furious. Gripping and grinding desperately, her gaze fixed on my act. I paused to understand, we stared and I climbed over her. "What is it, baby… Tell me." I drifted smooth lips over her damp forehead. Her ache evident and raging.

"I'm embarrassed. I'm miserable…" No tears, just talk. Her words were my end.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Do you make love to her, Edward?" She whispered in the darkness.

I stilled my fingers that were stroking the smooth, delicate skin on her naked back as she lay across my chest.

"Answer me. Do you make love to your…_wife_?" Her voice trailed off at the last word.

"Don't do this now. Please, Bella. We only have a few more hours." I finally responded, kissing the top of her head then stroking her hair.

"I want to know. When… when was the last time?"

Reacting to the heavy change in mood, we both shifted and sat up slowly. She stared at me intently…searching. Her eyes glistened in the faint moonlight streaming through the sheer curtains.

"A few months ago," I answered honestly, keeping my promise to never lie to her.

"A few? Before or after Florida?" She leaned in close, placing her hand on my cheek reassuringly as she knew the answer was difficult to divulge.

"After."

She closed her eyes and tears spilled silently down her cheeks. When she met my gaze again, her look was desolate. This was not the accomplished, compassionate and confident woman…the absolute center of my existence. Instead, I was staring at an empty, bare and shattered shadow of who she was. The change was gradual, it was at my hand and only I could heal it. My own tears threatened as I patiently watched her process the reality of my admission.

Suddenly she straddled my lap and began frantically grinding against my cock. Her hands grasped the back of my neck and her hot mouth was on mine intensely and desperately licking, nipping and pulling. I tasted the bitter salt of her tears on our swollen lips.

"Bella don't, not like this." I tried to calm her, but she continued to move her hips hoping for a reaction.

"Please Edward… It's all I have." She pleaded as evidence of her sorrow continued to trickle down her beautiful, pale face.

I never denied her the physical solace she sought. Comforting and protecting her was innate to me, especially since Sam died. But this was different. It was obvious now she'd reached the end and finally had enough of our charade.

I wound my right hand into the silky strands of her thick hair and my left hand made its way around her supple body grasping and pulling her towards me while she desperately guided me into her scorching heat. Her mouth opened slightly as she began to increase the pace of her movements.

She reached behind me grabbing the iron headboard to steady herself as she moved to an almost frenzied rhythm. Her firm nipples grazed my chest as she slid up and down roughly against me. Anger and frustration seeped through her every pore. I grabbed her hips to slow and soothe her, but she resisted. Leaning towards my ear she breathed,

"Does Lauren fuck you hard like this? Tell me baby. Does she even know what you like?"

I squeezed her soft flesh tight enough to stop her. We stared knowingly into each others damp eyes for a long, weighted moment. I shook my head, looked away and lifted her off of my lap.

She furiously ran her hands through her hair and grabbed the sheet around her body. When she scooted down to the end of the bed to stand up, I reached for her arm. She pulled it away forcefully.

"Bella, this is not who we are. Look at you, you're shaking."

"Yes, Edward… Look at me!" She screamed, turning around. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up in front of her.

"I'm a thirty year old widow, madly in love with my best friend who happens to be a married man. I've loved you for a lifetime, but you've _never_ been mine."

She reached for me as her shouting morphed into an agonizing whisper, "I want to wake up to your gorgeous face and have sex before the sun rises. I want to make your favorite dinner and pour your favorite wine. And I want to listen to you read fairytales to our babies every single night for the rest of our lives."

A familiar pain tore through my chest as I listened to her. She was broken from the past, needing our new beginning. She deserved so much more than a year of clandestine traveling and late night phone calls. She'd consumed me since I was eighteen years old. I'd loved her as long as she'd loved me and then some. I wrapped my arms around her trembling body and laid her back on the bed underneath me.

"Please stop leaving me," she begged and wrapped her legs around my waist as I pushed into her.

I framed her face with my hands, running my thumbs underneath her jaw. Pressing my forehead to hers, I thrust into her long, deep and hard; filling her completely with the body and soul that belonged only to her.

"It was supposed to be us…" Bella whimpered against my lips.

"I know, baby. I know."

"Is she preg…?"

"No… no of course not. Bella…" I pulled from her warmth. She covered her mouth with the back of her hand, heaving.

I sat, pulling on boxers, denim. She hurried towards the bathroom, bare and alone.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Senna, this is Edward Cullen. Listen, per our conversation last week… I'm ready. This is over, I'm done. Even if it means bankruptcy… I want out. Use my cell number only, thanks."

I hit end and put my cigarette out. After heading through the back entrance, I found the small breakfast buffet. Placing two pumpkin muffins in a paper sack under my arm, I balanced hot cups of black coffee and headed upstairs. When the key slid into the lock, I chilled at the voice booming just beyond the door…

**a/n **

**Thank you for reading xo **

**jaimearkin and Renas40 my life lines... thanks for being you, love you. xo **

**Thank you Misti 92482 for creating a thread on Twilighted this week for the story. xo **

**I'll be hosting a readalong on Monday, March 14 for The White Swan Lodge by jarkin33. Please join us if you can. It's a wonderful, romantic story with one of the best Edward's around. http:/www(dot) fanfiction(dot)net/s/6389047/1/The_White_Swan_Lodge**

**We'll conclude at chapter 20, with a brief epilogue. The bitter part of the journey is almost complete, on to the sweet... **

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	18. Chapter 16 Above Ground

**Chapter 16, **_**Above Ground **_

"Get the fuck away from her!"

"Did he touch you? Did you touch her?"

Dropping and spilling, my fists grabbed at his shirt as I launched. My father in law landed wedged between a tall cherry wardrobe and myself.

"Boy… you better think first," he seethed, panting.

"Edward, don't…" Bella begged, grabbing behind me.

"It's over, Peter. I'm fucking done," I spat. He laughed only inches away. The noise fueled my rage. I drew my arm back, hand fisted… making contact. _With Bella.  
_

Muffled swearing, shuffling and shouting filled the suite. Blood seeped under the hand covering her face. I rushed, she waved me off. Peter straightened and squared, smoothing over his hair and his shirt.

"Gonna tear you up son. When I'm finished, this one won't even want ya." He gestured towards Bella, then me and stalked through the door. _  
_

Following her into the bathroom, I reached for the blood soaked towel. "Let me see... Bella dammit, let me see."

"Calm down. _Stop it!_"

"Jesus. I'm sorry." Her lip was purple and pulsing.

"It's already swelling." Shaking her head in disgust, she rinsed the towel under cool water. "I'm supposed to speak at that conference…" She muttered and stared at her tortured image in the oval vanity mirror.

"The audiology one? That's great, baby." Sincerely proud, I wanted to hold and praise her. She turned, meeting my eyes.

"It is great. It's _fucking _great, Edward. A huge professional deal for me and I'm going like this… What is this madness you're living here?" She questioned, exasperated, done.

"What did he say to you?"

"He kindly reminded me that you were married… to his daughter," she answered quietly.

"That's it?"

"That's all before you came in. Why does it even matter? I was standing there naked with some stranger yelling at me." Furious, dark eyes narrowed, she raised her hands defensively. "Who are we… anymore?" I reached, she retreated. "I want to be alone… please."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

She moved into the room naked…cautious, but settled. Slipping on cream panties she stilled as I melted behind her at the foot of the bed. I tested with one hand across her smooth middle, then the other across her bare chest. She slowly tilted her head back. "Let me love you…"

She sighed as I caressed her puckering nipple. I felt her ease slightly, yet pulled my hand from her breast to lie instead against her cheek. Leaning in, swaying… avoiding. I kissed the top of her head, lingering and breathing her warm, honeyed hair. Cream bra straps went up and over, she offered the back for me to clasp. From there, I teased a trail lower, grazing over her ass, softly between her legs… irresistible. A final intimate attempt before the heartache swelled. "Edward… I…" Fingers swiftly underneath lace, she arched seeking strength. Moaning, succumbing as I pushed two inside.

She bent forward fisting the twisted duvet, as I pumped and hovered. "You're beautiful…" Wet whispers along her neck, while I curled and circled in her warmth. Hips swiveling, she forced and guided my pace.

"Please…" She begged for the edge.

She peaked breathless and withering. I smoothed slowly up her back, kissing along her shoulder. Intense, quiet moments passed. When she stood from the bed, she immediately dressed. Pink flushed skin was covered quickly by faded denim and tight, black wool. Pulling a taut ponytail away from her face, I marveled at her natural perfection. She folded and layered into her bag while I sat and stared.

She stopped between my legs, I gripped the backs of her thighs to close the gap between us. The moment she tenderly feathered through my hair, I broke… a necessary, catharsis. Resisting her attempt to angle my head, she finally knelt, framing my face with gentle hands. "I need you to do something…"

"Anything…" I straightened.

"Let me go, Edward… I need you to let me go." I exhaled, she continued. "This isn't healthy. I want to be… We just can't walk this wire anymore, baby. I'm dying here."

Her sweet face was blurred by my fear and buried insecurities.

"Don't abandon me… don't fucking abandon me, Bella." Standing quickly, overwhelmed by anxious adrenaline.

"I'm not, baby… no, no. I love you." She breathed against my cheek. I lifted, bracing her against the wall. Kissing her sensitive wound, tongues tangled, intense and desperate. Her legs wrapped, we paused, our hearts raced and our eyes adored. She reassured with peppered pecks to my nose, chin and jaw. "Shhh…. I love you."

Sliding down… to stand on her own, I stepped back.

"Let's just _be_… for now. You can do this. _We have _to do this. You'll come when you're ready. But don't… until…"

She pulled the flowered strap over her shoulder and motioned towards the dark, heavy door.

"I'll walk you down."

"Edward, let me go…" Running the back of her hand down my cheek, she smiled calm and sure. "I love you," she mouthed.

"I love you…" I spoke to an empty room, waiting for the familiar void deep in my gut. But the ever present ache was gone.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Parked next to Jasper's new silver SUV, I drummed along my steering wheel staring at our names on the modern sign. The back of my head hit the leather rest as images of Bella's determined, liberated poise flooded my mind.

Ducking into my trunk to grab a tube of drawings, I checked my watch to determine her flight status and thumbed over my naked ring finger.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I carefully righted myself, taking in a young man with a bicycle balanced between his legs.

"Yes…"

"Mr. Cullen, I'm Embry Young." He shook my hand, friendly to firm.

"Oh… good to finally meet you. What can do for you?"

"What?" He scoffed surprised. "Sir, I'm just… I mean… well my buddy downtown said permits were pulled for the North End. I don't understand how…"

"Mr. Young, what's the…" Suddenly suspicious, I shifted. "Do you drink coffee? Can I buy you a cup over there?" I pointed across the street.

He shrugged. "Okay."

When I entered the small café, he was waiting near a round table by the front window. He admired the young, artistic redhead that took our order. I grinned, folding and hanging my sunglasses in my shirt. He pulled on his thick, dark hair and shifted his back pack across the Mexican tile with his black boots.

"I biked a lot in school. That's a nice one." I started.

"Thanks. Yeah, my dad is into the trail stuff, it was his." He studied the room with rapid green eyes. The waitress set two mugs of black coffee down. Embry spinned his several times before drinking. I waited.

"Mr. Cullen," he hushed, leaning in. "That land is toxic."

"What are you talking about?" I sipped, forcing a casual tone.

"Totally contaminated. It's a damn wasteland."

"The North End property?" My heart raced.

"Yes. Every square mile of it. A power plant used to be there."

"Randall had it cleaned… after purchase. Then Caius did the survey." I stated the facts as I knew.

"He had it surveyed, but didn't clean it. Caius forged the last geotechnical…" _Holy fuck. _I processed as fast as I breathed.

"Mr. Cullen, the levels are false." He tapped fingers against the table.

"So Mr. Randall _asked _Caius to mock the numbers?" I spoke low, direct.

"Asked then paid."

"Who else knows about this?"

"That Mallory guy." _Son of a bitch_. "Man… your partner said he'd tell you right away. You were out of town or something when I went to your office."

"You told this to… Mr. Whitlock?"

"Yeah man. Look, you can't let those greedy assholes build up there. It's fucking dangerous. People will be drinking PCBs." I twisted my mouth and measured the steps.

"Embry, are you still unemployed?"

"Yeah, hence the two wheel ride." He laughed, pointing through the window. "An old fraternity brother and his wife are letting me crash with them." I smiled my response.

"I have to take this information to the authorities. The EPA will want to talk to you. You do understand that, right?" He nodded. "My attorney can help you."

"Here's the original results." Digging in his red worn backpack, he handed me all I needed. "I made a bunch of copies when I figured out what was going down. I gave one of these to Mr. Whitlock too." _That lying prick. _

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"How quaint…" I muttered sarcastically, kicking the jack o lantern with my running shoe. I knocked the door harder and kicked the pumpkin over.

"Little early for trick or treat…" Alice teased as I stepped into the foyer. Kissing her cheek, I inhaled. It was habitual for me, but being sober it undoubtedly hurt her heart.

"Where's Jasper?" I urged.

"On the patio. What's wrong… Edward..." Her concern trailed off as I rushed through the house. The moment I saw him, I stilled and steadied. My fists reactively clenched at my sides.

"Where the hell have _you_ been all week?" He joked. Smugly sipping a short glass of dark liquor, he tended an outdoor fireplace one handed.

"Are you so fucking hungry now… " I stalked closer. "Have you lost all sense of reality?"

"What are we talking about here?" He cocked his head in challenge, he knew.

"Would you live there? Raise your children there? Hmmm. How about drink the water? Fucking coward."

"What's going on?" Alice asked, rubbing her arms for warmth.

"People could get sick… very sick, Jasper… kids… babies." Flames illuminated his empty expression.

"How deep are you? Blackmail… Mr. Randall? Peter?" I edged closer, feeling the heat.

His glass hit the painted brick facade, shattering. Alice gasped, I braced.

"Jasper…" Alice whimpered.

"Go pack a bag, Alice," I directed sternly.

"What…" She disappeared into the house.

"Hey, you're the one that brought me down here, Edward." His trembling finger pointed inches from my face. "You were the one with the big bank and lofty ideas, remember? I risked everything to do this." He staggered back slightly, his hands moving wildly through the cool autumn air. "So what… Bella's free to fuck out in the open now? You just fold it up and move it out?"

"This has _nothing_ to do with her."

"Bullshit. Everything you do is about her. You two are so goddamn selfish and destructive… Sam? Lauren? Now me? Alice?"

"Jasper, this is…"

"What immoral? Unethical? Give me a fucking break."

"No." I turned to leave.

"What are you going to do, Edward?" He shouted at my back.

"I've already made the calls… be prepared." I faced him. "I'm taking my sister with me. Don't come near her; don't try to talk to her." I threatened.

"That's not for you to decide."

"Leave her alone, Jasper… please. You don't want this."

He glared, I didn't rattle. Truth was mine, for once…

_And then the rain began, _

_The tonic, greening, transforming rain_

…_and now every living blade and stalk_

_Whose destiny it is to be green_

_Was astonishingly green._

_~ Rachel Peden_

**a/n **

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	19. Chapter 17 Sunrise

**Chapter 17, **_**Sunrise **_

I followed the Pear trees down my former street in Buckhead, the silver rim of the _sold _sign sparkled in the summer sun. I grabbed a bottle of grapefruit juice from the small cooler on the passenger seat and climbed down from the high cab of the moving van.

"Aww… I miss ya'll too…" Lauren walked through the front door shortly after, phone to her ear. A small wave of the pink rhinestone crown dangling from her key ring was my only greeting. "No, I fly out in the mornin'. I know… Hey, we'll do lunch next time I'm here. Alright… Listen, my ex-husband's sittin' here waitin' on me… Okay, bye sweetheart."

She slipped off her tennis shoes where she stood, glancing at mine. Looking slimmer than months ago, she stalked towards me in tight black athletic pants. Sitting down carefully on the stair just inches from me, she sighed.

"How are you?" I asked, sipping my drink.

"Fine. I was just over at the club workin' out." She already knew how I was.

"So you're back to New York tomorrow?" We focused on the wood floor, the front door, anywhere else.

"Yeah, early."

"You must be used to early mornings now…" I smirked, swallowed.

"Have ya'll watched yet?"

"No, not yet."

"Didn't think so…" Running her nails along the black strap of her tank top, she finally took in my profile. "Daddy's probably goin' to jail for fraud, Edward."

"I know." I capped the juice bottle and tentatively cradled her head for a chaste kiss in her hair… a pathetic consolation to the hell that was the last eight months.

"He's scared, ya know since Mr. Randall…" Our eyes met.

"I'm sorry, Lauren. That level of deceit is dangerous." I released her slowly and stood. She hung her head, smoothed down her bleached ponytail where I'd kissed. "I'm glad you're away now… safe."

Her expression softened slightly. "Sorry about the car."

"It's fine. I'll buy one when I get…"

She smirked, interrupting. We'd neared the limit of pleasantries.

"When do ya'll leave?"

"Now, actually."

"Goin' to her…"

"Yes." I was, _finally_.

She stood, posture perfect. "Well… I guess that's it, then." Tensing her jaw, she forced a smile. "Good luck, Edward. I hope ya'll…" The parting gesture was a bit too ambitious. Our shallow bond, broken… if it ever was.

I stepped towards her, grabbing and turning her thin wrist. "Take care of yourself." I left our house key in her palm, and walked confidently through the manicured lawn.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

The periwinkle door on the edge of Port Angeles was my destination. A tattered flag whipped in the swirl of storm winds. The garden was in full summer bloom, towering tomato plants, honeysuckle, and cosmos drew me over despite the gathering clouds. Moving on weary legs between vegetables and flowers, I appreciated the balance of solid ground after days of vibrating concrete. I spied a tiny hand painted sign lined with smooth pebbles, _Leah's Corner. _It was full of tiny green sprigs and glass jars of random outdoor treasures.

Mindlessly yanking spots of weeds, I reveled in the organic feel of the cool soil. The moisture in the air increased as I made my way to the side door of the cottage. A spare key tied with jute remained buried under lattice and vines. I thumbed over the jagged edge then tossed it back into the hole. As the thunder swelled, I fell onto the worn, front porch swing and waited.

The puddle that grew during my longest hour rippled suddenly with a lightening flash. The shudder masked the sound of the turbo engine, I startled at the sight of Bella rounding the bend of the two lane country road. When she reached the end of the driveway, I stood. She covered her mouth with the back of a trembling hand. We stared wide eyed through the windshield and drizzle. I leaned on the white peeling porch post for support as I sorted her reaction.

"_Okay Edward, this is our media center. Have a seat and I'll go find your new student mentor." _

_I collapsed in a cheap wooden chair at a blue oval table. Doodling dimensional boxes around the period numbers on my class schedule, I waited. Suddenly one half of the double steel doors opened and a pretty girl with dark hair entered. She stopped at the desk then glanced my way as I squirmed and shifted. _

"_Edward?" She pointed towards me wearing a wide smile that somehow brightened her dark eyes. _

"_Yeah." I stood, shuffling my red backpack. _

"_Hi, I'm Bella… your new student mentor." Her t-shirt read eighth grade powder puff or girl power or something pink and pleasant… I didn't want to stare too long. Her jeans were faded and her running shoes were old. _

"_Can I see your schedule?" Our hands brushed. While she scanned my classes I studied the small gold bumblebees dangling in loose strands of hair. _

"_Oh cool, we have 4__th__ period Algebra together." _

"_Math's my best… my favorite subject."_

"_I like science." _

_We moved into the wide hallway as the bell sounded overhead. Students piled and milled around us. Bella's long, thick braid, shifted across her back partially uncovering the name Swan and the number one._

"_So where'd you move from?" She asked, leaning close to hear as we paved a path through the surrounding chaos. _

"_Alaska." _

"_Seriously? That's awesome. I've never met anyone from Alaska. How'd you end up in Forks?" _

"_My dad took over a practice here. He's a pediatrician." _

"_Oh yeah, I heard old Dr. Masen was retiring. Do you like it so far?" _

"_So far. I mean it's crazy moving into a new house. My mom's pretty stressed out decorating and stuff."_

"_Do you have any brothers or sisters?" _

"_Just a sister, but she's little." _

"_Cool. I love little kids. I babysit for a bunch of families in town. I'm certified and all that, you can tell your parents or I can give you my phone number."_

"_Okay. You should totally do that." I muttered, gripping the strap over my shoulder for life. "I mean your number… you should give me your number… for them…" _

"_Bella!" A tall, built dark haired boy suddenly loomed over us. "You coming outside for lunch?" _

"_Sam, this is Edward. He's new, from Alaska." Bella gestured between us, beaming. He forced a fist towards me and stopped. I slowly matched it, not quite sure that was the deal. He smiled, nodding as we bumped knuckles. _

"_Edward…" He acknowledged then used that fist to playfully pound Bella on the top of her head. She cringed, giggled and stepped towards me. _

"_Wait, I want to meet the new boy…" A girl shrieked running at us pulling another by the hand. Large, curious blue eyes sized me up. "I'm Rose. This is Angela." The blond one shook my hand firmly, the quiet one waved shyly. _

_Rose whispered something in Bella's ear, leaped onto Sam's back and the three disappeared. _

"_So do you play any sports, Edward?" With every question she stared a little longer._

"_Mmm… not really. I did some rec hockey, but really just 'cause my mom wanted me too." _

"_Hockey's pretty cool. I can skate. Well, my dad runs the city league here for like every sport, so if you want I can hook you up. You like music or…" _

"_Yeah, I totally like music and riding my bike."_

"_Like just around or what?"_

"_Sort of." We laughed lightly. "I do ramps and jumps, some racing." _

"_Oh wow. I'd like to see that…" She twisted her braid. "So who's your favorite band?" _

_I blew out a breath and twisted my mouth. "I like Nirvana… and pretty much all REM." _

"_No way. I love Nirvana. My mom took me to the concert in Seattle." _

"_Your mom sounds cool. Mine would never do that." _

"_Really? That sucks. You can definitely come with us next time." _

She slammed the Porsche door. Dark jeans were tucked into red rubber boots, her white linen tank soaked, clinging to her heaving chest. Her hair dripping, matted and framed her beautiful face. Each step was slower than the last, until she stood within a breath of me.

"Is it over?" She mouthed, droplets teetered on shivering lips.

I nodded. Suddenly she was in my arms; I inhaled and whispered against her damp cheek.

"It's over, baby…. It's all over."

She angled to stare, to touch… holding my face.

"What is this beard?"

"It was a long drive. You don't like it?"

"I like your face… but not this." She pulled, pinched and kissed every measure.

"You liked it in college."

"I just told you that so you'd smile. I love your smile, Edward." Squeezing, melting… absorbing, she wanted. "Smile for me…"

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Mmmm…" She moaned as my lips ghosted along the inside of her soft thigh. "Edward…"

I hummed in response against my favorite flesh, moving higher, closer to what I knew she loved.

"Did I turn my car off?" Glancing up from between her legs, I smirked. Her head rested on the back of the dark suede couch. Her eyes fluttered closed as she begged. "No, no don't stop…"

"Yes, you turned it off." I resumed my tasting and loving. Spreading her gently, my tongue smoothed over her most sensitive skin… concentrated on her withering pleasure.

"Baby…" Her hips twisted, lifting slightly off the cushion. Fingers frantically kneaded in my hair, her stomach, the couch, to balance the intense sensation. "Baby, is that… _ahh_… is that antique…table… oh god… _oh_…"

I soothed through her orgasm with soft strokes and whispers. She looked down at me, grateful, stated. "Calm now?" Grinding her heel into my bare shoulder, she arched her brow and pursed her lips.

"Maybe…" She warned playfully. I stood, unzipping my jeans a bit lower for relief and kissed her forehead.

"Hold that thought." Seeking more remedy, I hunted a bottle of wine. I smiled proudly at photographs attached to the refrigerator door of a growing Leah. Some familiar, as Eric sent reminders to lighten my heart during the last dark months. Words from Eric and Mike had left my resolve strong.

Bella immediately grabbed for the cool, amber glass. Pinching the cork off quickly, we sipped and breathed.

I sank lower against the suede, taking in the face I never forgot.

Feathering through the hair on my chest and lower, she curled to my side as I grazed gently over her legs. "You quit smoking."

I nodded, grinning smug.

"I know that wasn't easy to do during all the litigation." Soft fingers traced my lips while I peppered kisses on the tips.

"It wasn't too bad."

"You were good to Jasper, baby." She quietly reassured. "I don't know how you helped him through after everything…"

"He'll be alright." I exhaled. The professional demise was devastating, the destruction of friendship was worse.

"He's moved to the Keys?"

"Apparently."

She smiled sympathetically and nuzzled my neck. "Alice looks beautiful." We shared the bottle and lost time while the summer storm stirred.

"She seems to be in a really good place."

"You won't believe it when you see her. Amazing… so healthy and sweet. We went to lunch last week, with your dad."

"I heard." Pausing the patterns over my chest, she sighed. The reality of our silence for eight months settled. We'd survived the delicate transition before, we would again.

"Are you hungry? I have artichokes, tortellini…" Taking a last drink from the bottle, I set it on the wood floor and pulled her over me. She straddled, her lips exploring while I unbuttoned her wet blouse and removed her bra.

"So what's this about my favorite antique work table?" I teased against her mouth.

"First of all, _I _was the one that found it. Remember… buried in that warehouse, covered with vintage maps?" She worked to release my erection.

I swirled and sucked a nipple, grinning through the delicious torture.

"And you know how much I've always loved it… I'm staking claim and putting it in the kitchen." Biting her lip, she taunted and stroked me.

"Oh you are? I don't know…" I leaned back, thumbing over her perfect swells, pretending to ponder. "Can I do dirty things to you on it?" She squeezed my length, teasing with wide eyes. I gasped in jest, we laughed. Then moments of tender kisses and caresses heightened our need.

I held my cock, while she slid down. Stilled, staring… it was as intense as our very first. She slowly lifted and swiveled, sharing a breath… making peace with it all. Being surrounded by her body, her skin… her touch, felt complete… _finally_ authentic.

"I love you," she whispered desperately.

"I love you, baby…" Gently guiding, grasping her hips, while she circled over me to set our rhythm. Tipping her head, she surrendered.

"Edward…"

Thrusting through the trembling, I met her at the edge. Pulsing into her warmth… the sweetest release.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

Sliding silently from the bed, I stood adjusting the tie on my sleep pants. Watching Bella sleeping, breathing, dreaming… was overwhelming that morning. Walking quietly into each room of the small cottage, I marveled at how vivid the possessions were and alive I felt. I started a pot of coffee and searched for the green tin box. The box of recipes Mike prepared for us when we started grad school without him. Eager to make something from scratch, for her, for us… I filed through the worn, stained cards until I found the infamous rhubarb muffin recipe. One Bella's favorites, I knew. Gathering the necessities, I heard faint footsteps along the pine planked floors. I turned, only to see Bella's bare ass rushing away.

"Hey you." I stood in the doorway; she was completely covered by the light blue quilt. I approached, peeking underneath. "Were you spying on me?" I teased, lifting enough to join, and to notice glistening eyes. "No, no… hey, what's wrong?" Feathering over her wet cheeks, I worried.

Hiding in the darkness of our cover, we laced fingers and paused. "I woke up alone… I thought…"

"Never again." I dusted her knuckles with my lips. "I'm here." I kissed swollen lips, sucking her top between mine. "It's going to take time. Baby, there's nothing left. I truly have _nothing_ left. A small amount in savings and what's in that truck outside… I don't have a job, a car."

"Shhh…" It was her turn to soothe.

"I'm starting over… I have to start over." My voice cracked with a quiver in my core.

"_We'll_… start over." Shifting over her, the quilt slid down my bare back… allowing in the promising sun.

"Aren't we a mess?" I smiled, running my nose along hers.

"Life's messy." Smoothing her hair away from her face, we smirked knowingly as our eyes met. We silently gave each other permission to just _be_… our choices, our pace.

"Touch me… touch me everywhere, Edward. Make it real, show me it's… finally real."

**a/n **

**Thank you for reading. I'm so grateful and excited to meet new readers and hear from friends. xo**

**Smiles and love to jaimearkin and Renas40. We made it to the happy. Thank you, I couldn't and wouldn't without you. xo **

**Huge thanks to Emmy, Jess, Jen and Teal over at the PPSS blog. Your words were incredible. xo **

**Jarkin33 and I will be creating new fiction under aftrnoondlight soon. Very excited! We'd love for you to take a peek at our o/s collabs.**

**Sweetest hugs to everyone who joined in the readalong this week. It was a perfect evening hosted by jaimearkin. Thank you xo **

**There are some really special moments in their future. I'd love to know how you feel now that the lovers are together… **

.


	20. Chapter 18 Nightingale

**Chapter 18, **_**Nightingale**_

"Do you love these?" Bella stood in the center of the cramped antique store, when I made my way back inside.

I handled a tiny wooden hanger painted with yellow kittens, while pocketing my phone. "For what?" I teased, knowing.

She twisted her mouth, wrinkled her nose… adorable, summer sun kissed. "Leah. I don't know… for doll clothes? I think she needs these in her little life." She collected three and made the purchase without further thought. As the shopkeeper was wrapping, Bella met my eyes, stroking down my arm. "Who called?"

"The department head."

"And…"

"He offered me the other class too… the Tuesday, Thursday for fall term."

"Really? See, I told you, baby." Warm, sweet lips met mine suddenly. "It's the same course, right?" She bounced in her tall brown sandals, hands gripping my neck to steady.

I nodded. "Linear algebra." She leaped, wrapping long legs around my waist, placing sloppy kisses on my cheek, as I tucked her short sundress and held under her ass.

Teasing and whispering she tickled my ear. "Professor Cullen, I know you do love curves and angles and…"

"Here you are…" A white paper bag was pushed our direction by a blushing elderly woman.

"Thank you." We said in unison, Bella turning in my arms to acknowledge kindly. I squeezed my favorite curve as I carried her out of the tiny shop. We were flirtatious… we could be, not because we were four hours from home, but because we just _were. _

"Where to? Should I carry you straight back to the Elliott for some afternoon lovin'?" Tugging her plump top lip with my teeth, I stopped along the sidewalk. She hopped down, grabbed my hand and tempted me with our favorite taco stand and the shore.

Sandy toes pinched and rubbed over my jeans. Bella sipped orange cream soda holding her hair back from the sea breeze. "I want to offer Alice a job." I held the veggie burrito we shared while she took a bite.

"Seriously?" I asked, wiping hot salsa from the corner of her beautiful mouth.

"Part time at the therapy office." Chewing and swallowing, I listened to her compassionate scheme to care for my sister. "We need someone to do appointment calls and some filing. What do you think?" She was stretching; I knew and loved her for it.

"I think it's good. She'll be in Port Angeles three days a week for classes, already."

"Exactly. I can spend more time with her and Jake will be fine with it."

Pulling her into my lap, appreciating the mellow moment, I tasted and tickled the sweet spot behind her ear.

"Are you enjoying your birthday trip… your very_ belated _birthday trip?" She wondered, running gentle hands through my wind blown hair.

"I definitely am… thank you. The new bike was enough though, we didn't have to come all the way to Oregon for more."

"You love this place." Tender kisses met my nose, forehead. "And you'll be working… teaching next month. Maybe it's my turn to spoil you."

"There's nothing else I need." After two months of goodness, the mere hint of a quiet, perfect life sustained us. Renewal came swiftly, easing a new routine for new days. Our lovemaking was intense and often, driven by the silent hope we both held for the future.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Oh, oh it's Eric calling, stop…" She giggled, squirming, as I quickly pulled down her panties. "Shhh…"

"Hi, tell me everything." Bella answered her cell phone eagerly.

"No, no I already know all of that..." I began a sweet assault at her ankles as she talked.

"Yes, because she teaches with Jane and Jane tells Jake and Jake tells me. That's how." My lips left a warm, wet trail as I made my way to the inside of her right knee. Her left hooked around my lower back, playfully attempting to slow my path.

"What did you cook?" I sat between her legs, pulling my blue t-shirt over my head, while I listened to the one sided conversation. Bella's excitement over Eric's first date was infectious.

"Yeah? That's yummy, one of Edward's favorites." Mouthing 'roast chicken with the mushroom sauce', I received the second hand play by play. "Did you use Mike's…"

"You're fucking kidding. Oh my god you two are such goons. I love you." Bella laughed detailing the visual of Mike on video phone while Eric cooked. I rolled my eyes in jest and flipped her over on the bed. Unbuttoning my shorts, I pushed her dress up above her waist and smoothed over her bare ass.

"How was she with…"

"Yeah, but did she get down on the floor and play? That's how you know." Surprised Eric hadn't hung up on her; I carried on with soft caresses and lips over heated skin.

"I'm so excited. Maybe she can convince you to move to Port Angeles and closer to us." I collapsed horny and impatient next to her oblivious self. Propping up on elbows, her brow creased, the mood fell.

"Eric… hey. But it's okay… You know that." Bella pouted dramatically, silently indicating our friend's emotion. My heart sank; I took the phone from her hand.

"Hey man."

"Jesus, Edward. It shouldn't feel like this. Right?" Eric struggled.

"It's alright though. You're doing fine. Let it just… happen." Bella tucked under my arm, fingers tracing and circling.

"She's different, I don't know…"

"Of course she is. No one will ever duplicate Angela." Bella shivered, burying her face further into my chest, the loss still raw. I held tighter, grateful that I could. "This is positive, Eric. It's good for you and for Leah."

An audible exhale was drowned by a sweet squeal in the background, natural levity.

"Are you bringing her out this weekend?" Bella wiped over her eyes, suddenly smiling at the notion of seeing our favorite girl.

"You guys need to have your own and leave mine alone." He joked lightly.

"We're trying to man… we're trying." I replied, quietly kissing the top of Bella's head.

"Make plans, Eric. It's okay. And hey… we're always here."

Bella climbed over me, sinking deep into the plush duvet and down pillows. I leaned, setting the phone on the table, then held her face in my hands. "It breaks my heart." My thumb ran over her mouth, parting her lips. She puckered against it, sighing. "He's never been with anyone else, Edward. Not a kiss… a date… It was always her."

She sat and straddled. Lifting her dark tank dress up and over, then removing her lace bra, I ran my hands over creamy thighs. The late day light was fading. An old elevator car in the historic hotel rattled just beyond the door. Dinner and music would wait… the vision of Bella wanting and naked above me was hypnotic. Knowing moments, slow and peaceful, transforming the crave to comfort.

"Make love to me…"

"_Hi."_

"_Hi yourself. Where have you been?" _

"_Ah, my mom was… she was in a mood, so I took Alice for pizza. She was kinda bummed out."_

"_She's okay now… at home?" _

"_Yeah, yeah… probably asleep. Did I miss halftime?" _

"_Yes, you missed the popularity contest, also known as the crowning of homecoming king and queen, also known as the Rose and Emmett show." I matched her sarcastic smirk. _

"_That must be Rose's…" I pointed to the cheap crown in her hand. _

"_Yep." She twirled the dime store treasure, placing it backwards on her head. I cringed, we laughed. _

_Putting her arm through mine, she turned me around, walking briskly. "Come with me to put this crap in Emmett's van." _

_Bella unlocked the large back doors, tossing Rosalie's purse and dress shoes, the cheap crown tumbled over the black shag carpet. Whistles and cheers from the football field made her noticeably shrink. Pinching her lip between her fingers in thought, she suddenly climbed in, waving me to follow. _

"_So." _

"_So," I repeated, leaning back. _

"_So, did you hear?"_

"_Did I hear what?" I mocked, knowing exactly what she was alluding to. "I hear Mike's getting a new car." Wrapping her bent legs for warmth, she waited. "I also hear you broke up with Sam." _

"_He broke up with me, this time." _

"_When?" _

"_Today… after school. My dad's pissed at me, of course." _

"_What happened? You guys were solid last week." _

"_I hardly saw him last week, three nights I studied with you. I don't know. He's very intense during football season. And this year especially, with recruiting and all that bullshit. Constantly stressing over it, working out, running, practice, playing… he spends more time with my dad then me. He said I was too distracting."_

"_I get that. Your face and your ass are very distracting._"

"_Shut up." After a slap on my arm, she paused, wondering… looking through the small window in the back door, stadium lights glaring in the distance. Countless times we'd talked this talk, each more punishing than the last. "I know I should be the supportive girlfriend like Rose. But she just eats it up. I'm just tired of it. It's all we fucking talk about." _

"_You'll be back on next week." I kicked my legs out in front of me, balancing one boot over the other, hopeless. "Remember how many times you guys broke up last summer?" _

"_Maybe. No. I don't know." She ran her hands through her hair furiously, frustrated. "I mean he always blames himself, trying not to hurt me… he's just too fucking nice. God, I'm such a bitch."_

"_No, you're not. I hate it when you talk like that." I nudged, shoulder to shoulder._

"_I'm sorry. I'm always dumping this on you." Shaking her head, she forced a smile. "Are you missing the French girl?" Dark eyes stared, carefully. _

"_You never use her name." I laughed, teasing. _

"_Because it's too pretty, like her." _

"_No, I'm not… missing her. I never miss anything when I'm hanging out with you. Especially when you sound so jealous." _

"_I am not. Please…" She rolled her eyes, protectively crossing her arms over her chest. "Well maybe a little." Pounding her head back and against the inside of the van. _

"_You know I'll always be here to listen...or whatever." _

_The festive noise swelled outside in the cold autumn air, we huddled closer. Bella bent her pink, frozen knuckles, I reactively clasped them between my palms. Bringing them quickly to my mouth and blowing warm breath over her fingers._

_Our eyes met as soft fingers turned in mine, teasing my lower lip. Closing my eyes, reacting to the touch… my tongue tasted her skin. She gasped, wide eyed as I dropped my hands, releasing her. But hers remained, trailing over my mouth, across my cheek, along my jaw. Suddenly kneeling in front of me, breathing heavy, she slid her hands around my neck. I gripped her waist… processing, cautious. _

_Feathering through my hair, she leaned forward, tentatively bringing our chilled mouths together. My lip caught between hers, and hers between mine, sucking gently. I groaned, my body on fire. I pulled Bella's light frame against me, as our kiss deepened. Our tongues tangled, exploring in the heady rush. _

_I fumbled to open and part buttons, grazing smooth exposed skin. She moaned softly as we tugged and pulled until our coats landed over the seat. Gently, I laid her back and climbed over, my erection at her thigh. _

_Cold fingertips dusted the muscles of my abdomen, tensing. Nervous hands found the lace of her bra, as I pushed her varsity t-shirt up. I paused, memorizing the sight beneath me, avoiding the dreadful moment of clarity. _

_Her pelvis slid against my thigh, desperately seeking friction. She pulled, plunging her tongue into my mouth as I touched her breasts, nipples puckering. Blindly discovering the button on her jeans, I released it, forcing the zipper lower. Calm, but persistent I touched her for the first time, fingers sinking in her wet heat. _

_We stared, no longer kissing, simply sharing… knowingly lost and beyond. _

_Bella abruptly pushed at the waist of her jeans, as I left her warmth. Rolling to the side, watching as she kicked off her running shoes, sliding jeans and panties down the longest legs. Licking lips and settling as I visually trailed back up the measures of bare, beautiful skin. When our eyes met again, her blush spread from cheeks to chest. _

"_Bella, what do you want? Tell me…" Whispering over her, tucking hair away from her face, grazing her mouth. _

_She answered by unsnapping my jeans, impatiently grabbing and wanting. Falling again to the side, I kicked off boots, jeans and boxers freeing myself. She gazed, eyes locked on my length. Her tongue peeked out as her breathing quickened. _

_Sliding two fingers along and against her sweetest spot again, I parted her legs for more. Fists full of the black shag underneath for leverage, she moaned louder. Watching her wither, panting and reacting was my undoing. _

"_Do you like that?" _

_Rubbing tight circles over her clit on every stroke, I led her to the edge. "I'm… I…oh god…" _

_She pounded the floor, tipped her head and trembled. I held on to any and all, as we passed the point of no return. _

"_Edward, please. I need more, please…" I moved between her legs. _

"_Have you…" Rolling her head side to side and biting her lip, her truth flooded my reason. _

"_Are you sure you want this?" _

"_Yes. I want it to be with you." A shy smile and my heart fell hard and fast. _

"_I don't have a condom."_

"_I'm on the pill… for other stuff. But Edward have you…" _

"_No." _

_Intimately aligned, I hovered, hands on either side of her gorgeous face. Reflections from an October moon guided our unknown path. _

"_Bella, are you…"_

"_I'm sure, Edward." _

_Eyes begged me not to deny. Pressing slightly, she pulled my face to hers, foreheads touching. _

"_I promise, Edward. I want this." _

_She caught my lips in a soft kiss, encouraging, lifting her hips against me. I sank slowly, surrounded. Our lips dusting as we adjusted to new sensations. She lowered; I followed, still moving forward. _

_Hearts racing during shallow thrusts, her body accommodating me until… resistance._

_She whimpered against my mouth._

"_Bella…"_

"_It's okay. I know… just go slow." _

_I pressed my lips tight to hers as I pushed past. She gasped, I stilled, buried deep inside her. _

"_God, are you… I should stop…"_

"_No, don't move, please…just give me a second."_

_I peppered soothing kisses down her nose, against her cheek. Slowly her hips rose beneath me, testing. Slightly wincing, she swiveled. I pumped a fraction, patiently. _

_I braced above her, rocking a gentle, steady rhythm. "Don't stop…" She breathed. _

"_It feels so fucking good, Bella." Increasing the pace, the burn intensified. _

_Erratic, new… perfect, I pulsed, whispering her name. Soft palms brushed over my cheek, as our breathing slowed. We lay listening to horns and marching music…dizzying our peace. And I loved her, I knew…_

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"I need a goddamn car." My sister mumbled, trying to park Carlisle's SUV.

"You and me both." I smirked, cringing as she slipped in next to Bella's Porsche. "Thanks for the ride." Grabbing playfully, a loose arm around her neck, I snuck a peck on her cheek.

"This works out pretty good, I guess. I'm just glad I don't have to take _your_ class." Alice joked as we started up the stairs to the therapy office.

"I'm hurt."

"Whatever. But oh hey, remember that guy Ben that grew up down the street? He's a year younger than me."

"I think so. Why what's up?"

"He lives at home with his parent's again and taking classes too. We might carpool."

"Yeah? Bring him by my office next week." She rolled her eyes, annoyed. Swinging the door open, I followed her inside through an empty waiting room.

"No, I won't. And you don't have an office, that's a cubicle."

"Hi guys." Bella glowed. She hugged Alice, tightly. "Jake should be out of his appointment soon. He's planning to go over his end of things with you today. Okay?" She squeezed Alice's shoulder. "Are you good?" Bella nurtured, always.

"I'm good." Reassurance and another hug before Bella tugged me to her office. Closing the door, immediately wrapped in each other, she shuffled backwards to her desk for leverage. Sitting tall and refreshed despite the late afternoon hour, Bella pulled me between her legs.

"So, how do you feel after a full week of teaching?" One…two buttons undone on my white shirt. Warm hands covered my chest. I brought her wrist to my mouth; light kisses down the inside met with a sigh.

"Perfect." I answered against her skin. "How were hospital rounds?"

"Busy. I have two little guys in there right now. And I took my mom out for coffee." I smoothed over black dress pants at her thighs, her ankles hooked around the back of my knees. She couldn't get close enough. "Mom looked healthy. Hasn't missed any meetings, Dad's apparently taking her."

Angling her head, my thumb under her chin, I assessed her expression. Staring a moment too long, she exhaled with a wide grin. "What?"

"Nothing." But it was everything. I knew. "Since you're clear for the rest of the day, how about Friday pizza and beer on the way home?" I tested.

She hummed in thought, pretending to consider.

"Take out? I want to get home and snuggle… talk, we could build a fire." She closed my shirt, reaching high to knot her hair. Her swells close, teasing _and_ full under her pale green wrap sweater. I'd been silently counting her weeks and days. Watching while she dropped files into her leather satchel, straightened her desk, setting her voice mail for the weekend… mundane tasks that held her sweet, quiet smile_. _I tallied the evidence, welcoming the content warmth in my heart and soul…

**a/n **

**Thank you so much for reading. xo **

**jaimearkin and Renas40 you make 'happy' worth it. Love you. **

**Please put aftnoondlight on alert, jaimearkin and I will be posting our new story Outbound there very soon. **

**Slow and steady to the HEA. I love hearing from you. xo **


	21. Chapter 19 Be My Somebody

**Chapter 19, **_**Be My Somebody**_

"Gimme…" She mouthed through a sleepy smile, reaching towards me as I held our newborn daughter. Bella looked infinitely beautiful, radiant… mine.

"Look who's awake." I whispered against the softest forehead. Peppering parting kisses over sweet skin, I reluctantly passed Chloe over. Bella resumed the adoring immediately. Inhaling, humming against pink cheeks, she absorbed what heaven had protected.

We knew the reality of fleeting time. We knew the pain of life derailed. But finally, healed and full, we knew peace.

"I told you we were having a girl," she teased quietly.

"Is that why you had Rose paint your toes baby boy blue?" I mocked with an overtly dramatic eye roll, settling in the vinyl hospital chair.

"Look at you," Gushing, giddy as she stared. "You're just seven and half pounds of pure sugar."

"No doubt… after all the junk food you ate this week."

Bringing Chloe's tiny nose to her mouth, Bella pecked and nuzzled. "Your daddy sucks at comedy. I'm very sorry about that, but you'll learn to play along. He's lucky he's so handsome." She exhaled, content. "Did you smell her? Delicious… so amazing?" Smiling in agreement, I shifted back to the bed. "I can't get over how much she looks like you, though."

"Though…" Laughing lightly, I brushed gently over Chloe's thick auburn hair.

"We did it."

Dusting my lips over her fingers, then her palm, I agreed. "Yes, we did."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Where's Chloe?" I teased from behind, over and under pages of equations. Tiny toes pressed my stomach. "There she is." Steadying her along my legs, I stretched to grab my vibrating phone.

"Hey."

"How is…" I imagined the worried wincing.

"Perfect."

"Did she eat at two? Did she hate the bottle? Tell me she hated the bottle. I'm dying, Edward."

"Okay. She hated the bottle, but drank it all."

"I miss you guys… badly. Isn't she the smartest baby ever?"

"Of course." I smiled, matching the stare of her wide green eyes.

"Did you feed her four thousand kisses yet?"

"Nope, five…"

"Isn't she the prettiest?"

"Absolutely, hands down."

"You'll be here at four, right?"

"It's a plan. I'm almost done grading these tests, then we'll leave."

"Don't forget lots of words and words and words. And animated signs when you sing."

"Got it, see you in a bit. Love you." Shaking my head, smiling as I hung up.

"Mommy's hanging on by threads, kiddo. We should've weaned her a little slower." I lifted Chloe to my chest, blowing raspberries against warm cheeks.

The cut glass prism dangling in the front window sparkled from a reflection, then a shadow. I carried her to the door, detailing curiosity in her ear. "Let's see who's at the door. Who could it be?" _Words and words and words… _

"Charlie." A stoic nod met an inhale at the sight of the baby in my arms.

"Edward."

"Hey, come in, come in…" New life proved a strong defense to our differences. Stepping into the living room, I gestured, offering the couch. He fell into it easily, unzipping his standard navy jacket.

"Are you still teaching?" Surely suspicious why I was home at that hour.

"Yeah, night courses now, actually. Works out good. I'm here with the baby during the day, so Bella can take appointments. She just went back in today… calling nearly every thirty minutes." I attempted levity at her expense.

"Sounds like Bella." A hint of a grin, he forced his eyes from the baby to the window. "I see there's a new SUV outside."

"The Volvo?" I laughed lightly. "Yeah, the safest she could find."

"Awfully expensive, though."

"Definitely. That's why we share it." I chuckled at our chaotic carpooling. A few awkward moments passed. "Did you want to hold her?"

"Sure." Dropping the pink softball mitt he gripped next to him, he took Chloe, gently.

They stared, bonding. "I think she likes your moustache."

"So your dad… he's checked her all out. She's good… healthy?" I appreciated his rare smile.

"She is. Very healthy."

"Renee mentioned there's a place you guys like to stay at down in Oregon." He spoke, quietly, casually.

"The Elliott? Are you planning a trip?"

"Thinking about it. Our anniversary's next month. She's ready to travel. I don't know. Could you maybe get me the number or…"

"Definitely. Hold on just a second." I stood, unsure. "Are you good with her..." He nodded, waving me off.

Rounding the corner from the kitchen, the information in hand, I stopped at the sight. Charlie's trembling, hurried hands wiped over his face and damp eyes. Allowing for composure, I breathed, stunned.

"Here you go." We traded the baby for the paper.

"Thanks. I better get going." He stood, motioning to the pastel glove on the cushion. "That was Bella's. I thought maybe…"

"Yeah… no, that's great."

He turned towards me at the door. "You know, Edward… I've got that old blue Chevy just sitting in the driveway. I mean… if you want... you can have it. To drive to work at least… I doubt Bella will let the baby ride in it… but…"

"That would help a lot. Thanks… Really, thank you, Charlie."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Hi, how was class?"

"Good. Is she sleeping?" I peeked over the chair.

"Fell asleep nursing... Hopefully your evil plan won't be so painful now." Scoffing, I sat down on the moss green rug, propping Bella's feet on my knees. While I massaged, she rocked.

"Baby… stop it. She's ready."

"I know, I know. Shhh…" Bella stood carefully, quietly moving towards the white washed crib.

"Wait…" I stood, smothering silent pecks as I took Chloe to do the dreaded deed. Peaceful, cozy, she was still and serene in her _own_ bed. Bella stared, narrowing her eyes.

"I don't think she's breathing." Whispering nonsense, she suddenly hitched her leg up as if to climb in.

"Jesus, woman!" I snatched her over my shoulder and pinched her ass. We stifled our laughter as I carried her through the cottage and tossed her on our bed. I kneeled between her legs, unbuttoning.

She stretched her arms overhead, watching, flirting… smirking. "Take that damn robe off…" I teased, challenging.

Quickly pulling her to sit, I thumbed down her cheekbones, pushing wild, wavy hair back and away.

"Hey now…that's no way to talk to a fragile, lactating new mother." She warned, biting her lip.

"Baby, you've never been fragile. Then let me rephrase…" Smoothing hands up her bare, soft thighs, I released the tie on her robe. Breathing, whispering close, "I want you to ride my cock so hard, I can't fucking wait to be inside your tight, wet p…"

She squealed, giggling, as a pillow met my head. "Okay, I'm cutting you off Friday night cigars and bullshit with Tyler." I gently bit and sucked the finger she pointed. "And you

know that's not funny, because it has been forever since I could properly ride your cock." She suddenly devoured my mouth, passionate, deep.

"Fuck, Bella…" I gasped.

She unzipped, grabbed and freed. I slipped off the bed, letting my jeans and boxers fall.

Reveling in a few quiet moments, I kissed patterns over porcelain skin. Sweet sighs, content and full left me smiling against her warmth. Blindly searching for my shirt on the wood floor, I felt until I found my pocketed surprise.

Leaving a simple peridot and gold filigree ring on her bare stomach, I glanced up, measuring her reaction. A sentimental smile, a little prettier, a little happier than ever…

"Edward…" Slipping it on her right hand, she admired. "I love it. It's so, so gorgeous. Come here." She pulled, tender declarations tickling, loving against my mouth. "I've missed your little treasures."

I grasped the ring and slid it on her left ring finger, wearing an arched brow to punctuate my point.

"Oh. Really?" She wondered.

"Yeah, really."

"We haven't talked about this in a while, baby. We don't have to…"

"_Yes_, we do." I insisted.

"Okay, we do." She agreed.

"We'll just go downtown. Simple."

"Are you being serious?"

"Completely. It's about time." I shrugged.

"I like this idea. Let's get married." She shifted over me.

"You're so easy." I melted beneath her, positive life was perfect.

"I know. It's pathetic. I'll do anything you want...anything." She righted slowly, licking her lips.

"I missed this." Grazing fingertips avoided tender, sensitive places.

"Thank you for being patient."

Exhaling, I marveled at my wealth… "God, you're beautiful…"

Gripping her soft hips, slightly fuller, I guided her over my desperate erection. Our gaze never broken, laced fingers, and breathless moans at our connection. "Is that okay?"

"Yeah, it's good," she purred, dark lashes fluttering. Allowing her lead, we found a comfortable pace for pleasure. Pulling, begging me forward, we embraced. She swiveled against me with each stroke, finding the familiar, always. Knees tight along my thighs as our lips teased, grazing lightly… Intimately wound, I gently thrust deeper into her heat. She angled her head, as I tasted, trailing my tongue down her jaw. Through a reverent rhythm, a slow rise then fall, we found and loved again. I breathed, buried at the base of her neck, inhaling slick, honeyed flesh.

She whispered my name, trembling at the edge as I encouraged her to savor. "That's it, baby…" Holding tighter, pumping a fraction faster, we tipped together.

Sinking sated into our cloud of pillows, we shared sudden cathartic laughter. Overwhelmed from an abundance of relief and bliss… We weren't beginners. What happened mattered. Our past delievered us… grateful and present.

"What are you doing?" Bella startled as I rushed to pull on my jeans.

"I can't stand it. Be right back." The moment I kissed her forehead, she knew.

When I returned with our sleepy baby girl, Bella sighed. Nestling her between, we cradled what was _ours_. Chloe naturally latched to nourish. I dusted soothing kisses over the back of her tiny head and held on.

_Now is the time for our comfort and plenty_

_These are the days we've been working for_

_Nothing can touch us and nothing can harm us_

_And nothing goes wrong anymore… _

**a/n**

**Thank you very much for reading. xo **

**Jaime and Irene, thank you for your patience and sweet ways. I couldn't and wouldn't without you. Love you xo**

**Jaime and I have a few really fun projects penned. We'll be posting under aftrnoondlight very soon! **

**Thank you to beautiful redsock for naming the sweet baby. Chloe means 'green shoot', Perfectly perfect for a promising garden and growth. **

**The last chapter, **_**The Best Part**_** will post on Friday. It's a brief peek into their HEA. **

**Silly Bella climbing into the crib is based on a scene from my mother's favorite movie, **_**Terms of**__**Endearment**_**. I always thought it was slightly insane… until I had my own baby. *whistles* **

**Baby toes, gold rings and cathartic laughter… I love hearing from you.**


	22. Chapter 20 The Best Part

**Chapter 20, **_**The Best Part**_

"Daddy…" Chloe's sobs swelled. "Daddy… Mommy…" Sadness stumbled into our bedroom. I pushed up and away from my hold around Bella. Sleepy and slow, I motioned, inviting our favorite girl to climb under the quilt. She gripped my stubbled jaw between her small hands for full attention.

"What's wrong, baby?" Chloe sat on scrapped knees, turquoise polka dot nightgown twisted; too long… she adjusted tiny, tortoise shell glasses over her freckled nose.

"The Easter Bunny forgot me," she cried.

I pulled her into a guilty bear hug. Bella and I stared wide eyed over her shoulder. "Shit. That's your fault…" She mouthed, pointing.

"Mine?" I responded silently, narrowing my eyes and twisting my mouth.

Tucking Chloe's short auburn curls behind newly pierced ears, Bella soothed, rubbing down her back. "We should check the garden… maybe he got distracted by the carrots." Biting her lip, she knew _exactly_ what distracted the Easter Bunny.

"But… but, no, Mommy. He's 'possed to leave my green basket by the front window." Her chin quivered.

"Chloe, maybe the Easter Bunny got tied up with something last night…" I reached, Bella broke. Laughter caught as Chloe covered her mother's mouth.

"Please don't laugh, Mommy, he might be bleeding." She led… we followed, always.

Tiny fingernails with chipped and smudged yellow polish were suddenly sucked in between Bella's lips. She wrinkled her nose and shook her head, making Chloe giggle and squeal. I tummy tickled for further delight and distraction.

"You guys go start pancakes, I'll check outside," Bella suggested. She leaped on my back as we followed a sniffling Chloe to the kitchen. "Tied up? That's about the _only _thing the Easter Bunny didn't do last night." I grabbed, pinching her ass from behind. "I only need like five minutes. Congratulations, baby, we've surely won Parents of the Year… "

"Okay, you're in charge of mixing the berries in, gorgeous girl." I positioned my small apprentice blind to the window. We sifted, stirred, discussing rabbit tricks and issues while Bella hurried with dyed eggs and treats into the garden. She tiptoed barefoot through blooms and vegetables hiding and laughing, simply stunning. Each bend and dip revealed more bare beneath her pale blue nightgown.

"Daddy, when's Uncle Mike gonna be here? Maybe _he_ knows what happened to the Easter Bunny." Her innocence owned me.

"He'll be here soon. We're going to have a picnic outside and an egg hunt," I detailed with wide eyes.

"Does the Easter Bunny have a lady?"

"He's married… happily."

"For how long? For forever?" I handed her a wide, full glass of juice and waited for the adorable diatribe. "I don't like oranges anymore. I don't even like orange _crayons _anymore, Daddy."

"That's fine with me. But you're drinking the juice, Chloe."

As I kissed the tip of her nose, Bella waved us outside, holding a giant green basket brimming with goodness.

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Mmmm… I didn't know I was going to have company." Bella caressed over slick skin as the warm water sprayed.

"Mike has Chloe hanging paper lanterns in the branches. Eric and Leah will be here in a bit, the house is empty." She stroked my erection from behind, reaching, dusting her mouth over my shoulders.

"Bella…" I pressed my hands forward on the white tile. Slipping around, under my arm, she trailed lips and touches from my mouth lower. Falling to her knees, suddenly taking me in her hot, perfect mouth, I dizzied.

Bracing, I cradled her head while she sucked and swirled. Building quickly, the delicious burn intensified as she offered and pleasured. I lifted her, sliding against the wall, I forced her legs around my waist. "You want more…" I taunted, grazing my teeth along her angled jaw.

"Always…" She teased, swiveling her hips, begging.

"You're insatiable." We gazed, heated and desperate as I pushed into her.

"Because… I love you. God, I love you…" She breathed, emotion heightened, the slight tremble settling in, I cupped her face and eased my thrusting.

"_Oh_…baby." Circling, pumping painfully slow, our lips brushed. "I love you, too." She pulled through my dripping hair for leverage, swiveling and grinding at her center. An erotic rhythm and pace perfected, we shared the high. Moans stifled against wet flesh. Bella tipped her head, breathless as she peaked. I stared, buried and pulsing.

We reveled in our quiet, intimate moment. Sated and loved, as the water streamed over. Smiling content as I ran my nose along hers, our damp foreheads met.

"Edward…"

"Hmmm…"

"We almost killed the Easter Bunny."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"Taste this." I tempted, gripping her gentle curves. She bit, waving me off.

"Drive safe. You know she's going to be so excited. You have to keep her away from the water though, Rose. I'm serious, promise me and the boys better not… I know, but I can't help it. Love you…" Bella ended her call, turning in my arms searching for more. "They'll be here soon."

"Did Emmett sign?"

"He didn't. The next season's the last. Gimme one more bite." Pulling the treat up and away I teased. She trapped my top lip in her teeth. I relented with a wide eyed warning.

My length twitched again watching her wrap my favorite naturally glossed lips around the sweets. "It's like some chocolate bird on a stick."

"It's a cake pop. An owl cake pop."

"It's Easter. I don't get the owls..."

"You don't need to. Mike made them for Chloe, not you."

I tugged the sash on Bella's madras shirt dress. Holding her tight, our lips passed softly, tongues teasing. "Mmmm." Her fingers trailed inside the collar of my shirt.

"Have I told you're beautiful in plaid?" I smoothed her dark waves and layers over her shoulder.

"You're crazy…" Licking her lips, she continued. "And handsome…and sexy and…" She feathered lightly through my chest hair.

"And horny…"

"I know it. What's wrong with us?"

"Absolutely nothing. Have I told you I love you today?" I whispered against her mouth.

"No, maybe… yes. But you can again." Motioning to the sweet spot below her ear, she smirked. "Tell me right here." I brushed lips over and around. "And here." My tongue lingered along her throat and buttercup necklace.

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I pulled her with me, melting. "I've made a decision."

"Should I sit down? Don't break my heart, I'm getting too old for that shit."

"Shut up," I laughed, lightly slapping her ass. "I'm not taking the UW position."

"Edward…" She shook her head, frustrated, sighing. "Baby, all that work on your doctorate.. Come on, it'll be fine. We'll fix up that little place we love near campus. I'm going to commute two days for clinic…" She thoughtfully searched my expression, always willing to sacrifice for me… for us.

"Chloe's starting the big k next year, Eric and Rachel are getting married, Leah needs you, your patients need you, and Charlie may actually shoot me if I take his pint sized partner in crime away." I justified with raised brows and a smile. She kissed gently, reassuring once slowly, then again.

"Anything you want, baby. You know that… anything."

-~-~-~-LitE-~-~-~-

"There's a pink one, Chloe." Leah pointed. Bella held small hands on either side. She guided while they discovered. I watched, warmed in rare spring sunshine. Hard parts came and went. Chloe was _our_ constant, Bella was _mine_.

Settled back in the weathered wooden chair, my wife curled into my lap. I rubbed her legs from knee to thigh, offering a taste of wine, with my lips at her temple. Inhaling, appreciating just being.

"You're sure?" She whispered.

"The job? Definitely. No more change, baby. We've got everything right here."

The girls bounced through the rows, baskets in hand. Chloe skipped and giggled in a patchwork skirt, vivid stripes on top… mismatched and carefree. A wild wind sent dark red ringlets in motion. A blur of beauty and life so abundant it often took our breath away. It was our small slice of perfect to savor under the trees, with a table full, and friends who loved. We'd traveled so far from what would have been forever a sad story. Shower sex, dandelion crowns, cake pops and fairytales… together, passionately present, thankfully living life as we knew it.

**a/n**

**Thank you so much for reading xo **

**Jaime, you let me dish relentlessly and you take it patiently. I'm truly grateful. Thank you for riding the roller coaster without a seatbelt. Love you. xo **

**Irene, you support unconditionally with honesty and kindness. Thank you for being you. Love you. xo **

**There's a link to aftrnoondlight, the new collab account with jarkin33 on my profile page. We're very excited about our new projects. **

**Thank you for every word, thought, tweet and rec. I have the best of friends and readers. This love story has been a wonderful journey. I'm so grateful you joined me. **

**Please keep in touch. xo **


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